- 5 years ago
Well, first of all thanks for reading me, as my post won’t be short.
It’s been a while since I have been having second thoughts about marrying Mr. Was So Perfect (28 y/o).
It all began some months ago, when he almost ( I believed nothing happened) cheated on me. As I was away one month, due to my job.
Soon afterwards, we made the decision of moving to another city, because we liked it more and we both would earn more money (we had a year living together by that time). We had even chosen the house WE were going to buy and so on.
Then a few later, he took his parents with him, as he is the only child and they are not longer young (above 65 years). That was just fine, as I thought it was so sweet from him. First alarm was set on when he decided to buy them a house and changed his mind on the one we were going to. Suddenly, he chose by himself (with the help of his mom) another one, cheaper and that he could buy with a credit of his own. We did have something like and argument but I decided I was making a big deal out of nothing.
I couldn’t move yet because of my job (my transfer wasn’t ready) but his parents were kind of stablished. I was a little jealous because I felt he had cared not for our dream but easied myself thinking it was better for him not being alone (and again, so sweet of him looking after his parents).
The sad part of the story started some weeks ago, because for health reasons his father passed out. He was devastated and I did help him and his mother to deal with some of the arrangements.
Soon after that he told me he was definitively taking his mom with him. I was OK with that, I mean he cannot leave her alone in these times. And I did encourage him to do it.
However, a few days ago he stated that her mother was going to live in our house, in the bedroom in front of ours; not in the house he bought them (which is only 3 blocks away). I was OK because again, these are the hard times and they need to support each other. The second alarm rang when he said that it was a permanent situation. She would never use the other house unless the three of us did it (is better because the house he bought is one-story).
I haven’t said or decided anything yet, just that I wasn’t sure it was going to work out as smoothly as he thought. Why? Because I am pretty sure he will never give me my place. He started saying that it was better, having his mom cooking and taking care uf us, etc.
Sound great, right? Not for me, maybe I’m too selfish, but I believed that if we were preparing for marriage, the both of us had to start by ourselves.
And he has made it ver clear (yelling) that he will never choose me over his mom; so if he’s to lose me, so sorry. The wors part is that he said this note only in the last weeks but since I remember. He had always said his parents first forever and then me, in second place.
I remember I wasn’t comfortable with that and it even hurt. Again I thought it was just me being selfish.
I am really afraid, I don’t think he will ever think of us as HIS family. He told me once that when we had children they would always come before me. Am I really such a bad person for wanting to be first, sometime if any?
Adding to my mood, lately he has no time to talk over the phone or skype or come visit. He has always something else to do and claims that 20 mins or 40 top should be enough even when we see just for twice a month.
Ah, and not even talk about sex, I think that for some months now, he is not even interested. He just wants to have it when he wants, when I try to put him in the mood somehow we end in an argument.
Please, any piece of advice? I feel that I’m still on time to run away, then i think I am being too selfish.
Do you think he even cares for my feelings?