(Closed) Am I a bad friend?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you did anything wrong.  I would have gone to the game.  An invite to a shower is just that, an invite.  It’s not a supena and you are free to decline.  It sucks that it was such late notice and I can understand her being disappointed you couldn’t make it. But the fact that she is sooo pissed is immature and an over-reaction IMO.

However, for the sake of the friendship, I would try and do something nice to make it up to her.  Maybe take her out to lunch or dinner and have a nice girls’ day.

 

Post # 4
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would have been pissed at you too. I would have let FI/DH take a friend. I mean at this point all you can do is try to patch things up. Say you were surprised and had to make a quick decision and felt obligated to go as they were a gift.

Also, who gives next day baseball tickets to someone?

Post # 5
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can see why she would be upset, but if I were in the same position I probably would’ve used the tickets too! Its not like you purposely bought these tickets when you knew her party was then, they were a gift, and you had to use them or waste quite a bit of money.
My best advise would be to give her a bit of time to get over it, but take her out to dinner or something to try and make up for it. You may have missed her shower but you can still make time for her. Did you still give her the gift? I probably would’ve sent it with another friend to make sure she still got it. Maybe she’s also upset that she got you a gift (if she did), and came to your party, but you didn’t show up to hers OR give her a gift?

Post # 7
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@LGenz:  I agree.  I think it’s more bizarre that someone gave you tickets as a gift for a game the next day.

To be honest, I’d be pissed at you too.  IMO, your FI should have taken a friend, or you should have just sold the tickets. 

Post # 8
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s unfortunate timing. I think that I would have gone to the game because otherwise the tickets would be wasted.

@LGenz:  I’m with you, shouldn’t they have at least a little time to plan to go not just the next day?

Post # 9
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You are not in her bridal party and you weren’t throwing her this shower, so as much as she wanted you to be there, you are in NO WAY required to attend. At least you told her, and didn’t just not show up (I say this because I had a bridesmaid do that who was actually supposed to help throw the shower)! Find a way to give her a gift in private maybe, or like PP suggested, have a girls night to make it up to her. She can’t stay mad forever.

Post # 10
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m torn. On one hand– it’s just a shower, not a mandatory event. Also, Red Sox tickets would be the shizzz and I’d want to go. On the other hand– my guess is you rsvp’d or obligated yourself to her shower first. I always frown upon ditching someone because a better option came along. Baseball games happen every year, your MOH’s shower doesn’t. If it were at all possible, I would attend the shower. 

Post # 11
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sure receiving those tickets was extremely exciting and very tempting.  It could have been a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to see the game from such great seats, and I completely understand your wanting to not offend the person who gave you such a generous gift.

However, if your MOH’s bridal shower was scheduled for the next day, it is extremely likely that you had already accepted the first social engagement prior to discovering that someone had given you the tickets. If you had indeed already responded “yes” to her shower, and you then, in essence, informed her that you were declining because you received a better offer (even if you did not use those words), it truly is a breech of etiquette.  So, yes, technically, you were wrong to do this.

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you feel like a D-list friend of this person’s, why is she your MOH?

Post # 13
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I reallly don’t understand why she’s mad. She is your MOH & “flakes” out often on you and you are NOT her MOH, nor are you in her wedding party, therefore you are simply a guest invited to her bridal shower.

I think the tickets are very thoughtful, maybe the giver could only get those good tickets on that specific date or maybe they knew you wanted to see your team play a specific team (I know MrN & I have gone to some Blue Jays games on specific dates becuase we’d like to see them play the “away” team). I think it would have been very rude if you would have had your FI take a friend with him instead of you, the tickets were given to you & FI.

Personally I think your friend needs to get over herself, I’m sure she didn’t miss you, she sounds very self centred and I’m sure she loved being the center of attention.

I’d set up a dinner date, give her the gift you got her (I hope she doesn’t say anything to you about them being inexpensive, if she does I’d say I’m sorry but I have to leave & if she asks why I’d tell her how ungrateful she is being).

Good luck (P.S. I had a friend like this, she was my MOH however I’ve removed her from my wedding and my life and it was the best decision I’ve ever made!).

Post # 14
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you are in the wrong. I always believe that friends come first. You owe her an apology and explanation. How would you have felt if she did that to you?

ETA: I just reread the post and your complaint list about your friend. It seems like you listed all of those negative things about her to make yourself feel better about what you did.

Post # 15
Member
46151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Mom always taught us that if you had already accepted an invitation, it is extremely rude and hurtful to change your mind if you got a better offer.

Whether you are or are not in the wedding party has nothing to do with the fact that you already accepted the invitation to the shower.

I think it was very insensitive of the giver of the game tickets to do so, not knowing your plans for the day, but I also think you erred in going to the game instead of keeping a previous commitment.

I think you did have a couple of options. You could have let your FI take a friend to the game. or you could have phoned the stadium and asked if you could turn in the tickets and get a credit for another game.

Mom also taught us to put ourselves in the other person’s place, if we had trouble figuring out the right thing to do. What if you had invited this couple to dinner, prepared a great meal, bought flowers and wine and they sent an email saying they had a change of plans and wouldn’t be attending?

I think you know that what you did was wrong but are still trying to justify it to yourself.

 

Post # 16
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can understand her being hurt, but I don’t think that you’re a bad friend. If your presence meant that much to her, then she should have included you in her bridal party. It sounds like shes just finidng a reason to get upset, IMO.

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