Am I a jerkface? I feel like a jerkface.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@nocleverbeepun:  I wouldn’t feel bad for asking them to pay for the dress, but I don’t think its appropriate to ask them to get their hair and makeup done professionally if you won’t pay for it, so give them the option of doing it themselves.

Post # 4
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If youre feeling bad then make the hair optional too and let them wear whatever shoes they want. That should help keep the cost down. 

Post # 5
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@nocleverbeepun:  The price of hair and makeup is kinda crazy.  You definitely saved on the dress, but I’d rethink the others.

Post # 6
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@nocleverbeepun:  $72 is dirt cheap for a BM dress, I would be stoked! $80 is a lot for hair (in my region) I don’t believe in forcing the girls to pay $80 for their hair. I would make it optional. Most will do it if they can afford it or go to a less expensive salon. I’m glad to see you made makeup optional! I would never pay someone to do my makeup lol

Post # 7
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would never think poorly of a bride for asking the BMs to pay for their dress. However, I would make getting their hair done an option and not a requirement.

Post # 8
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@nocleverbeepun:  Options:

1) find a cheaper dress: you can find some gorgeous dresses for 60 and under

2) Let them do their own hair 

3) let them do their own makeup 

I don’t think your a jerk for not being able to afford all of that stuff but I think it is mean to not help and then ask them to pay a LOT of money for those things. 

Post # 9
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@nocleverbeepun:  Is there something else that you can cut (i.e. flowers, accessories, decor, programs, etc)?  Or would you be able to let them wear a dress/shoes/jewelry they already own? 

Post # 10
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@nocleverbeepun:  I am letting my BM chose their dress from a certain company so the fabric, color will match. The dresses are around $100, but since they can chose the style they can chose one they will wear again. My mom owns a hair salon so they are all getting their hair done for free. We are all doing our own make-up. 

One of my BM’s is getting married around the same time so we might do a double bachelorette and shouldn’t be too costly at all. 

The other two BM’s just have to pay travel and they would be coming anyway so it is not an extra expense. 

It is completely normal for them to pay for dresses. If you need them to get their hair professionally done then I think you should pay for it, if it is an option they can chose if they want to DIY or get it professionally done then they can pay. 

Post # 11
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Why is hair mandatory?

It’s pretty normal for the girls to buy their own dresses, but usually if you are requiring hair/makeup, you pay for that.

I would just let them style their own hair. If they want to pay for hair and makeup that’s great, but if not they can do it themselves.

Post # 12
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@nocleverbeepun:  I feel like a jerk – I have a small bridal party and I’m paying hair and make-up for the BMs if I get it for myself (but I might DIY) but I feel awful that I can’t pay for them to bring non married/engaged/cohabitating +1s and I feel really guilty asking them to spend ~$100 on a dress on top of their travel expenses.

A word of caution – be considerate but don’t let it get the best of you, most girls expect these costs when they agree to be bridesmaids.

Post # 13
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@nocleverbeepun first of all the title of the post made me LOL.  Secondly, don’t feel like a jerkface.  I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings and had to pay for all of that myself (usually around $150-180 for both).  I have never heard of the bride covering the cost of hair and make up until I joined the bee so that is really new to me.  Don’t feel like a jerkface, I don’t think any of the brides that I have been in their wedding are jerkfaces haha

Post # 14
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The bridesmaid dresses that my girls ended up picking out were much more than I had hoped. I wasn’t planning on paying for their dresses, but felt so bad about the cost. They are wearing cowboy boots so I purchased those, and I will be covering $50 towards their hair and/or makeup if they choose to have it done at the salon. 

Don’t feel like a jerkface – those prices are very low 🙂 

Post # 15
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@nocleverbeepun:  I don’t think you are being a jerk, AS LONG AS YOU don’t force them to have anything they can’t have.

I’ve been short on money and was a godmother for my bestfriend. She agreed I could have a seamstress make my dress (it went from 1500 pesos to 150 pesos!), we also could have our make up done wherever we could. My grandma and aunt help me with that.

So, it’s OK if they have to pay. But don’t make them pay more than what they can.

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