Always thought I would keep my last name…Now I don't know!

posted 3 years ago in Names
  • poll: Name change
    Keeping maiden name : (21 votes)
    22 %
    Changing to his last name : (67 votes)
    69 %
    Other (explain) : (9 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @ralessio: I changed my name (and changed my maiden name to my middle name), but not gonna lie, it was and continues to be a little weird.  I’m 31 and my husband and I had been together for 13 (!) years – neither of us wanted to get married til we were 30ish.  So to suddenly have a new name at this age and after this long together is kinda strange.  I definitely identify as a feminist and my husband is not macho/traditional at all, so it’s not like it was a given for me to do this.

    I did it because I’m kind of ambivalent about my maiden name (it has a silent H so it gets mispronounced all the time, annoyingly) and because I really like the idea of us and our future children all having the same name.  And i hate hyphenated names, so that was out.  

    Changing your name on EVERYTHING is a giant pain in the ass, but I figured it was worth it to just suck it up and do it the one time.  And luckily I slacked a bit and am just now publishing stuff under my married name from my master’s 2 years ago, lol.

    Ultimately I’m glad I did it and yes, I do feel like sharing a name makes us more officially a partnership.  (No judgement on those who didn’t change their name, just my two cents for the two of us.)  My husband was fine with me doing whatever I wanted, but I know he feels very proud & happy that I share his name, which is cute.

    Anyhoo, good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I didn’t change my name.  It’s MINE.  I don’t have to have the same name as my husband to know we’re married.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I changed my name.  Politically, I don’t love the idea.  But aesthetically, I didn’t especially like my maiden name.  And since we were planning on having kids I wanted our family to have the same last name.  So, I took one for the team so to speak.

    Post # 6
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @ralessio:  I kind of identify with what you are saying, so I will be interested in seeing the responses. I haven’t fully decided yet either. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’m pretty certain we’re both going to hyphenate, as long as his parents don’t flip their lids over it (very traditional on what the woman should do, and name changing is almost certainly in it). I know FI can’t/won’t change his name for the same reasons I’m reluctant to do the same, and his parents WOULD flip out if he did that (plus the courts will convict him of fraud, apparently).

    But I’ve got degrees in my maiden name, and I’m the only offspring to continue my name, plus I just like it; the initials are fun, although they would fun be with his last name too. I don’t know what we’re going to do about children – probably what my first women’s studies professor did and flip for whose last name they get (they ended up with an even split on four kids, girls with mom’s last name and boys with dad’s, amusingly).

    But then again, it’s all predicated on FI’s parents not flipping their lids over the name thing; I don’t know that their reaction will change what we/I do, but I want to be ready in case we have to decide what hill we want stand and fight on (figuratively speaking).

    Post # 8
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Here’s how I see it, a name does not make you family or give you a deeper or more meaningful connection.  I am not declaring that I am closer to my family because I will not change my last name. 

    A name doesn’t make you family, but I feel my name makes me “me” and I’m not giving that up for anyone.  It doesn’t mean I’m not committed to FI and our relationship or do not want to be a part of his family.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I am keeping my maiden name because I feel like it is who I am.  It may sound stupid to some people, but it’s important to me. I absolutely hate the tradition because I feel it’s sexist. Not only that but FI and I are also not having children, so there’s no issues about that.  My names flows nice how it is now, but with FI’s last name, it sounds ridiculous.  He also does not want me change my last name either.

    As for feeling like family, I see it is as my best friend and I are never going to share a last name, but that doesn’t stop me from calling her my sister. She means more to me then some of my own family members do! If you really want to keep your name, do it! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1648 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I haven’t decided. 

    I might do it later, but now that I’m pregnant, not sure if changing my SS#, license, and all that will have an impact on my insurance coverage, plus I booked airline tickets for the spring and I’m sure that’ll be a hassle to update as well.  My husband doesn’t care either way so I don’t really have a valid reason or urge to change it.  I don’t think it’d bring us “closer”… we’ve created our first baby together, not sure how much closer can you get than that!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2169 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @ralessio:  You don’t need to change your name to have a deeper bond, but if you feel that you do and you want to then how about hyphenating? My mother has always hyphenated and has had absolutely no problems with it. I’ve talked to her about it and she says she’s happy with how this has turned out for her.

    I’m going to make my maiden name my middle name because I don’t have a middle name and my maiden name is really long so it wouldn’t look good hyphenated anyway. My mother’s maiden name is short, so it looks good with the short name first and long name second.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1392 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I was married before and was pumped to change my name. When we divorced, I really loathed that name and went back to my maiden name. I really felt a connection with it and vowed never to change it again. Unfortunately my new in laws were really offended when I mentioned that. I considered hyphenating but when the DMV asked me what I wanted on my driver’s license, I panicked and just said my husband’s last name. I am still sad all the time. My new name sounds like the same letter over and over when you spell it out loud. Its also a word everyone knows, but its spelled differently, so that causes a lot of confusion. My maiden name was unique but didn’t come with all these problems. I have really considered changing back but I do not want to offend my in laws who I love. My husband feels awful for me but doesn’t want to offend me either. 🙁

     

    I am no help in your situation!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2197 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @ralessio:  I changed to his. I was really hesistant. My maiden name is a 10-letter Middle Eastern last name. While a pain in the butt, it is unique and represents my heritage. His name is a very simple American name. But ultimately I wanted us to form our own family unit (his mother is remarried and has a different name, he doesn’t really have a connection to his name other than it is his). My first name is Middle Eastern, but I am addressed by my middle name. So moving my maiden name to middle was not an option. 

     

    I mostly changed it because it was important to him. And I don’t regret it one bit!! The love in his eyes the first few times I was called Mrs.HisLastName was all worth it! I know he loves me, that’s not a question, it was just so adorable. Now I can’t see myself ever going back. 🙂 

     

    Personally I don’t view it as sexist. While I understand that argument, I didn’t find it an issue. I’m proud to have the same last name as my husband. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I am a bit torn over mine. I like tradition but I am a bit of a feminist but throw in that I teach high school and FI’s name is unusual and the kids could prob come up with a few inappropriate joke that I don’t really want to have to deal with.

    I don’t see how changing your name would increase the bond between you and your spouse. I can see the appeal if you are planning to have children though.

    My main concern is that my quite traditional FI may be disappointed in my desicion.

    Post # 16
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I made my maiden name my middle name and changes my last name to my husband’s.

    DH wanted me to chnage my last name.  For now, I don’t think it matters but when we have kids, I want all of us to have the same last name.

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