(Closed) Already unhappy

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am SO sorry that you are feeling so badly. My heart goes out to you ! What I understand is that your husband’s normal character is to be caring and attentive and thoughtful, right? So why don’t you go to him and tell him how you feel? You two may just chalk it up to “experience” move on with the rest of your lives.

Unless, were you feeling doubtful at another point in the past in your relationship with him?

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but it does sound like the stress of the wedding is what led to all of this happening.  He was probably stressed and scared about making the lifelong commitment, while you were stressed that everything go perfectly (i.e. guests come to your table to talk to you).  In six months, this will not be a big deal.  It’s disappointing though that you can’t think of your wedding as a joyous occasion, but honestly it’s not worth dwelling on it any more.  It’s one day (although we girls make it into a HUGE deal) and you’ve got your whole marriage together ahead of you.  Don’t make a rushed decision and do something crazy based on two days that didn’t go according to your plan.  You marriage is with the man you’ve know for ___ years — not just the guy who behaved badly for two days.  Focus on the positive and move forward is what I would do.  As easy as it is for us to give you advice here, you have to really be willing to let it go though or else it will fester inside of you and you will carry anger toward him. 

Post # 5
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I mean there are ways out of the marriage if that is what you want. Since it is still early you can get an annulment which basically makes the marriage void for legal purposes.

If you love this man, and want to make it work  I of course I suggest counselling. (I suggest going to counselling anyways if an annulment is your choice.)  Talking to him tell him how you feel about his behavour at the wedding and tell him going to counselling would be important for you.

Post # 6
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so sad. What you’ve described would make me sad as well! I would suggest talking to your husband and letting him know what’s bothering you. Bring up the fact that this seems so out of character for him and you’re wondering what’s going on. You don’t want to start out your new marriage resentful and not communicating so talking to him seems the best course of action. Hopefully, when you let him know how you feel he’ll explain what his thoughts and feelings are and you guys can go from there. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know, this sounds like overreacting to me. Maybe its still too recent for you to step back and evaluate what happened. If this is really out of character for him then you should tell him how you feel and try to move on. If marriages always ended based on a few incidents the divorce rate in this country would be 99%. I don’t see anything wrong with him socializing during your wedding, I would think it was strange if the groom just sat at his table and expected all the guests to come over and talk to him. Weddings are stressful and if you were drinking at your bachelor/bachelorette that could explain the fighting.

Post # 8
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

How certain are you that you want out? Do you think that talking about it will help to resolve some issues? If there’s even a small part of you that wants to work this out, I would suggest trying. Some people have suggested counseling, and I think that’s a great idea. There’s no shame in it! 

Does your husband know how you feel? Maybe he has no clue that you’re so upset. I know that a LOT of emotions come out during planning a wedding, and usually once it’s over, they go away.

Keep us updated, it helps to vent!

Post # 10
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@unhappywife10: Oh no, that’s a horrible update ! How can he say that to you? Now I know why you want out 🙁

Maybe leave, but just for a few days to a spa and gather your thoughts? Allow him to miss you? Although I know that’s a terrible thing to have to say about newlyweds.

Post # 12
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am inclined to agree with LGenz.

Post # 13
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think he was definitely having cold feet and freaking out about the serious commitment.  It hit my husband pretty hard the night before our wedding, too.  It’s not like they want to back-out or they don’t love you, but I think it just hits them like a ton of bricks all of a sudden that they are GETTING MARRIED.  I don’t know what it is with them but trust me, it’s not uncommon. 

Post # 14
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m confused as to why he would say he didn’t want to spend time with you at your wedding. That’s a bit ridiculous. Have you been having problems before the wedding or did these things start closer to the wedding?

How has he been acting towards you since the wedding? It just seems off that he would say he needed alone time at his own wedding. That should be time for you two to have a few moments and then spend time with your families and friends enjoying your first few hours of marriage.

Post # 16
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can understand why you’re unhappy and your husband probably was insensitive at times towards you. However, try to step in his shoes a little. Considering that bachelor’s/bachelorette’s parties and weddings are usually crazy stressful, all of his behaviors are not only understandable but also definitely not deal breakers.

Sometimes you cannot expect him to know what you think should come naturally from him. I doubt he wants to make you feel bad or neglected on purpose. It’s probably hard for him to think about every single details that could make or ruin your day if 1) there is a crazy brother around, 2) if he just wanted to have some fun at his party, and 3) there are tens or hundreds of guests to entertain.

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