Am I a complete and utter jerk?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d be upset too.

Post # 4
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your feelings are totally reasonable (in my opinion). My DH and I struggle to get by and we hear of those living off the system buying new cars, going on vacation etc. My ex hasn’t even paid taxes in three years (he is self employed) and is currently driving around in a new Chrystler 300. I also know a few people who have disability that don’t need it while a friend of mine really needs it yet can’t get it. 

It is totally infuriating. The key here is these are feelings you keep to yourself or talk to those in the same position. Don’t confront your SIL. Her financial situation is not your business.

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Aquaria:  There are plenty of cases like that. The middle class supports everyone and people get benefits off of their backs constantly. It’s almost like it doesn’t pay to be a contributing member of society sometimes. I would be annoyed too because I hate people like that. I have friends who are planning to have a baby and live off the system. I am no longer speaking to them as I don’t want to associate with people like that.

Since this is your family, I suppose there is not much you can do unless you’re willing to cut her off. At least you won’t have to hear about her windfalls.

Post # 6
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would feel resentful too. Depending on what her felony was for, many employers will not hire felons (I’m assuming that’s why she’s going back to school). I would try to take pride in the fact that you do not have to deal with a felony, and that you earned your degree honestly.

Post # 7
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d also be pissed. I look at FI and I, doing our best to save to move out on our own before the wedding and afford a future baby. Then look at friends who get government assistance, yet still manage to get pregnant. Like, the poorer you are, the more kids you have? I don’t get it.

Post # 9
Member
1421 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Just an honest question . . . How are people supposed to better themselves and not “live off the system” without an education that makes possible gainful employment?  It’s not like working at Mickey D’s will pay for tuition on top of living expenses . . .

Post # 10
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

@Aquaria:  honestly how cn u b jealous of a felon trying to better themselves. So what she gets money for the govt, how is she supposed to live? It’s hard for ppl with degrees to get a job let alone felons! I think u should be proud of your accomplishments not put down someone else. Money from the govt really isnt much, its nt like she is living in luxury. I do think its sort of unfair the way ppl view topics like this but it is what it is

@bluegreenjean:  +100

 

Post # 11
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Firstly, you admitted yourself that you do not know where her tuition money is coming from. It could be family, it could be savings, it could be subsidized or unsubsidized loans, or even private loans.

I do not see the reason for being angry with someone going back to school, regardless of government assistance (most students receive financial help from the government in one way or another – me included). Even if you think she is getting help that she doesn’t “deserve” – couldn’t this be her taking the steps to better herself? Why go through the trouble of school if she’s not going to use it to get a good job? So basically, why are you mad at her for finally getting off her butt to pursue an honest career? Because she is a felon, do you think she should be forced to work minimum wage forever as punishment or something?

Post # 12
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think grants to help people get an education and get out of the system is exactly what that tax money should be doing.

I understand being frustrated that you’ve worked hard and have debt etc and it seems like she has it “easier”….but do you really want to be a convicted felon living off the system?

Post # 14
Member
1421 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Aquaria:  But, it sounded like you were upset she was getting off the couch and going to school.  School is work. 

I know it can be frustrating to have lots of student loans to pay off.  But making it harder or getting upset that other people are getting an education without having to pay for it (this is also the case for rich kids, too) won’t make them go away.  Maybe we should be working together to make college more affordable for everyone, rather than turning on each other and getting upset. 

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