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I think all of those things, while not ideal, are the type of unavoidable situations that people expect during weddings. Would it be nice to have the ceremony and reception right after each other, yeah, but it can't always happen that way and people know that. I think your wedding party picture time is fine too, because since you are providing the wedding party with limos then their SOs will have use of their cars. The one thing I would say is once you are done with your pictures (it really won't take 2-3 hours) then let your wedding party rejoin their SOs until the reception. Either invite the SOs to come hang out with your guys or send the wedding party off on their own.
But yeah, none of those things are rude, so don't worry about it. We're not like those nitpicky girls at The-Other-Site-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named ;)
Welcome! I wouldnt' worry too much about the down time between venues. From what I've seen its pretty standard and expected by some. People will deal fine. I'd just explain to wedding party members that they'll be transportation for them but not their guests'. Its probably not that big of a deal if everyone knows each other! Same goes for the seating at the reception. Although we're not going this route- it seems a little forced. Why bring a date if you cant sit with them?
I usually don't conform to "etiquette" :) Besides with so many weddings now days, anything goes!
But, the gap is a bit of an inconvenience. I'm trying to think of a suggestion for your guests to do (keeping in mind that they are dressed up) but can't think of anything. Have you already booked both places? Is there anyway you can find somewhere else that wouldn't have such a gap?
Regarding the limo, its totally fine that its just the WP, dates of your WP wouldn't expect to go in the limo anyway, b/c typically they wouldn't be traveling with the bride & groom to take pics.
Personally the whole head table & no dates isn't my thing. But, its def not "wrong" for the WP's dates to sit elsewhere, in fact this happens in many cases with a head table.
Hi Penguin,
My husband was in a wedding party last fall, and he went for pics as I hanged out with other people in the meantime.
Also, he was sitting up front with the married couple, and they (at first) had me alone at a table with people I didn't know. Now, there were guests I knew at the wedding, but they didn't sit me with them because my husband's ex was also at that table (they did not end on good terms and have never spoken since. She left him for another man and was with him at that wedding). Soooo... I did an awful un-etiquette thing; the day of the wedding (or the day before I can't remember) when I saw I wasn't sitting with our friends and there was an empty chair at their table, I asked them to move me even if the ex was there - I mean, I don't care what happened years ago, and I didn't want to be alone...
I was also at another wedding, where there was a long gap between the ceremony and the reception. We had a little get together at a friends place for drinks in the meantime, no biggie...
I guess what I'm saying is there's no problem with what you're planning to do, but maybe make sure that the SOs that won't be with their partner have other people who they can enjoy their dinner with, not be alone out there if possible.
None of those things are at all ideal but I don't think they are necessarily breaking etiquette rules.
Just know that you're guests will be inconvenienced with the 2-3 hour gap. And the bridal parties SOs are probably going to be uncomfortable not being to be with their SO (especially if they don't know other people there. How would you feel being alone at an event like a wedding with no one to socialize with?).
Like I said though, etiquette-wise, no I don't think there are major issues, however, you probably will get some annoyed comments after the wedding.
Welcome to Wedding Bee, by the way! lol
Man, I bet the Knotties had a field day with you! Many of us have been there. I can sympathize.
Here's what I think about your questions.
1: For a guest, that's not an ideal situation, but it's nothing worth complaining about, especially if I lived or was staying close to the venues. It sounds like something you can't control, and I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's nice of you to offer ideas of activities on your website, though.
2: I guess it depends on the relationship of the SOs to the bridal party,and how your bridal party and their SOs would react. If I didn't know many people who were going to the wedding, I'd be pretty lonely and bored while my SO was off in the limo getting photos taken. Would I think it was rude? Nope. But I would probably be a bit uncomfortable.
3: Again, it depends on the relationship of the SOs to the bridal party, and their personalities. I went to a wedding as a date one time. He was in the bridal party and ate at the head table, and I ate with strangers at another table. I didn't resent the couple for doing it that way, but I did feel uncomfortable for most of dinner. If I was a more social person, I probably wouldn't have minded, but I'm pretty shy.
So, in conclusion (sorry this was so long), I certainly don't think that any of your decisions are rude. But they might make certain people uncomfortable if they're not very independent or outgoing.
Man, a whole bunch of comments went up while I typed up that long-ass comment! Hahaha!
Is there any way that you can have a close friend or relative act as "social coordinator?" Maybe they can have some people over to their home for wine and cheese in between the ceremony and reception, or plan an outing at a bar or cafe?
#1 and #2 are fine. Don't even worry about it. We do that in my culture all the time, it's expected actually.
For #2, if you and your FI can try and take some separate photos pre-ceremony with your attendants that will cut down on the time you need with them post-ceremony, so that would be nice if possible.
#3 is fine too, but it's always nice is people in the bridal party can sit with their SO's. If not don't sweat it. It's only one evening and once dinner is over it's not like everyone stays glued to their seats the entire time.
Some of those issues are mostly out of your control, but are you absolutely set on the head table? All of the attendants will abandon it as soon as dancing starts and move to sit next to their SOs. So it's going to be a big empty table, front and center. I would eliminate it unless you just super love the idea of a head table.
I'm ok with the gap and the limo situation. As stated by other posters it's not ideal, but I think acceptable. I would, however, consider changing your seating plan. As a member of the bridal party, or as a significant other I would be very upset about being split up from my date. We had a large bridal party and it wasn't feasible to have them and their dates all seated at one head table. So, we opted for a sweetheart table and sat our bridal party and their dates with the rest of our guests based on who they knew best.
I understand that sometimes these things cannot be helped - but with regards to #2 and #3, I would definitely make sure that it really will work. For instance, as I live in nyc, I don't drive. If my SO was in the wedding party, I would have no way to get myself from the ceremony site to the reception if I had to drive. Also, when we travel to out-of-town weddings, we don't even put my name on the car rental policy (bc I don't drive). But, if I did drive and we were traveling to a wedding, it would be nice to know that both people need to be put on the rental - otherwise again, I wouldn't be able to drive myself from the ceremony to the reception.
My biggest dislike with weddings is not sitting with my SO during the reception. Especially if I don't know many others at the wedding. It isn't fun to be at a wedding and feel alone.
@Ribbons, I plan on abandoning the table ASAP too! Actually, the head table is one thing that PenguinGuy was very, VERY adament about when it came to the reception.
@danadelphia, I have actually talked with a couple of the SOs and they were actually shocked that I would even consider either having them at the head table or seating their SO with them. For the most part all of the SOs are going to have friends at the wedding and for the one that doesn't, he is INSANELY outgoing and I have a very strong suspicion he will have no problems with the people with whom I was planning on seating him.
@egb, I don't necessarily think you did an etiquette no-no, then again, who I am to judge? lol However I am all about the wedding party and everyone mixing it up and getting social. I look at the head table and seating in general as a necessary evil to get everyone into the place, eat, and take a couple of pictures then it is party time for EVERYONE!
@just about everyone, We are looking at a couple of ideas on what we can do for our guests during the gap. We wanted to have some sort of thing in the church hall (cheese and cracker kind of stuff) but we found out we can't use the hall because of the same reason we had to schedule the ceremony as early as we did. So right now we are looking to work something out with one of hte really close hotels and maybe do a hospitality suite in a conference room where people could hang out and mingle, have a light snack of fruit/cheese/whatever until the reception venue opens.
@everyone (again) Thank you guys so much! I love how even when you don't agree with me you don't call me horrid names and degrade my character. Thank you for the wonderful advice and suggestions. :)
I just wanted to say welcome to Weddingbee! I hope you find it a supportive environment to bounce around ideas. We've got some pretty smart and creative folks here!
@penguingal - I think the "hospitality suite" is a good idea. Especially for families/elderly/locals, who may just want somewhere to relax and prepare for the party.
I think these are all still very common things to do, so there isn't an etiquette at play.
But, honestly, I do think your concern is justified. You realize that these things may be uncomfortable/inconvenient for your guests. You can work around these, though. Here are my suggestions:
- Offer an inexpensive activity for the gap. It could be something as simple as arranging a tour of a local botanical garden (which usually have free admission) or as complicated (for you in organizing) as a scavenger hunt based on your relationship. Some people will be content to just go home, but many will appreciate having something to do with the time. Doing this will really kick it up a notch in terms of catering to your guests, and it would be cool.
- Let the SO know what is up first, and see how you can accomodate them. Let them know that you can't really make exceptions, but you would be happy to find ways to make them comfortable.
Hello & welcome! The things you mention are really common and basically out of your control, despite the fact that they're somewhat inconvenient for guests. If I were you, I would change the head table situation because it seems like one of those things that you have control over and would just be really considerate to the people who are doing so much for you on your wedding day. Maybe you can talk some sense into your FI on this issue! :)
Hi there and welcome to weddingbee!
1 - We had about a 2 hour gap in between our ceremony and reception. We had our wedding in my home town, and my parents offered a little "in between" at their house for guests who traveled far enough to not be able to go home, but didn't have a hotel. I like the hospitality suite idea...it's just a nice gesture to help bridge the gap, and I think our guests really appreciated it!
2 - We also had our wedding party in the limo with us for photos and whatnot while their dates found their way to the reception or in between party. I think that's normal...at least in my neck of the woods. I've never been in a wedding party where this didn't occur, so I think you're fine. Plus, I always appreciated not having to worry about driving around on the wedding day and having transportation provided for me!
3 - I also had a head table! I've heard now that this was a huge no no, but it's just something I always wanted. Our closest friends were in our wedding party, and their dates all really knew each other or knew others invited to the wedding. I don't think they minded being separated to eat dinner. There were also a few weddings that I was in where I didn't have a date or was single at the time. I always appreciated not being stuck at the singles table.
I hope that's helpful! One other thought to cut down the gap time is a first look. Have you considered that to try to not use the gap time to take photos? I wasn't sure if that's what was causing the larger gap or if it was just the venues causing the gap. Just a thought!
Welcome to WB! I definitely think there is no problem at all with #1 & 2 - it happens all the time, no big deal.
The head table thing really depends on who the SOs are and if they have friends there. You said that they all know people and you aren't worried about them being bored, so it should be fine. I will say that I would prefer to be seated with my SO, regardless of whether or not I knew other people, but if there is no way around it, then it's no huge deal as long as they know other people!
I'd want to sit with my SO regardless and if you don't expect them hang out at the head table after dinner, why do it at all? :)
I think that's what most people will expect. My upcoming wedding will be the first one I'll attended with less than a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. I've actually been to several weddings where we had to drive 45 minutes to an hour to get from the ceremony to the reception. I would have rather have had some downtime at the hotel.
I've attended one wedding where the SOs travelled with the wedding party. I definitely don't think people should expect it. In fact my FI's sister didn't ask me to ride with them when she got married and I wasn't expecting her to.
I've only heard about SOs sitting at the head table, I've never seen it happen. Depending on how many people you have in your wedding party that could be a huge hassle for you. At the last wedding I was in my FI was seated with some people he knew. If the SOs don't know anybody sit them with each other, at least they'll have that in common :)
I don't think you're breaking any etiquette rules at all. I actually kind of enjoy the gap, because then I get a chance to take a nap, which makes me a much more fun party guest. ;) I also expect to be separated from my date if he's in a wedding party for pictures, and we'd figure out the transportation issue on our own. BUT I wouldn't seat them separately from SOs if there were any other way to do it. We actually sat at a round table with the MOH and her SO, and BM and his SO, and scattered the rest of the wedding party throughout with people they knew or would probably get along with. I'd talk to your FI again about the head table.
This is bad to admit, but I was a bad bridesmaid once and didn't sit at the head table. There wasn't a seating chart or anything, so when my husband (then boyfriend) ended up at a table with no one he knew who were family friends of mine (all 30 years older), I sat with him. I know it was absolutely terrible. If your wedding party are better people than me they won't do that, but they'll be wishing they could. Don't separate people from their dates!
Hi! & Welcome to WB! I don't understand why the girls on theknot rip each other apart. How is that helping anyone out?
#1 - is totally fine. Our gap is about the same. It's not the best situation, but there's nothing any of us can do about it. Most guests expect a bit of a gap - some even welcome it. Personally, I like to wear something nice to the ceremony/church then go home & get dressed up for the reception after. I really like the idea of a room where people can hang if they want to though. Good idea.
#2 - There's no rule for it. Our BP will be coming with us in a party bus/limo too. Although I've heard of it, I've never actually seen SO's tag along with the bridal party ever. Both FI & I have been in bridal parties where we were separated for a few hours. It's no biggie. Sometimes it’s fun to tag along with the other SO's too.
#3 - this is the only one I might rethink. If I went to a wedding where I wasn't seated with my SO I'd probably be a little upset by it. You're not breaking any rules, but I agree with the ladies who say that some people might not be thrilled with it and you might have an empty head table because everyone's off with their sig. others.
Not going to offer much over what people are already saying, but wanted to tell you how I've seen those things tackled in the past.
#1 A gap in time is understandable, frankly. At my best friend's wedding, she was fortunate enough to be able to afford a tour bus to take guests around NYC during the 3 hour gap. I realize that this is not something many people can afford, so I second the suggestions for either a hospitality suite or an inexpensive activity. I would counsel you to put some form of card or information in the invitation if you have room as opposed to listing activities on the website for the simple fact that guests don't seem to retain the information they read on wedding websites, even if they read them at all.
#2 I think this is totally understandable, and no way around it. I wrote an email after the wedding to all of the SOs thanking them for letting my husband and I steal their SO for a large part of the day. As a SO, you just kind of expect that things need to be that way for the pictures.
#3 I felt pretty strongly about having SO sit with the bridal party during the wedding. I was absolutely adamant against a sweetheart table, but just couldn't make things work. So I had a sweetheart table, and it was truly, truly awesome. We only sat at it for the toasts and the 10 minutes that we actually ate something. My husband and I had a "divide and conquer" approach to greeting everyone at the wedding, so the sweetheart table was some of the very little time we spent together during the wedding. And my bridal party could really eat! Also, instead of having a "bridal party" table, we scattered our bridal party throughout the seating chart, and built tables around them. I've been to several weddings that arranged seating this way. I kind of liked it because the guests sitting at the tables with specific wedding party members felt special. Just a suggestion.
Good luck. You are clearly a thoughtful person if you are wondering about these things, which points to your wedding being a success!
#1- I don't know where you are getting married, but this has been the norm at most of the weddings I've been to. Our gap is about 2 1/2 hours and if anyone thinks that's rude or ridiculous, then that's their problem! There are things you don't have control over- like when churches have wedding ceremonies. Don't freak out about this. People will deal.
#2- I've been in 3 weddings and never has any of the SOs come in the limo. They would be bored out of their minds because they aren't involved in the pictures. I'm sure they will figure out a way to entertain themselves for a few hours- no biggie.
#3- I don't think my FH and I have ever sat together at any of the weddings when one of us were in it- and that's exactly the reason why I won't do that at my wedding. I'm a pretty outgoing person and so is FH but it's still awkward. It's not rude if you don't want to do it, but I think the people in the wedding party really appreciate it when you accomodate them and their SO.
My BF was part of the wedding party in one wedding in his hometown... the plan was for them to do exactly what you're suggesting but my BF had to decline, since I do not drive in his country he really needed to drive me around, he also didn't seat in the designated table without me, because I didn't know anybody and he felt bad for me. Some of the BM and the GM did the same, they just went and sat with their SO's to have dinner and everthing became a little messy.
I didn't think it was rude, but, to be honest, I did find it very inconvenient, and, at the time, when I had no idea how much pain planning a wedding is, I did think the plan of the bride was a little bit... how can I say this? maybe not very smart... Sorry, just a perspective from someone that was the SO in that circumstance, especially if they don't know you well, they will not like it, that's for sure, why add stress to people and especially the wedding party in your special day?
There's no problem with any of those things per se, but they fact that you are asking about it being an issue means you recognize that the situations are not ideal and will offend some people. When SOs are involved, you should make sure that they have a way to get around (if they are in the OOT category) and that they know people or have been introduced (try designating a few of your friends to make sure the SOs feel included).
There are two philosophies: it's your day and people are going to do whatever you ask of them, or you are asking your family and friends to be your guests and celebrate your day with you. Yes, it's often a mix of both, but it helps to decide which is most important to you.
And yes, it's a lot of planning and work to try to get things to come together, but you do have options so if you chose to have the reception in a place that won't accomodate you earlier, just remember that it was your choice. If you don't have room for the SOs in the limo(s) it's your choice (like birdal party size was a choice, and getting limos was a choice). When you make a decision, try to just stick by it.
I'm with most of the people who have responded so far ... 1 and 2 are totally cool ... but I would really try to avoid a head table if possible. One time both my husband (then fiance) and I were in the wedding party but we didnt get to sit together!! They did all the bridesmaids on one side and groomsmen on the other - it was so strange to me! We literally devoured our food and then ditched the table and socialized with all our friends.
At our wedding we did a sweetheart table and it was great because we were able to sit together and chat with just ourselves for a few minutes during the crazy hectic day.
Have fun with plannning and welcome to Weddingbee!
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This is my first post on here...I was directed to this site after having had some traumatic experiences at another popular wedding board. Right now I wonder if I am breaking any sort of etiquette rules.
1. There is about a 2-3 hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the reception. Venue issues (both church and reception site) make it impossible to have the ceremony start any later and the reception begin any earlier. All of the guests are either very much in town, live within 20 minutes of both venues, or very much out of town but will be staying in hotels 5-20 minutes away. I was also planning on letting guests know via our website what things there are to do in town. Is it poor manners to have such a large gap between the events?
2. The wedding party will be joining PenguinGuy and I in the limos after the ceremony so that we can take pictures during the gap. We do not have room for the SOs of the wedding party in the limos with us. Are we rude to expect them to 'entertain themselves' for the gap?
3.I am having a head table which will consist of only the wedding party, no SOs of the party. The SOs will be seated out with the rest of the guests, either with friends of theirs or with people with whom they have much in common. Is it wrong of me to not seat the SOs at the head table too?
These questions have been bothering me for a while and I would truly like to know if I am breaking the rules of 'modern' etiquette or not.