(Closed) Always the guilt trip.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t think your mom was trying to guilt-trip you at all. She was being honest and up-front about her other financial commitments. This may sound harsh, but I think the best thing to do is to 1) stop being down on your mom for not being able to help you financially (you even said she’s struggled, so cut her some slack) and 2) stop expecting cash to come in from your family when it’s  been made perfectly clear to you that it’s not going to happen. If you keep thinking it’s going to happen, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s great that your Future In-Laws are helping out, but please stop comparing your mother to them. It’s very unfair.

It sucks that she won’t give you the same help she gives your siblings, but it’s pretty clear that it’s not going to change. The thing to do now is to accept that your mom just won’t be helping you pay for your wedding and move on. If you let it eat away at you, unfair as it is, it’s going to mess up your relationship with her.

Post # 4
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law seem like very nice and understanding people. I doubt they are bitter towards you about your Mother not contributing anything. They have to know you can’t force your Mother to pay and I bet they are willing to help out because they can afford it and they love both you and your Fiance. 


Post # 5
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry to hear you are feeling so crappy ๐Ÿ™ I hope at least posting has helped you vent some. I agree somewhat with Mrs. Grape- don’t let it eat you alive that you’re mother is not (whether she can or not) helping you financially. The last thing you want is the tension of it all building up and coming to blows. Planning and paying for a wedding is absolutely stressful, but just keep in mind the end result- you get to marry your man ๐Ÿ™‚ 

It’s difficult too that your dad is less than involved in your life let alone the wedding. Try not to let that get you down either. Unfortunately certain aspects of life just suck. Its not fair that your mom is spending a ton of money on your siblings and not you. It sucks that your dad is the way he is. BUT you can’t control anyone but yourself. Don’t let anyone else take away your joy. This is your wedding, your time to shine. If you have to make budget cuts, etc. then so be it. Don’t feel guilty if in-laws want to help, instead be happy they are so generous. 

Hope this helps. I know being positive is much easier said than done.

Post # 6
46263 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like your brother is younger than you if he is still going to camp, so this may have nothing to do with favoritism to your sister and brother. To me it just sounds like your Mom isn’t very good with managing money and comes to her senses now and then. Unfortunately for you, her timing sucks. She clearly also doesn’t have much money.

There are many brides on the Bee who are paying for their own weddings, or paying with the help of their Fiance. Plan the wedding that you can afford and be proud of yourself instead of down on your Mom.


Post # 8
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t have any advice but here’s a giant (((HUG)))

Post # 9
14347 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Geez.  I dont know what to say except sorry you have to go through this.  You cant change your mother and she just seems completely unfair for one reason or another.  I hope you can get past this and just focus on your new life with your loving husband to be. 

Post # 10
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know how you feel. My mum isnt very well off and my dad could not give a crap. His words when I told him I was engaged were “OMG. Congratz. That was quick!” and I havent heard from him since… this was february.

Anyway, my guy is paying for pretty much everything cause I don’t work. He is probably gonna get help from his grandparents too. His mom keeps buying decorations too.

You’re not alone!

But yeah, it sucks when people act like they don’t care. But you will be married soon and the wedding will be awesome. Please don;t worry too much about the in laws helping out because they must really care to be having an input, and you are really lucky to be joining a great family! (thats the way I see my situation anyway ๐Ÿ˜› )

Post # 11
4371 posts
Honey bee

Have you sat down with your mom and said to her, “You had told me you wanted to help out financially with the wedding. Can we discuss what you want to contribute?”?

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