Already married and still dealing with bridesmaids drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

What she says reflects on her, not on you.  I wouldn’t have that conversation with her either – it won’t change how she feels, it would just give her an audience to her on going pity party.   Perhaps you can tell her you prefer to move forward and hope in time she will come to terms with her dissatisfaction.  

You certainly made the right decision not to have the drama queen in your wedding party.   No matter what you did she would have been – and will be – discontent.  

Post # 4
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

@Astra:  THIS.  Sounds like this friend has serious fixation issues regarding weddings.  You sounded more than generous with that bracelet.  I wouldn’t meet with her for that talk.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would tell her, kindly but definitely, that it isn’t going to be healthy to exume all these resentments by over-analysing what has gone on before and that, importantly, there is “no side” to any story. As a result, you don’t think that meeting up for the purpose she describes will be a productive or positive experience for either of you. 

She’s clearly got an attention-seeking missile heading in your direction. So I’d deflect it by simply not meeting up.

 

Post # 6
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would just tell her that there isn’t really anything for you to discuss and would prefer to put the situation behind you both. If she persists, just continue telling her that there isnt anything you can do about it now and there you will not discuss it with her, and refuse to meet/send her an explainatory email, etc. Dont go into detail or anything, just shut her down every time she brings it up. It’s not ok that she’s doing this at all.

Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one, if you considered having her in your party! yikes!

ETA: lol I sound super harsh, I just meant that you kind of need to make it a point that you won’t even consider talking about it to soothe her ego, it makes no one in the situation feel any better and doesn’t fix anything. Take the high road and dont escalate the situation like she has.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@fauxfatale:  Oh lordy. I agree with others that the conversation is really kind of pointless. She obviously needs to just get over it. I would say something like “I’m sorry you’re still hurt about my wedding. I included you in the way that I thought would be special and stress-free. I wish this hadn’t caused you so much pain, but I don’t feel that there is much else to discuss. I hope that we can move past this as your friendship is very important to me.”

Post # 8
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

couldn’t have said it any better than the PPs and i LOVE helping people figure out what to say to other people, lol. Best wishes!

Post # 9
doilyMember
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I have people like this in my life. She doesn’t want to understand why you didn’t choose her, she ultimately wants you to apologize for the percieved wrongs, whether you were right or not. You absolutely get to choose your BM’s, and for her to want you to explain your reasoning way after the fact is a bit ridiculous.

I would do exactly what @lia said, and if she still pushes the issue, you know that she doesn’t really want to resolve anything, she just wants the attention.

Post # 10
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would plainy tell her that I’ve seen the online journal entry and would tell her that I tried to include her by doing …. In the end I’d tell her that since I wasn’t the first person she vented her “resentment” to, I wouldn’t want to hear or read anymore of it!

Post # 11
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MexiPino:  +1 

That’s the best way to handle it really.  Short and sweet with a definitive ending. 

And if she persists, just tell her… that you heard writing online in a journal can be very theraputic. ^^

Post # 12
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@fauxfatale:  i’d tell her – ‘there is no ‘side of my story’ – i was honoured to ask you to do a reading at our ceremony – we chose something very special and were happy that you were the one to read it. we loved having you at the rehearsal party and did everything we could to make you feel included. i’m sorry that you are upset about your involvement in our wedding.’

 

leave the ball in her court. she’s being needy and rude. in some ways, i think a reading is a bigger deal than bm – the person is speaking in front of all your guests at the ceremony! 

Post # 14
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow, talk about needing to prolong the drama!

Why anyone would need to complain about being bored at an event weeks afterward is not something I can comprehend. Everything she’s complaining about is so normal for weddings — you sit with people, you watch people, you eat, and you choose to either have fun or feel sorry for yourself.

Just say, “I had a great time at my wedding and was happy you were there to celebrate with us. I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy yourself. I don’t see that it will do us any good to have a rehash of a day that is not going to be repeated.”

 

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