Post # 1
So here’s the deal. My husband and I are going to start TTC this upcoming summer (still along ways away, I know!), but I’m already feeling role conflict. I have always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but have also acceptated that in our social class, and with my career (nurses need so many working hours and continued education to maintain registration), that that really won’t be possible. We figure, I will still have to work 2-3 days a week, and until recently that was okay with me. I do like my job and I have worked hard to get where I am. However, in all honesty I am not ‘gratified’ by it. In fact, I don’t think any job could leave me feeling content like keeping our house/cooking/helping hubby with the farm/etc does. I just feel like if I’m going to be bringing little ones (we want 4-6!) into the world, I should be the one who raises them day in and day out. I do not judge working mothers, in fact I commend them for being able to juggle so many duties. Is this silly of me?
Post # 3
It’s definitely not silly! But, it sounds like the 2-3 day workweek would be the best of both worlds – you get to be at home most of the time, but your baby gets socialization and stimulation outside of the house a coule days a week, too! To me, that’s ideal. But, everyone has a different idea of what ideal is! My sister-in-law has that type of work schedule (works 2.5 days a week) and my niece has had an incredible experience in a language immersion private daycare. I think it’s all about finding what you are comfortable with – there are a ton of amazing day care programs out there!
Post # 4
No you’re not crazy! I love your screenname, I’m a nurse married to a farmer too! It’d be nice if I could stay home and help on the farm but alas… we need the health insurance so I work. I only do 24 hours a week though, and don’t ever plan on working full time if I can avoid it. I don’t think you’re crazy but I think it’s worth it to continue working until baby comes so you can save up money and juuuust in case you change your mind.
Post # 5
Thanks for another key point – health insurance! being married to a farmer means I need to be the one with a job that provides benefits unless we want to pay out of pocket, and where I work has full benefits at .5 (5 days out of every 2 weeks, hence the 2-3 days a week business – nice, I know!) I do enjoy my job (obviously being it’s part of my screen name and all (= .) , and other than being a stay at home wife/mom, it truly is the only ‘off of the farm’ job I have ever pictured myself in. I know I am lucky to be where I am, I just don’t understand why I’m feeling this role conflict all of a sudden when we’re only talking about munchkins and don’t even have one on the way yet.
Post # 6
I will be doing the part-time thing, too! I’m a teacher who will be supply teaching (instead of having my own class) when my kids come along. Fiance is a carpenter/contractor so I will be the one with the insurance/benefits. I think it will be the best of both worlds. Good luck!
Post # 7
@NurseMarriedToAFarmer: A year ago I would have thought you were crazy, honestly. Who does not want to work, have career success and financial freedom independant from a man? Well, be careful of the words that come out of your mouth because you may have to eat them! I am having thoughts of scaling back my life to be a better help mate. I never had this thought in my life until a few monhs ago. Whatever choice you choose is okay and honorable. Sometimes, life changes the person you thought you wanted to be and thats ok too. Do what makes you happy. Personally, a part time career/PRN/ consultant is what I will seek once I become a mom.
Post # 8
I feel the same way and have been battling with this thought process already (and we’ve only been married for 6 months!)! We prolly won’t start TTC until around our 2nd anniversary (Sept. 2013), unless God surprises us with a little blessing before then 🙂
I’m graduating in May with my Master’s in teaching. Similar to your field, I need specific education and hours to keep my cert. I’m just not sure how it will all play out when the time comes… I absolutely DREAM of being a stay at home mom… So, who knows what will happen 🙂
Post # 9
Two things to consider:
1. What will be most cost effective. It might be that it will pay for you to work after your first, but after that the child care costs might get too high. On hte other hand, health insurance will be a big issue, especially with that many kids.
2. Just like others have said – you never know how your mind will change. I know two moms who planned on being SAHMs but after six months were like “OMG GET ME BACK TO WORK NOW!”
Post # 10
You don’t have to figure it our right away. Play it by ear and see how you feel once you have the first kid (or two, or three). It may be there are financial or health insurance reasons to stay working. It could be you chose not to. Or you could decide that you do actually want to keep working.
We can plan for all possibilities, but sometimes it is hard to know how we will really feel when we get there.