Post # 1
Ok, so we have a spare room which we rent to my daughter’s friend. She has been having problems paying the rent and does not work or even go to school. She eats all our food because she cant afford to buy her own. We gave her 3 months notice because we are pregnant and need the spare room.
I feel bad because she could possible be moving out with no money or job. She does nothing and I have to ask her to help around the house since she is the one that is always home. We simply cant afford to take care of an adult who doesnt even have a will to better her future. She is 19 years old.
Am I a bad person for giving her notice, knowing she has no job or anything? I feel guilty. 🙁
Post # 3
Nope. Not a bad person. She just needs to be an adult.
Post # 4
@Mrs.Jansen: It’s her fault she doesn’t have a job! Three months is MORE than enough time for her to find a job and even save a little money!
Post # 6
Nope you are a saint to let her live there rent free and giving her 3 months is more than enough time to get a job. She needs to grow up and get a job and take care of herself!
Also congrats on the upcoming little one!
Post # 7
@Mrs.Jansen: Don’t feel guilty. You were doing her a favor by letting her live in your home for pretty much nothing. Now the time comes where you are having another child and you need to make room, therefore changes have to be made! She is 19 years old and should be out looking for a job anyway if not in school. Sacrifices have to be made. You’ve helped her out enough. She has to try and take some responsibility because you have to do what you have to do especially since you are going to be having a newborn.
Post # 8
QUITE THE CONTRARY…you are a completely amazing, selfless person for opening your home to her in the first place. She is 19, and unless disabled, or whatever has the capability to get a job – even if it is fast food, or whatever. And who knows, maybe she has spent her time there scouring for a job, etc, but that is not on you guys, only her.
On top of that, you are giving her 3 more months of absolutely FREE living to work something out?! What an incredible gift 🙂
Seriously…pat yourself on your back. She is an adult, and has to figure it out, while you prepare that room for your innocent newborn, whom absolutely needs 100% nurturing, love and a roof over his/her head!
Post # 9
No, you’re not a bad person. You’re a saint for letting a deadbeat 19 year old take advantage of your and your husband’s generosity for so long!
Post # 10
Nope! Actually, this could very well be the best thing for her.
Post # 11
@EffieTrinket: Her dad passed many years ago and her mom actually kicked her out when she was 18. That is why she is living with us.
I bothers me that she has the energy to party and be out but not to find a job. She sleeps all day and I just cant take it anymore. My daughter works, goes to school and helps me with my youngest.
This girl does nothing all day and I simply cant support her too. My DH asked me to give her notice much sooner but I feel that at least with three months, she can figure something out.
Post # 12
No, kick her out. She needs that push to get her motivated. You have more imortant things in your life right now than worrying about her.
Post # 13
Nope! As far as I’m concerned, you’re an amazing person for taking her in and basically paying for her basic expenses. She should move home with her parents.
Post # 14
@Mrs.Jansen: you will be helping her. Right now she does not have to live as adult thanks to your kindness. Maybe you can help her prepare over these next 3 months. Even if she’s annoying you don’t want to her to fail!
Post # 15
You’re not a bad person for admitting you don’t have the space or the finances to support another adult in your home.
Based on this thread and a really similar one here (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/renting-to-a-friend-ventfrustrated) I’d like to say that whenever you take an adult friend into your home, you should do so as a gift, and expect that they won’t pay rent, clean house, buy groceries or any of it. Assume you’re giving them an open-ended free vacation. Hopefully they will prove you wrong, but too many times that’s exactly what you get.
If you go into things fully accepting that you’re gifting them a free place to live and all the food/housekeeping/car rides/etc then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when they give you rent money or stock the fridge. And if you’re not in a position to have someone under your feet indefinitely, then you shouldn’t make the offer. It’s just like how you should never lend money to friends; if a friend needs money, consider it a gift, and be delighted when they pay you back, but know when you hand that money over, there’s a very good chance you will never see it again.
Post # 16
@jjmomma: I agree!
Thank you ladies and what bothers me is that she shows up with a new phone. We use to buy her food to when we would bring take out but it just got to expensive. When I make dinner I offer but now I ask her to help with the dishes because she would eat and leave to her room.
I hope she finds her way in this world and does something with herself. As a mother I could not see myself kicking my daughter out but I could almost see why her mother didnt want her there. She really does not have consideration for anyone else. I guess it must be the age.