Weddingbee boards

As someone whose 4 years-younger sister got engaged a year before I did, I understand the feeling of being a bit put out by this sort of thing :) We are planning to TTC next year, my sister isn't for another few years as far as I know, and while I'd probably be ok with TTC at the same time, deep down I'd probably want to be first as the eldest :) I'm the eldest grandchild on my dad's side of the family and always assumed I'd have the first great grandchild, but my cousin recently announced his girlfriend is pregnant. I'm really happy for them and would probably be more upset if we were TTC, but DH did say "oh this means we won't be first" :) There is just something about being first! So I don't think it's too silly.

What would be silly would be rushing into anything you're not ready for. A friend of mine has a sister 6 years older than her who appears to be competing and it's really bugging my friend. My friend got pregnant (long time coming, fertility problems, finally happened) to her husband of 4 years last year. 6 months later, her older sister is pregnant to her boyfriend of less than a year (they got married before the baby was born). Now both babies are born, and both sisters are TTC again. Older sister has fallen, my friend hasn't (possible fertility problems again). Not many women TTC with a 2 month old and my friend can't help thinking her sister is trying to compete somehow, rather than making decisions that are best for her family. Argh. So yes, it's ok to feel put out but try to be excited by the idea of sharing pregnancy woes with your sister, and your children growing up together, rather than how you want to be first :) 

Totally okay to feel that way.  Not okay to blame your sister for it.  :)

On Valentines day my irresponsible brother informs my family that his gf is preggers. I was so upset because I thought I would be the first to give my parents a grandchild, also he's immature, lives at home (moving out soon) and the girl already has 2 kids by another guy. Anyway I understand how you feel and believe me it will pass. I now look forward more to being an awesome aunt and loving that baby more than anything, just the initial "you mean i won't be the first" shock had to wear off...and all the other drama lol.

I think it's totally normal to feel that way. DH and I were only dating for 6 months when he proposed (although we had dated before a few years prior). DH's brothe is 6 years younger, but had been dating his gf since 10th grade (about 6-7 years). Unknowingly, DH proposed to me right as his bro was going to propose to his gf. We didn't feel too bad, since DH is the older brother and thankfully we are all very close. But when it comes to babies, I want us to have one before they do. They aren't trying just yet, but will be within the next year, so I hope that we get lucky as we are TTC now.

I think it's natural to feel that way, and as long as you don't go into super bi%$ mode if she does get preggers first, then you're all good.  I have a SIL that told all her siblings (and their spouses) that no one could get pregnant before her because she was the oldest and had been trying the longest.  Well, she's only 9 months older than I am and I'm 28.  I was told at 16 to have kids as soon as I could (obviously once I was an adult) because my endo could prevent me from having kids.  The doc said ideally, I should start trying when I was 22, well, that was 6 years ago.  So, you can see how nature is working against me.  When I heard the SIL say that I was like, "Oh HELL NO."  If she thought I was going to risk having my own child just so she could be the 1st, she had one thing coming to her.  As if would have it, she did have the first kid so it's no big deal.  But had I, or any other of the family members gotten pregnant first, and she got mad at us, there would have been a serious attitude adjustment on her part. 

I dont think you are a **bee** but I wouldn't say this outloud, lol.

my girlfriend and her sister got preggers around the same time and they loved it, it was easy for them to lean on each other and now they walk their babies together and go to birthday parties together. they really enjoy it

@sarahsd: I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from & I don't even have siblings!  I'm an only child, so I'm probably MORE competitive (& possibly more spoiled) than most oldest siblings (or oldest females)...I don't LIKE to share ANYTHING (of course, I will be gracious when sharing; I'm immature, but not impolite  ).

My husband is the older of two brothers...even though we'd been dating for years before his younger bro & SIL, they got engaged & married first.  I wasn't bummed for them...they are FANTASTIC people & I wanted & wished only the best for them (& continue to do so).  I wasn't bummed b/c we weren't getting married (at the time, neither of us believed in the institution of marriage & planned to spend our lives together, but unmarried), but I WAS bummed to be answering all the "are you okay with this?" and "gosh, you aren't mad at (little bro), are you?" questions.  When, three years later & before Mr. & I were engaged, my BIL & SIL got pregnant, I WAS a leeetle jealous.  Mr. is the oldest grandchild, and in a Chinese family, being the oldest grandchild, especially a grandSON, is a REALLY big deal.  I was bummed that I wouldn't be able to give our future kids that status (being the oldest granddaughter...and favorite...on my dad's side, as well as an only child I know how special it is to be favored).  I can't tell you how relieved I was that SIL would be giving them a grandDAUGHTER...a fact that I kept totally to myself (not even Mr. knows I had this thought) b/c I realize how selfish & immature a thought it is.  Of course, my niece is the ABSOLUTE cutest little girl & completely ADORABLE (see attached pic).  Her grandparents (especially her grandpa) TOTALLY dote on her, deservedly so.  Now that we're pregnant, I'm hoping (but suspect that it will not be so) that we're growing a boy (both b/c I'd like a boy, & for the traditional Chinese symbolism)...b/c I'm that immature & competitive.  My spiritual, growing maturity, maternal side hopes only for a healthy, full-term baby...but that competitive, immature, only child who doesn't like sharing glory or favoritism is still ridiculously hoping for a boy.  Ream me out if you like, but I'm only going to mature at my own pace...plus, studies show that when one bottles up these feelings, one will never outgrow them.  OP, you are NOT ALONE.