- 3 years ago
Hello everyone! I am new to this cite but recently felt the urge to make a post concerning some personal issues in my life right now. I have read several posts( probably too many) of numerous opinions of if you can have a ceremony after you are already married, or not. I have read that many problems arise when a couple lies to their friends and family and does not tell them they are already married beforehand. My situation is actually the opposite. I was married in a courthouse with my husband only. Our friends were not able to attend, my husband’s family lives more than 1000 miles away, and my family did not approve of our marriage so they were not invited ( I will say I also assumed they would not want to attend considering they did not want us to get married, and I just did not want that negativity around while I was getting married). I knew that it was not a good idea to lie to my family and so I told them the truth, I planned to get married in a courthouse and have my “ceremony” or “celebration” later when my husband and I could afford it and other details fell into place. My husband’s family has been very supportive, as well as my friends, however I am now having problems with my family. To my family, my wedding is done and over, I cannot have a “fake wedding” (which I have no intention of doing so), and what I did “to them” was “very wrong”. They tell me that my husband and I disrespected them because we did this and my husband “failed to stop me”. (I had hoped they would respect my decision, but I was mistaken). My then fiance even asked my father for permission to marry me because he thought it was the right thing to do, however my father was insulted!…My parents are very traditional, religious, and controlling. They wanted me to wait 2 more years until I got married. I am constantly asked why did I do this and why couldn’t I just wait. The only answer I have for them is well, because we wanted to, my husband I love each other more than anything, and I believe marriage is a decision between the bride and groom only. My fiance and I could not wait, and the only reason to wait would have been for my family’s wishes. Part of me sometimes thinks even if I had waited those 2 years, I would still be in a similar situation as I am now. Anyways, I still want to have a celebration or ceremony with all of my friends and family, a white dress, etc. in a year or 2. I believe they still deserve to see us exchange our vows and I want them to see how happy we are. However I am not sure what to call this celebration when I send out my invitations. I do not want to offend any of my family members (any more than I already have) and want to address them in a way that could, I hate to word it this way, but convince them to attend. I have been struggling with depression due to all of the horrible insults that have come from my family. My father even refuses to walk me down the aisle because I am already married. To me this is symbolic, but I love my family and I am hurt that they feel this way. They have threatened my life and my husbands life, have convinced themselves that my husband manipulated me to marry him, and think he is “a nobody” (My husband is in the military, has already finished college, has his dream career working in a hospital, and makes enough money to support me if I could not support myself, and my family knows this). In the end, my family is either going to attend, or not, but I will be heartbroken if they don’t. I know that all I can do right now is hope that in time they come around and see how happy I am and what a wonderful husband I truly have. I apologize for rambling but I felt some background info was needed. So again I ask, how can I address my invitations? How can I have this ceremony/celebration/vow renewal with my situation? Any suggestions and positive motivation are welcome! Thanks for reading 🙂 excuse my poor grammar and spelling…I am in a rush.