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I started this thread the other day, you should give it a read! You are certainly not alone http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/for-those-of-us-who-dont-want-kids
@MrsSl82be: Wow, I hadn't seen that thread...thank you so much for sharing. Obsessing over this literally kept me awake last night. I need to know I'm not alone!!
No problem, there are plenty of us who have the same feelings. You are definitely not alone!!
Plenty of people don't want children. I'm about to have 2 kids, my best friend in the entire world never wants any. It's never come between us because I totally get her personality and why she feels the way she does. She wants to travel and have a big career that I never really wanted. She's not a bad person, but she mentions sometimes feeling "defective" because she doesn't want children. I think she'd be a much worse person having a baby she didn't want and would probably resent because she felt some sort of pressure to have a baby because she thought she was supposed to.
My aunt doesn't have kids either, and neither do my uncles. When I bring my daughter to their houses they always say "I love the visits, but I could never do this every day. I like sleep and quiet time to read. I like being able to get in the car and go out to lunch if I feel like it." I can definitely see the appeal in that too haha!
I can;t wait to have kids. But thats me. I respect people who know they do not want kids. I respect them a hell of a lot more than those who have them because its the "next step" and then the kids are not taken care of properly. So no you are not a bad person and I have so much respect for you to know yourself enough to know the answer to this.
I don't think I want kids. I've never had baby fever. I want to travel and have time to myself and enjoy my husband. I don't know...we will see what the future brings.
Not at all! I feel kind of "Meh" whenever yet another person in my life announces that they're TTC or pregnant, because I can't relate to it at all. At the same time, it's frustrating, because sometimes it can feel very overwhelming--like having babies is the ONLY important thing in the world. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed/depressed/disappointed by that, I remind myself of all the things DH and I are going to do instead of having a baby, and the bad feelings tend to go away.
While we'd like to adopt one child at some point, the whole parenting thing is not for us right now, and we have no interest in having biological kids. I totally get how you feel. It can be extremely awkward at times!
Not at all! I feel kind of "Meh" whenever yet another person in my life announces that they're TTC or pregnant, because I can't relate to it at all. At the same time, it's frustrating, because sometimes it can feel very overwhelming--like having babies is the ONLY important thing in the world. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed/depressed/disappointed by that, I remind myself of all the things DH and I are going to do instead of having a baby, and the bad feelings tend to go away.
While we'd like to adopt one child at some point, the whole parenting thing is not for us right now, and we have no interest in having biological kids. I totally get how you feel. It can be extremely awkward at times!
You are not a bad person at all. It is perfectly legitimate NOT to want kids. And, with 7 billion people on the planet, you're probably doing us all a favor!
@akp0702: lol you sound like me... one of my bridesmaids found out the other day that she's pregnant. It was not planned (nor wanted), but she is the type of person that will still keep the baby. It's causing a lot of conflict for her personally as well as in her relationship with her husband, as he is more into the idea of having a child.
Her pregnancy scare practically became mine; I kept thinking "what if it had been me" and the torment it might cause my relationship with my fiance. I couldn't sleep at all and spent several hours crying over it. At least now I know FOR SURE that kids are not in my future. The feelings I felt over it really solidified what is truly within me. It's difficult to go against the grain of society and the expectations to have children, but you have to look within and stay strong with what you truly want for yourself. I believe I'll only have regrets if I don't stick with what is right for me. I'm not trying to talk you into one way or the other... I'm trying to push you to take some time to accept what you want for yourself and carry yourself with confidence forward in life, regardless of what you choose. Nobody can make that decision for you - after all, they already have their chance to make choices for their own lives!
Not at all and don't let anyone make you feel that way. People that make you feel bad about your decision are the ones that are being bad.
Unfortunately society has conditioned people to believe that all women need to and want to have babies. That's simply not true. There are plenty of women that don't want kids and that's ok. It's not bad or selfish, in fact, it's much better than rushing to have one because of outside influences/expectations/pressure.
Child-free and proud :)
Don't feel bad. Some of us were born without maternal instincts. We have other things to offer the world. I told my fiance on our second date that I would never have kids, so if that was important to him, we should probably finish our tea and not see each other again. When people doubt that i don't want kids, I always tell them that I didn't like children when I was one, which is the truth, so why would I like them now.
I also get a little sad when my friends have more kids. I don't tell them that of course. That is the weirdest thing about my wedding plans. actually talking to my friends with kids and not getting board because they are talking about heir kids poop or what silly thing they did. It has been nice to reconnect, and I am sure we will be closer once their kids are older. I have friends who have teenage kids and they are plenty of fun! so once these little kids grow up, i will get my friends back again. It's also nice to call them once in a while and see if they want adult time, they usually do on occasion. My friends have been poping out kids for the past 7 years. sure I miss doing stuff with them as often as we used to, but I know in time, they will be back to a place in their life where they want to have adult, kid free fun. I am 30 now, and i figure by the time I am 40 I will reconnect with my old pals again... until they are grandparents and then, who knows.
I actually told a couple of our recently married friends that they should really stagger their child bearing so We would always have some friends to hang out with. I was kidding of course, but they thought it was funny.
Just wanted to chime in and say there is nothing wrong with it and I am hoping no one in your life makes you feel that way. I love my son, I will TTC another but people who have no kids are lucky. Oh will I ever know what disposible income is? lol! And I don't think just because you don't want kids means you don't have maternal instincts. My friends who don't want kids are great aunts and uncles. And even though I HAVE a child and wanted kids there are some people/couples who I say " You do NOT need to raise more kids" hence I feel your dissapointment with some couples having more kids.
I don't think it's wrong at all not to want to have kids. It's just one of those things that isn't for everyone.
For a long time, I even thought I didn't want them. I have sinced changed my mind and have a bad case of Baby Fever, but it doesn't bother me that anyone else feels they don't want children of their own.
I love kids. I also don't want any for quite some time (5+ years) if at all. People make the assumption that I don't like children just because I don't want any now, they also assume I am selfish. I understand the stigma behind not wanting children.
My MOH recently told me she is going to start trying for her second child (first with her new DH). At first I was really upset, now I have just accepted the idea and what comes with. This means that not only do we have to make accomodations for her current child (8 years old) but now we have a baby to worry about. It also concerns me that this pregnancy may get in the way of her MOH duties, which we discussed.
You are certainly not alone. I feel very apathetic toward the idea of having a child, which makes me think I'd be much better off not being a mother. I realize I *may* change my mind, but at 28 I can't imagine being a mom right now or in the near future.
I teeter on the fence. I have days (weeks) where I totally panic at the thought of kids, and what they will do to my life. Then I have days(truly just days) where I get all mushy and soppy about it and can't wait to feel that connection to a child, and my partner.
6 months ago I was ADAMANT i never wanted kids (raising FI's son has been chaotic enough), but as life improves, it doesn't seem so daunting.
So I can 100% understand where you are coming from, and there is nothing wrong with not having children.
I have a child, and I don't think that there is anything wrong with you being responsible and mature enough to have children. If that is what you want, do what you feel. My issue is with people who really don't want children and have them anyway-it is the children who suffer. Live your life for you and not for what society says you should/not do. 
@nickie362: I have a child, and I don't think that there is anything wrong with you being responsible and mature enough to have children.
Most of the women posting here that don't want children are probably responsible and mature enough to have children as well. One does not negate the other.
I also can't stand that so many pastors and preists imply that the couple should go forth and multiply as soon as they say "I do". I feel like they are implying that the sole reason to marry is to start a family. For me, my family will be me, my future husband and our two cats. My marriage is no less important than that of someone who wants kids.
You are SO not alone. My SO and I have both agreed that we enjoy our life too much as it is, and aren't in the least bit interested in having children. We don't feel any guilt. We both know we wouldn't make the best of parents so it's the only fair/honest way to go. Our families are supportive, so that makes it easy.
Enjoy not having kids! Travel; do whatever makes you happy. DON'T feel guilty.
I have never wanted kids and never felt bad about it, although people and society at large sure have tried to make me feel bad. Even teachers and people I looked up to condescended to me. "You'll change your mind" or "It's different when its your own!" Depending on how much of a tool the person saying that was, my response was always either "We're having a permanent procedure soon." OR, the less PC, "I have 2 abortion clinics bookmarked who take my insurance."
Children aren't for everyone. I hate them. I used to teach all ages of kids just to make sure I hated them. All the other instructors would pick out favorites, comment on the adorable 4 year old who did whatever. I cared so little I couldn't even pretend.
I don't want kids.
I don't like them. I enjoy my freedom, I like my body the way it is. Maybe one day I WILL change my mind, but it's not likely. Kids just don't fit into my plans. Different strokes for different folks, I say.
I do NOT think it makes me a bad person. I do all I can to be the best person I can be. I volunteer at shelters, I let people stay with me for free and feed/clothe them, etc. So don't think because you're not popping out babies you're a bad person.
If anything, I'm doing the world a favor, as overpopulated as it is, lol.
Def, not selfish. It would be completely foolish of you to have children when you don't feel like it. Alot of people have children without even thinking about whether or not that's what they REALLY want, just do it because it's excpected or "the next step". You would be a bad person if you knew you didn't want kids and had them anyway (your relationahsip with those children could be affected).
Anyone who would make you feel bad about your decision probably just wished that they had thought twice about whether or not they wanted kids. They could just be jealous of the fact that you have "balls" to do what's right for you!
I know how you feel because For about 10 years I was adamant about my decision to not have children. I was in an 11 year relationship and was getting pressured from EVERYONE! Eventually, he and I broke up after 11 years and I'm so glad that we didn't have kids not only because I didn't want them, but especially because even if I did want kids I would want to be able to provide them with the stability they deserve!
To my surprise, when I got involved with my now FI, I realized that it wasn't that I didn't want kids, it was that I didn't want kids with my EX! I was shocked! I had no idea! As soon as my FI and I got re-acquaimted (been friends since 7th grade), he made me want to start a family with him.
My feelings changed, however, I'm so glad I supported my decision during all those years!
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Recently I've felt a couple of things:
1. A totally void, almost disappointment-like feeling at the news that friends are pregnant/trying to conceive
2. I really don't think I want kids.
Are there bees out there who know that they don't want kids? Do you think this makes you a bad person? Do you think you're sacraficing something in life by not having children? I try and try to feel something other than complete disdain and disinterest in having kids, being around kids, talking about kids and babies, etc. But I can't seem to bring myself to feel anything other than apathetic about it. I constantly think "I really just don't want that life". Sometimes I feel okay with it, sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes embarrassed. I rarely tell people this because it's never met with understanding...always shock and near disgust. I know people think it's selfish...but is it selfish to not have a child because I know I don't necessarily want one?
Sometimes I hope this changes as FI and I get older, but when I REALLY ask myself right now...I really can say I would be totally fine with not having kids.
Does anyone else feel this way? Do you feel like you're losing your friends? I feel so sad almost when I hear that friends are pregnant, because I know it means things won't be the same with our friendship, etc. I nkow that sounds selfish. I just need to get this out!! I also worry that we'll be outcasts in our 30s and 40s if we dn't have kids because most people will.
Ugh...just need to get this out there.