Post # 1
I always assumed I’d have a very small bridal party. Ideally it would be just my sister who is also my best friend. Maybe 1 or 2 other if my FI wanted a few people.
Now I have 7 bridesmaids. My FI asked 7 guys right away and has begged me to have the same number of maids. The guy is really into symmetry.
Because I’ve always assumed a small bridal party, I also assumed I could cover the cost of dress, hair and makeup for them. It’s a day for me so why should they have to pay for the things I want.
Not only is my bridal party now seven times larger but I’m going back to school so I don’t have as much cash flow as I did before.
I know it is customary for BM’s to pay for their own dresses BUT I can’t help but feel like a jerkface for asking these women to cover costs for the wedding.
They would include a BM dress (72), hair (80) and optional makeup (80) which I get isn’t a crazy amount and yet totally unnecessary except it is my wedding.
Did/does anyone else feel like this, like a total jerk for asking their bridesmaids to pay?
Post # 3
@nocleverbeepun: I wouldn’t feel bad for asking them to pay for the dress, but I don’t think its appropriate to ask them to get their hair and makeup done professionally if you won’t pay for it, so give them the option of doing it themselves.
Post # 4
If youre feeling bad then make the hair optional too and let them wear whatever shoes they want. That should help keep the cost down.
Post # 5
@nocleverbeepun: The price of hair and makeup is kinda crazy. You definitely saved on the dress, but I’d rethink the others.
Post # 6
@nocleverbeepun: $72 is dirt cheap for a BM dress, I would be stoked! $80 is a lot for hair (in my region) I don’t believe in forcing the girls to pay $80 for their hair. I would make it optional. Most will do it if they can afford it or go to a less expensive salon. I’m glad to see you made makeup optional! I would never pay someone to do my makeup lol
Post # 7
I would never think poorly of a bride for asking the BMs to pay for their dress. However, I would make getting their hair done an option and not a requirement.
Post # 8
1) find a cheaper dress: you can find some gorgeous dresses for 60 and under
2) Let them do their own hair
3) let them do their own makeup
I don’t think your a jerk for not being able to afford all of that stuff but I think it is mean to not help and then ask them to pay a LOT of money for those things.
Post # 9
@nocleverbeepun: Is there something else that you can cut (i.e. flowers, accessories, decor, programs, etc)? Or would you be able to let them wear a dress/shoes/jewelry they already own?
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@nocleverbeepun: I am letting my BM chose their dress from a certain company so the fabric, color will match. The dresses are around $100, but since they can chose the style they can chose one they will wear again. My mom owns a hair salon so they are all getting their hair done for free. We are all doing our own make-up.
One of my BM’s is getting married around the same time so we might do a double bachelorette and shouldn’t be too costly at all.
The other two BM’s just have to pay travel and they would be coming anyway so it is not an extra expense.
It is completely normal for them to pay for dresses. If you need them to get their hair professionally done then I think you should pay for it, if it is an option they can chose if they want to DIY or get it professionally done then they can pay.
Post # 11
Why is hair mandatory?
It’s pretty normal for the girls to buy their own dresses, but usually if you are requiring hair/makeup, you pay for that.
I would just let them style their own hair. If they want to pay for hair and makeup that’s great, but if not they can do it themselves.
Post # 12
@nocleverbeepun: I feel like a jerk – I have a small bridal party and I’m paying hair and make-up for the BMs if I get it for myself (but I might DIY) but I feel awful that I can’t pay for them to bring non married/engaged/cohabitating +1s and I feel really guilty asking them to spend ~$100 on a dress on top of their travel expenses.
A word of caution – be considerate but don’t let it get the best of you, most girls expect these costs when they agree to be bridesmaids.
Post # 13
@nocleverbeepun first of all the title of the post made me LOL. Secondly, don’t feel like a jerkface. I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings and had to pay for all of that myself (usually around $150-180 for both). I have never heard of the bride covering the cost of hair and make up until I joined the bee so that is really new to me. Don’t feel like a jerkface, I don’t think any of the brides that I have been in their wedding are jerkfaces haha
Post # 14
The bridesmaid dresses that my girls ended up picking out were much more than I had hoped. I wasn’t planning on paying for their dresses, but felt so bad about the cost. They are wearing cowboy boots so I purchased those, and I will be covering $50 towards their hair and/or makeup if they choose to have it done at the salon.
Don’t feel like a jerkface – those prices are very low 🙂
Post # 15
@nocleverbeepun: I don’t think you are being a jerk, AS LONG AS YOU don’t force them to have anything they can’t have.
I’ve been short on money and was a godmother for my bestfriend. She agreed I could have a seamstress make my dress (it went from 1500 pesos to 150 pesos!), we also could have our make up done wherever we could. My grandma and aunt help me with that.
So, it’s OK if they have to pay. But don’t make them pay more than what they can.
Post # 16
Thank you all for your responses. It’s funny how writing things out can make you think of them in a different way. I’m starting to think that part of the issue is that I need to have a conversation with FI and FMIL. They are lovely, wonderful humans but it is their expectations about the bridesmaids that are putting me in a position to feel bad. The number of maids, that they ‘need’ to have matching dresses and pro hair. I think I need to have a frank conversation that if these are ‘needs’ for the wedding, then they need to be included in the budget.
I’ve been great at finding savings in other areas that I almost feel like I have earned a moment of making demands. My wedding dress came in 1k under budget, we’re doing very few flowers and the ceremony decor will come in under 100. I’ve also found serious savings with the guestbook and other paper goods.