Post # 1
The BF proposed Dec 23rd (at a Christmas light show!), and of course I said yes…so far, we’ve discussed a tentative August 2015 northern WI wedding. We live in southern WI but have spent quite a bit of time in the Northwoods, plus, it’s gorgeous up there.
The problem is that my parents are weirdly against the wedding being about 3 hours away. They keep saying that having this ‘far away’ means ‘a lot of people can’t show up’. We are only planning for about 100 people to be invited. We aren’t wanting a huge shindig. He’s not even going to be wearing a tux, and it’s going to be all outside and probably rather low key.
I’m only worried about one person not being able to attend, and that’s my grandpa. Him and my grandma raised me and helped my dad out when I was born (he was pretty young). My grandpa isn’t in the greatest of health and can’t always travel. Though, if he can’t travel…he literally cannot go across the city. One hour or three will not make a difference. I would give quite a bit to make sure he’s there, but since he’s able to travel now, and it’s an off and on thing anyway, I’m not sure how to predict and plan for whether or not he can make a certain location.
I really do not want the wedding in my hometown or in the town I’m living in, and neither does my fiance. The Northwoods mean a lot to us.
I’m torn between attempting to make sure my grandpa can make it, and shrugging. I would be beyond upset if he could not, but I really can’t predict this. Currently, my mother (stepmom) is making a big deal out of us choosing to get married up north, and I really have no response other than ‘well we want it there’ because I feel a bit selfish saying it…at the same time, well, we do want it there and I can’t predict two years in the future.
Am I wrong in feeling that 3 hours is not that bad a distance, and to plan for the best rather than the worst (in terms of my grandpa making it)? Is there a classier way to tell my mother that we are going to choose this place regardless other than “please can it”?
Post # 3
My grandpa also goes hunting up north quite a bit with my dad. This confuses me further on why he wouldnt’ be able to make a Door County wedding, when it’s actually closer than the hunting grounds. *shrug*
Post # 4
@gillykat824: Who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are paying, it does give them more of a say in how the money is spent.
It’s not wrong to hold the wedding anywhere. Every choice has its’ own implications.
A wedding that is 3 hrs away means all your guests will incur extra expenses as they will have to get a hotel room. That may influence their decision to attend or to decline.
Post # 5
Right now my parents have not been asked to pay for anything, nor have they offered. We’re planning on paying for 90% of it on our own (FI’s parents have already insisted on paying for the rehearsal dinner).
I do understand I will be asking a bit more of our guests, I’m just really confused on why it’s such a big deal to her, and when I ask I don’t really get concrete reasons. I fully expect a chunk of the guests to not want to pay for hotel or drive up, and I won’t be upset at that – it’s their choice to not go, and our choice of location. Honestly, if the only thing keeping my immediate family back was cost of a hotel, I’d help them out with that. Also, my grandparents arent’ making a fuss….just my mom. It’s also not her parents, and usually she complains about my grandmother. She also doesn’t like the month or the year or the outdoors part or really any other idea I put forward.
I really wasn’t expecting this from my mother this soon, and I’m not sure if she’s trying to raise a legitimate issue or just trying to make a fuss.
Post # 6
@gillykat824: 3 hours IS a long way to travel, but then again people have over a year to plan this trip.
As for your grandfather, if he can go hunting up there he can find a ride. Or you can provie him transportation.
If someone brings that up, just nicely say “the wedding place is closer than his usual hunting spot so it works out”
As for stepmother, a nice “this is what we what’ repeated ad nasuem followed by “mmmhmmms” will suffice hahahah.
Post # 7
@gillykat824: Often it is just the disconnect between today’s weddings and weddings of their generation.Most people backin the day got marriedin the bride’s hometown.
Acknowledge their concerns, then carryonplanning your wedding.they had the chance
to plan when it was their wedding.
Post # 8
Thanks, lol. I wasn’t expecting to start needing the constant ‘mhms’ yet I suppose. It hasn’t even been a month yet…And you’re right – my parents did get married in their hometown and actually have never moved out of it, whereas fiance and I are going to move as far up north as possible once I finish my degree. My parents also had a big church wedding as formal as can be, so I’m sure I’m going to be able to say “This is what we are planning” and “Thank you for your suggestions” in my sleep by the time we’re actually married.
I’m going with my mother this Sunday to a bridal show, so while we’re there I can show her things I like and hopefully she’ll realize that what she may have in mind is not necessarily what I/fiance have in mind.