(Closed) Already married, but family doesn’t know yet

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Just be honest with them and tell them you’re married already.  Yes they will probably be shocked, but they’ll get over it. It’s always better to be honest with your family.

Post # 4
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

honestly, even if they are supportive of your relationship, it’s quite another thing to be supportive of a secret marriage, especially if they’ve never met your hustband.  you should be prepared for some shock and potential anger.  i think it is going to be a hard thing to do, but i also think it is unavoidable, unless you want to be secretly married in the long run.  just go in knowing that it isn’t going to be easy.

Post # 5
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you should just tell them the situation and it was a last minute thing and want to celebrate with them when he comes back and have an actual wedding. Thats what I would do. I dont think you should lie to your parents. Thats family!

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, the only way I can see this turning into a huge thing is if they find out from other than you guys. They might be kind of hurt that they weren’t involved at first, but I think they could get over that with time and the excitement of doing it “for real” (air quotes just a way to emphasize the whole wedding shebang… not to imply you’re not really married… you know what I mean, hopefully).

Post # 9
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

One of my friends did this, and they never told the families because her mom is crazy religious and would see it as living in sin without a church/religious wedding).  No one knew except me (maid of honor) and our other two best friends…and really, no one needed to.

Post # 10
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

my brother called home a few years ago and said ” … oh by the way I got married two weeks ago”. we were all shocked ( i myself had never met her and my parents met her once) We didnt even know they were that serious. My mom was hurt but my dad was livid. I never heard my dad use so many curse words in a sentence (and he was a sailor for 20 years and now is trucker, if that  tells you anything). But you know what We all got over it. and it didnt even take us that long. Your family will understand and if they dont tell them its for the benifits 😉

Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I think that what you tell your parents is totally up to you.  I agree that your parents may respond very differently if you tell them you are engaged rather than married, but you know them best. 

I went to school with a girl who, on Spring Break, married her now husband at the courthouse.  They had a set wedding date for that summer (so about 3-4 month later), but because of immigration issues, they legally got married sooner and kept it from their families.  She had her ceremony a few months later and acted like that was her “official” wedding day.  She didn’t regret her decision at all.  She actually loves the fact that she gets two anniversaries and one of them is her “secret” anniversary.

Sometimes we just need to do what’s right for us! 

Post # 12
Member
204 posts
Helper bee

Congratulations on your marriage!  I think it’s best to be honest with both sets of parents about what’s going on rather than lying and calling yourselves only engaged.  Yes, it might be a shock, but hopefully if your parents are truly supportive, they’ll understand why you did what you did and be excited about celebrating when your husband returns from his deployment.

I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer, and I sincerely hope that your husband returns home safe and sound at the end of his tour, but you also do need to consider what would happen if something were to happen to your husband.  You are now his next-of-kin and would be the one notified, but his parents probably assume that they are NOK for their (in their minds, unmarried) son — it seems like explaining your secret marriage would be one more thing you wouldn’t want to have to deal with under those circumstances.  In my mind, it’s better to do it together, now.

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