- 8 years ago
I’m sorry you have been sort of down. It sounds like you have had a lot of bad things going on with the car accident and gaining weight and that can definitely make you feel down. Also, I understand your Fiance not being interested in the wedding at all, my husband was a just show up person too which made things difficult sometimes. I think that once you have some time to work on some of the stress, you might feel better. Or honestly, you might never love the planning but you will love your wedding. I never really liked planning much myself.
I’m so sorry that there is so much turmoil all around and that you are feeling sad! First and foremost, I would suggest talking to someone about how you are feeling, especially if you have a history of depression as you said. Second, keep your eye on the prize and remember why you are planning a wedding and the true spirit of what that day is about. Despite everyone’s individual problems during the planning stages, most people pull it together and are genuinely happy and excited for you on your wedding day.
And heck, if you want to do what your Maid/Matron of Honor is suggesting and elope – just do it! Because all the things you said about your wedding day will still be true whether you do something small and simple or something big and fancy. It’s about being married and making that commitment, not all the extras that go with it.
I hope you find some joy in this time! Remember we are all here for you!
You and your close family and friends have had quite a year! But think of it this way – your wedding can be a bright spot in an otherwise dismal year. If you’re able to, get out and walk a bit to keep your body moving and get some fresh air. I think you’ll feel better soon. I hope though that if you share this with your fi that he plays a bigger role in planning, if only to support you emotionally. Some guys just don’t seem to be into planning. If you find that after a while, you really aren’t interested in planning, maybe consider eloping! If we hadn’t had a Destination Wedding.. I think we would have considered this.
ETA – I wasn’t really interested in planning many of the details of our Destination Wedding, though it was wonderful. Stuff i knew we didn’t care about, i simply let go. Flowers? I let the florist put them together and wrote a check. Do what feels right for you.
I don’t really want to elope. I want a wedding and when I think about it (and none of the bad things) I’m super thrilled and excited. When I talk to people at work or who aren’t super close, I’m excited. But when it comes to my friends and family, the people I should be excited to share this with (and let’s face it, they are probably the only ones who care) I feel like I’m not getting the positive reinforcement and excitement back from them and it makes me sad.
It’s like everyone lives are so chaotic and upset around me that no one cares or is capable of being happy for us.
My parents are in an awful financial situation and would be unable to attend a destination wedding. Although my mom is sad right now, I still can’t imagine getting married without her there. So the idea of doing a smaller, lesser planned wedding doesn’t work for us. 🙁
If you had written that absent the paragraph on knowing that you will love your wedding I too would be advising you to elope. Having a large wedding is not always the best option for a couple and their circumstances and not always the happiest. I also think planning a big(ish) wedding when only one part of the couple wants it is a tricky decision – it can work but I think it is stressful.
But if having the wedding is important to you and you know that you will be happy you had it, stick it out! Plenty of people don’t love the planning part. Try to consiously manage your time – do not discuss the wedding with people who make you sad, cocoon yourself with things that make you feel good. (Maybe have a talk with Fiance about how if he did X Y Z he would be helping you so much and would make you so happy.)
Also, sometimes, when someone else’s pain is having a negative effect on your own mental health you have to distance yourself. It’s very difficult when you love them more than anything, like a mom, and it is not their fault, but it is so important to protect yourself. I’ve taken my fair share of crying phone calls and most of the time that’s fine and good and supportive – but if you yourself are flirting with depression you’ve got to prioritize your own health. Space out those phone calls. You can’t take care of anyone else if you yourself are not in a good place.
I’d take a couple of months of not discussing it with friends and family. After that break they will be curious and might be in a better emotional place themselves and you will have had a break from non enthusiastic responses. Come to the weddingbee! Talk to us!
@arachna – I appreciate your comments. While I agree that it would be good to not discuss it with those who are bring ing me ‘down’ it’s my BEST FRIEND and my MOM. The two most important women in my life, the ones I spent my entire childhood dreaming about this with. And now that it’s here, no one is able to give it attention or excitement… 🙁
What makes me question my possible depression is that I’m not that happy about anything in life, wedding or otherwise. My fiance has even noticed it and I don’t know what to do other than call the doc.
I understand and it is undeniably sad and hurtful and it sucks. But they can’t give you what you would like. And with a wedding in October there is a very good chance they will be able to give it to you later. I think there is a greater likelihood of this and of sparing yourself constant disapointment if you mentally decide (set in stone) that for a couple of months yet this is just not a topic of conversation with certain people.
So I’m suggesting that cutting out a source of stress will let you have energy to focus on other things that will bring you joy. Like planning online or with other friends or non wedding related activities. This seems like a really difficult period in your life and it is perfectly understandable that it is making you sad but I’m a big believer in taking proactive steps to make yourself contect and happy. Decide what you need and get it.
Of course, this kind of thing varies so much from person to person that my advice is probably not applicable to anyone except myself. My sympathy in any case.
@christa – does your insurance cover therapy/counseling? Either your health insurance or your auto insurance. As a direct result of your auto accident, you’re suffering.. I have had few counseling experiences, but they’ve been very beneficial. You will soon be healthier, inside and out, with time and treatment. I second Arachna’s sentiments.. and we are here for you, if you stay around the bee!
Yes, it does. I’ve been through counseling before and it has been very beneficial. I’d gladly go back but the fact that I already feel so overwhelmed makes me feel like trying to make yet ANOTHER appointment fit into my week is not helping. I recently droppe dmy college enrollment in hopes that things owuld be better – they ARE coniderably but still not as much as I need. I spoke to my attorney for th accident earlier today (I know her quite well) and she would like me to go seek out some assistance.
Thanks guys, this is really helping jsut being able to talk to someoen about things. It is almsot liek the people I would usually seek out are incapable of helping me out right now and I’m feeling lost.
You mentioned you got engaged a little less than three months ago (around christmas, right?) To be honest, when I was at your stage of engagement (three months into it), I felt super overwhelmed by everything wedding; I knew I wanted a biggish wedding with all the accompanying stuff, but it just felt daunting to get there. It was also strange because I’ve never been a “dreaming of my wedding!” type of girl, but I definitely am type A/planner, so when I would try to talk to family about it they would say “you are OBSESSED with this WEDDING!!!” which was so frustrating because I’m like “no, it’s just that there is SO MUCH to do!!!” It seems like there’s been a lot of extra sad stuff happening to you on top of all that so I can’t imagine… I know you were in a car accident recently, but is it possible for you to do any type of exercise? Working out at the end of the day really helped me get all my stress out and it’s been shown to help depression – not to mention it’ll help get you in shape! Best wishes
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Planning a wedding is stressful enough on it’s own, without the additional pressures from our daily lives. What you’re going through, and what you’re surrounded with seems like a heavy burden. Just hang in there and stay strong! If what you truly want is to have this wedding, then don’t listen to anyone else who is suggesting that you elope. If the planning has been too stressful for you and no one seems to be supportive or helpful, maybe keep things simple so it’s easier to plan. Not everyone enjoys the planning process. Personally, I hate planning my wedding, but I know it will all be worth it on the day of. I’m just keeping mine simple, to lessen the stress. Take care!
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this right now. Agree with other bees that prioritizing your mental health might be the wisest approach. Does your school have a behavioral health center or counsellor on staff?
I think posts about friends and family who aren’t interested in the wedding are one of the most common topics here on Weddingbee. It’s also very common to feel overwhelmed by the planning early on. You are definitely not alone!
Girls grow up dreaming of weddings and engagements. We are socialized to think that this time will be a magical period of floating around in a cloud of happiness and attention. But that’s just not true. The engagement is usually a complex and stressful time – how could it not be if we’re struggling with budgets, trying to find time to plan, and reconciling a ton of different opinions, all the while being presented with photos of picture perfect weddings that we feel pressured to replicate. So stress is okay – just put things into perspective and remember that the wedding is just one of many elements of your life, and it’s really not that important.If you get overwhelmed, take breaks from the planning.
Regarding the involvement of your loved ones, I think many brides struggle with the fact that no one (yes, not even their closest friends and relatives) cares about their wedding as much as they do. Of course, every family is different, and some mothers are very involved (then the bride might complain that her mom is trying to dominate the wedding). So the grass is always greener on the other side! However, it is possible to be satisfied with your planning process without ANY involvement from family and friends – as long as you and Fiance are excited and not expecting anything from anyone, it’s ok.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on depression, so maybe that is making your situation more difficult. But I do think that the wedding issues alone should not stress you out too much – it comes with the territory of planning a wedding, so don’t worry about it.
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