Always a bridesmaid, never a bride

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Member
7305 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should have a discussion with him and find out what his timeline of things is. If you have been patient for 5 years, he should at least owe you a talk. The thing you have to think about though, like many waititng bees, is what are you hoping to achieve with the talk? Of course, engagement and marriage, but if he doesn’t come through for you by a certain time you will need to have another talk and possibly a consequence (It seems way too harsh to say it that way but I’m at a loss for better words. I apologize).

If you guys communicate well just talk to him and tell him everything you just told us. Honestly, I never considered the ICU thing. You raise a good point. Sounds like you really love him a lot, and he is lucky to have you.

Member
11096 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunflower7:  yes you should bring it up – this converastion is long overdue in my books.  I would never have moved in not knowing what the future looked like, but that’s just me.  It definitely won’t be pressuring him to ask him what he thinks about marriage, etc.  Good luck!

Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why would you be scared to bring up the future when you already live together?  I would have had that discussion before I ever moved in.

Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dont think it would be pressuring him to talk about it.  I mean obviously, living in the same house and being together for that long, you should be able to communicate about whats on your mind and your future together.  You should discuss what you see in the future for yourselves together and make sure that you have the same goals in mind.  Don’t add pressure by giving him a deadline but just make sure that you both have a desire for the same things.  Good Luck :)

Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think around the 5yr mark is pretty typical of when people start talking marriage. You need to discuss it with him because it’s bothering you, and if he doesn’t want marriage then that’s something you need to know and be ok with if you’re going to stay together. Approach the subject delicately and let him know that marriage is something you want in life. Don’t give him a deadline or ultimatim, just be honest about how you’re feeling and give him time and space to think about it if he doesn’t have an answer for you when you initially discuss it. He may not have asked you yet because you are younger than him, maybe he wanted to be sure that you didn’t feel like you were settling, or being rushed into anything. Sounds like you guys have a good relationship, I hope it works out for you both. Don’t worry about when others are getting married, every relationship is different.

Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Garden

@sunflower7:  Oh Boy! I totally understand you! I just brought the subject and he rejected it and told me to cool off and stop pressuring him… I don’t think it had any meaning or changed things, I think my BF wants to stay the way we are… but he just ask me to be patient, it would be nice if he said “I want to stay like this forever”, that way I would scale if I’m willing to stay like this, or if marriage is important to me. I have invested good 4 years in this relationship, and I deserve to know what’s gonna come right? Why guys make this so difficult?

Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

After 5 years, you should definitely make sure you two are on the same page. If a guy feels ‘pressure’ from that kind of talk that long into a relationship then I’d probably be questioning my future with him. Good luck with your conversation- I’m sure it’ll go well!!

Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@sunflower7:  i wish people would just shut up and not ask questions like “when is it your turn”. people piss me off with questions like that.

Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lilsweetie:  Ugg, I agree. I get that almost weekly at work and it drives me nuts. It’s so inappropriate and it just makes the waiting harder.

 

@sunflower7:  Any update?

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