(Closed) Am I a Bit*@ for wanting to have a baby before my younger sister?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i dont think you are being selfish! just think… it might be fun to be able to lean on one another for support if you are both preggers:)

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

As someone whose 4 years-younger sister got engaged a year before I did, I understand the feeling of being a bit put out by this sort of thing πŸ™‚ We are planning to TTC next year, my sister isn’t for another few years as far as I know, and while I’d probably be ok with TTC at the same time, deep down I’d probably want to be first as the eldest πŸ™‚ I’m the eldest grandchild on my dad’s side of the family and always assumed I’d have the first great grandchild, but my cousin recently announced his girlfriend is pregnant. I’m really happy for them and would probably be more upset if we were TTC, but DH did say “oh this means we won’t be first” πŸ™‚ There is just something about being first! So I don’t think it’s too silly.

What would be silly would be rushing into anything you’re not ready for. A friend of mine has a sister 6 years older than her who appears to be competing and it’s really bugging my friend. My friend got pregnant (long time coming, fertility problems, finally happened) to her husband of 4 years last year. 6 months later, her older sister is pregnant to her boyfriend of less than a year (they got married before the baby was born). Now both babies are born, and both sisters are TTC again. Older sister has fallen, my friend hasn’t (possible fertility problems again). Not many women TTC with a 2 month old and my friend can’t help thinking her sister is trying to compete somehow, rather than making decisions that are best for her family. Argh. So yes, it’s ok to feel put out but try to be excited by the idea of sharing pregnancy woes with your sister, and your children growing up together, rather than how you want to be first πŸ™‚ 

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Totally okay to feel that way.  Not okay to blame your sister for it.  πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think being a little jealous is understandable. We knew we would start TTC as soon as we got married but leading up to the wedding I would get jealous of every pregnant woman that I saw. As long as you deal with it gracefully then its alright. 

 

Post # 8
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like there isn’t much you can do. 

I think the time that you are TTC, the 9 months pregnant, and then the first year or so will be the toughest.  After that, you will be so wrapped up in your child and your own world it won’t really matter any more. 

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Instead of being jealous and thinking of it as a competition, you can take advantage of the timing by being there for each other. Plus, it will make your life about a thousand times better if you both have children around the same time, they can be each others playmates giving you each time off to run errands, etc. But I don’t think it’s wrong for you to feel jealous if she gets pregnant first, those are just natural human emotions.

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

On Valentines day my irresponsible brother informs my family that his gf is preggers. I was so upset because I thought I would be the first to give my parents a grandchild, also he’s immature, lives at home (moving out soon) and the girl already has 2 kids by another guy. Anyway I understand how you feel and believe me it will pass. I now look forward more to being an awesome aunt and loving that baby more than anything, just the initial “you mean i won’t be the first” shock had to wear off…and all the other drama lol.

Post # 11
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have a brother (no sisters) but would probably feel the same way.  He and his wife are trying to conceive now (I’m about 3 months along).  So if she gets pregnant while I am, I know all the attention will be on her since I’m less of a spotlight kinda girl.  It’s been nice to have a little time where I’m the only one pregnant (even though not everyone was excited as I hoped they would be when we told them the news).  But on the other hand, it would be nice to experience this with someone else at the same time. 

Post # 12
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think it’s totally normal to feel that way. DH and I were only dating for 6 months when he proposed (although we had dated before a few years prior). DH’s brothe is 6 years younger, but had been dating his gf since 10th grade (about 6-7 years). Unknowingly, DH proposed to me right as his bro was going to propose to his gf. We didn’t feel too bad, since DH is the older brother and thankfully we are all very close. But when it comes to babies, I want us to have one before they do. They aren’t trying just yet, but will be within the next year, so I hope that we get lucky as we are TTC now.

Post # 13
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I completely understand, it’s just a matter of trying not to let it effect your relationship with your sister…Hopefully you’ll get preggy first but if not, at least you guys can be pregnant together…Good luck TTC!

Post # 14
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I think this is normal, but I’d do whatever you can to let go of these feelings before TTC.  TTC/pregnancy is stressful enough as is.

I can sort of relate to your situation, except I didn’t know SIL was TTC.  They are younger but got married first.  They started trying before we did, but we got pregnant first.  So, we are both due near the same time.  Honestly, it has its pros and cons.  I’m not sure you want to hear the cons, but here is a pros list:

you have someone to talk about pregnancy symptoms, etc

you don’t feel like you are “missing out” at get togethers, bc they are pregnancy friendly usually

the cousins will hopefully be close

built in babysitter, and family houses will have baby gear, making it easier to pop in for visits w/o packing your whole house

in our case, MIL will be able to “nanny share” for both of our kids…many reasons why this is a PRO!

Post # 15
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

My sisters (both younger) both had babies before me.  The youngest (11 years younger than me) has a 5 year old… so I was really late compared to them!

In the end, you have to be assured that you are following the path that’s right for you and try to remember that the kid decision is way more important than who gets there first.  I would have been a lousy mom if I had kids before my sisters… so I’m super glad that I’m “last”, for the sake of my child!

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think it’s natural to feel that way, and as long as you don’t go into super bi%$ mode if she does get preggers first, then you’re all good.  I have a SIL that told all her siblings (and their spouses) that no one could get pregnant before her because she was the oldest and had been trying the longest.  Well, she’s only 9 months older than I am and I’m 28.  I was told at 16 to have kids as soon as I could (obviously once I was an adult) because my endo could prevent me from having kids.  The doc said ideally, I should start trying when I was 22, well, that was 6 years ago.  So, you can see how nature is working against me.  When I heard the SIL say that I was like, “Oh HELL NO.”  If she thought I was going to risk having my own child just so she could be the 1st, she had one thing coming to her.  As if would have it, she did have the first kid so it’s no big deal.  But had I, or any other of the family members gotten pregnant first, and she got mad at us, there would have been a serious attitude adjustment on her part. 

The topic ‘Am I a Bit*@ for wanting to have a baby before my younger sister?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors