Post # 1
So, one of my friends and bridesmaids just got engaged. I’m happy for her, no doubt…she’s been waiting forever for a proposal, but I can’t help but wonder (selfishly) “what will this mean for her role as my bridesmaid?” Is this normal and does this make me horrible, selfish, and conceited? No doubt, I feel bad for having these thoughts.
Another horrible thought…I love my fiance, and I love my engagment ring. He paid a lot of money for it. But I can’t help but feel the little green monster creep up inside me when I see girls who have larger diamonds than me. Ugh, isn’t that so despicable?!
Does anyone else have these issues? Am I bad person, or is this normal?
Post # 3
I think it can be normal what you are feeling, I woudl sit down and talk to your Bridesmaid or Best Man about both weddings, and your roles in both, just to get it out there.
I don’t get the envious feeling of people with bigger diamonds than me though. I have tiny hands and long skinny fingers, a rock would look really weird on my hand. I have a 3 stone ring, and hubs took a lot of time picking it out to make sure it would look good on my hand. He even went through all the sales girls to find one that had a similar hand structure to me, and had her try on all the ones he liked!!! It was kinda cool, because when I went in for resizing, she was there, and I got to tell her the whole story of how he proposed, and she told me of all the rings he looked at and the stories he told her about us 🙂
Post # 4
I think it’s pretty natural that people often are envious of what others have. Just focus on what you do have and try and be happy for your friend. 🙂 Think of it this way, now you two can talk about wedding planning together!
Post # 5
This happened to me, too. One of my bridesmaids got engaged during my engagement and actually got married before I did. But you know what? I think that made her even more interested in what was going on with my wedding because she knew everything that I was going through. It was SUCH a special experience to share the engagement and wedding time with such a dear friend. 🙂
Post # 6
I think it’s totally natural to have these feelings, and in NO way makes you a despicable person! The only problem would be if you acted on them, which of course you’re not going to do.
Just remember, there will always be someone with a bigger ring, bigger house, better vacation – it doesn’t mean they have a better life. It’s normal to envy it a little, but try not to dwell on it – focus on what you have that you love!
Post # 7
I think that you need to take a step back and look at the whole picture. You’re more than likely going to have friends who are getting engaged and married at the same time as you since you’re all getting to that age. The year of our wedding, we had 7 besides our own, and I was in 2 of them. My BFF was married 2 weeks before me, and my roommate was married 3 weeks after me. Both had bigger rings, and both of their weddings were very different from my own.
So while those feelings might creep up, squash them and think about how awesome it’s going to be to be able to plan a wedding with one of your good friends. Make sure you’re there for each other, and don’t make it a competition. If she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding, chances are, she might ask you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding. Do you think that she’s thinking about how your wedding will affect you being a BM? Just enjoy the time together and have fun planning with each other!
Post # 8
I think its normal what you are feeling. I say let your rational side take over. She just got engaged so her wedding will maybe be after yours. Hopefull she can still participate in your pre wedding activities. But also if she asks you to be a bridesmaid, you should help her with all of her bridal things and try to attend all of her pre wedding activities. People get married and engaged everyday. Its okay!! Anyways as for the ring its always fun to drool over huge rings or a different cut etc. But whatcha got is watcha got. You love it but its okay to have a little ring candy every once in a while.
Post # 9
@kappasweetiepie: I think it is normal to have those feelings and there is noting wrong with them.
Post # 10
Thanks guys. I’m feeling a little better now. I have to understand that there is no reason to try to compete and that when I was in her position, I wanted her to be just as happy for me as I’m sure she wants me to be for her. It’s not right for it to one-sided. Thanks for helping to remind me of that 🙂
Post # 11
@kappasweetiepie: i dont think you are horrible at all. i had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who got engaged (sort of) and decided to do her wedding the same week as me at my destination wedding. i was excited at first (hence why i agreed to it), but once we got into wedding planning, i started to feel resentful and regretful. and ya, in the end, i know it was not a good thing because i didnt feel like she was there for me as my Bridesmaid or Best Man at all. but at the end of the day, we have been friends for years and i was not about to let our weddings come between it. i had a lot negative feelings throughout the process towards her, but never said anything directly. i maintained in my mind that once our weddings are over, our friendship will be like it was before and it is. there is not much a Bridesmaid or Best Man is supposed to do besides get a dress and be there for you on your day – which my friend did. and i was lucky to have other friends and BMs who were more “into” my wedding and supportive as BMs because they were not busy planning their own weddings. i didn’t need ALL my BMs to constantly support me at every step!! also in the end, we are both happily married.