(Closed) Already emotional, now emotional and alone…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

@LovelyLaura8:  I am sorry you are so upset.

First off, as a therapist I recommend you speak with your physician ASAP if you are experiencing more severe depression and/or are “stuck” in the down side of a cycle. It’s possible any medication you are taking need to be adjusted or your depression might be a result of the news regarding your FI’s schedule. Either way you need to make sure you discuss your symptoms with your prescribing physican. 

That said, it is totally understandable that you are feeling sad about the change of schedule.  You need to stay busy and not focus on the lack of time together, rather on how great it is to be getting married in the very near future.  If that doesn’t work, think about all the money his is earning working 12 hours shifts, that should make you smile.

 

  

Post # 7
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t have depression or anything like that, but my FI and I have been seeing each other for about 2 hours total during our weekends for the last year and a half, and it is hard! 

 

He is working two jobs, and I stay home since I cannot work for some personal reasons. 

 

Like right now I feel like someone is just twisting my heart in circles inside of my chest right now that is the feeling I usually get while I wait to see him this Friday. The nights is when I really struggle with my emotions and just wanting to see him. During the day I am practicing to become a dog trainer, so I am pretty busy, but at night when there is no one here and I am just left to my thoughts that is when I can feel down, and lonely without my FI around.

 

I do not have friends really, so I don’t have a night life, or a life really, so sometimes being alone can be lonely if you get what I mean! I usually go online and talk to online friends, or lurk around on the weddingbee to entertain myself, and talk with other people so I don’t become completely feral! 

 

I wish you all the best, what helps me the most is to sit down and envision seeing my FI walk through the door on Friday night, and smelling him, letting myself feel the feelings of happiness, and excitement when I first see him, and think of things I’ll do and say that will make our time special together.

Post # 8
Member
9062 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m not depressed but I only see my husband a week out of every month. Maybe a week and a half if I am lucky. He deploys for three weeks at a time. He’s gone three weeks, home one week, gone three more. I’ve been here a year now and I’ve maybe had my husband a combined total of a few months. The Navy has more of a relationship with him than I do, and unfortunately he works most weekends. He is on call 24/7 and it isn’t unusual for him to be called out of a romantic dinner or a movie if something goes wrong. It isn’t exactly an idea life, and it definitely isn’t one I imagined me having as a married woman.

I have no advice for you. It doesn’t get easier, and the nights don’t get any less lonely. I have no real friends out here, and I have no family, so if you do I’d definitely use them to keep you sane.

Post # 9
Member
9234 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Hugs! I’m sorry. I’m in kind of a similar situation – my FI is going through a pretty severe depression that so far isn’t responding to medication. My job entails me traveling Monday afternoon through Friday afternoon in the spring and summer, starting last week. Being around me is something that helps him the most, and I feel sooo guilty I have to leave for days at a time 🙁

 

Hang in there! Hopefully you will start feeling better soon!  Try to get some exercise – I know that helps my guy even though its hard for him to motivate. xox

 

Post # 12
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It is very rough, and I’m sorry to say that it isn’t easy to power through. I have depression and a mild mood disorder, FI lives 9 hours away, and now he’s leaving for a 9 month deployment. It’s hard to hear someone say that I’ll get over it or once I accept the fact that he’s gone for a little bit it’ll be easier. For me, it doesn’t get easier. However, staying busy is really the best thing I can do for myself. It sounds like with the dog sitting that can give you a little something to do. Do you have books to read or work to get done, even a hobby? Most of my time is spent on weddingbee, haha. It helps me look forward to our future after all this distance and time. I know that it’s hard to stay busy because your mind wanders and you give up on a lot of tasks at hand, but it does help a lot. I have an idea of how you may feel; I may not fully understand it, but I have a somewhat similar situation. The great thing is that you don’t have long of this to suffer through, and I’m very happy for you because of that! As long this month may be, take it day by day and eventually it will be over.

Post # 13
Member
9062 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@LovelyLaura8:  It gets to be mechanical after a while. I wake up, I do my chores, go out if I need to, care for our dog & cat, soon I’ll be tending to my small garden, do whatever needs to be done and then I wait for him to be done with work and either text me or come on Skype. I count down every nanosecond because that’s one less moment of time he’ll be away from me. I do not count weeks as “weeks” anymore, I find it easier to count fridays. “I only have to endure three fridays.” It makes it a lot easier to deal with as opposed to, “21 days to go.” The worst was when he came home from a deployment, was home three days, and left for another deployment. He used to enjoy going away (“On the road” as he calls it), it’s relatively easy work and he gets paid hazard pay & flight pay, so he gets paid well. But now that he’s got a wife at home, it’s a lot harder.

When I entered into a relationship with him, I knew it would be hard. I didn’t realize it was this hard. I moved 1,200 miles to be with him and he wasn’t home two weeks before he had to deploy. I was left alone in a state that I had only visited once, with no friends, no family, and I didn’t know where anything was.

It’s a smidgen easier now.. I mean, like I said, I see his deployments as “three fridays” and if I stay busy the time passes quickly. The nights are the worst. I cannot sleep in our bed — I have never slept in our bed when he is gone. It’s too hard, the sheets smell like him and there is this constant emptiness and void of warmth. So, instead I sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom with the cat and our dog.

I’m not a sad woman, truly. I get sad when he’s gone, and I cry like a child all the way home after I have to leave him at work to deploy. My heart aches and I just want to scream and cry, but I’m not sad. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, but I am definitely hit hard at night as I crawl onto the couch. I miss him terribly, but those moments I do get to talk to him make it so, so worth it. Sometimes if they’re landed somewhere to repair or refuel or what have you, I’ll get a tiny text from him saying hi, or that he loves me. I cherish those. My husband is deployed now. He wasn’t supposed to be, but apparently he is the only man in Oklahoma who could replace somebody who was deployed and got downed for whatever reason.

So, he’ll be home this Thursday, he’ll be home for 11 days, and then he will be gone for 3 weeks. They won’t be subtracting his time deployed now off of “his” deployment time. He won’t be home for his birthday. It’s difficult to plan things because there could be, at any time, an emergency somewhere that he’ll be called away on.

I wouldn’t change my life, though. Sounds crazy, right? I mean, this is a man I am head over heels for. When we started dating, I could not say, “I love you more than the breath in my lungs but I can’t handle your job.” I had a choice: Either learn to run with him, or let him run by me. The latter was not an option.

Take comfort in that your situation will end. My husband is determined to make Officer, and even then there is no relief from his deployments. For the next two or four years, I will be married to a man that I will see for probably twelve weeks out of a year. My only comfort is that I will have him for two weeks in June because he took off that time so we could celebrate our wedding back home with friends and family. That’s probably the most I’ll have him this year.

Stay busy. Don’t dwell on thoughts of being alone. When you have him, hug him tight and don’t let go til’ you have to. Seek comfort in friends and family, go out if you can and go out often. Being around other people will make you feel less lonely and will definitely take the edge off, and you’ll see time fly by (“Time flies when you’re having fun!”) Maybe take up an excersise routine? Something to occupy your brain.

I read a lot. Reading definitely helps me.

Post # 14
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  FI may soon have to switch work shifts which means I will have nights to myself and neither of us is looking forward to it.  I plan on going to the gym a lot, reading, calling friends back home (no real friends here to go see a movie or grab a drink with), painting my nails, lol…

Hang in there, the bee is always here to help!

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