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I don't think you're selfish. I got married in Kaua'i last year. Airfare was cheaper and from farther (from Newark NJ). I would call the airline and see if you can get a group rate for air. It's usually 10 people with the same flight for departing and returning. Sometimes they give the host a discount. It doesn't hurt to check with a travel agent either to see how they can help with a group. Don't commit then send an announcement email to gauge the interest. You'd be surprised how many join you for your wedding and use it as a vacation excuse.
We had 28 people join us in Kaua'i most from NJ.
Good luck!
Fares will likely fall as you get closer to the date-- they seem to reach their low point usually somewhere between 3 and 4 months in advance in my experience, with peaks on either side. There are several sites out there that will allow you to track fare trends for destinations and let you get a better idea of when to buy!
I use Yapta.com to track the changes on fares from various airports to our DW and many have dropped over $200 since I started tracking them 4 months ago (we're now 3 months out).
Airfare to Hawaii has actually become really expensive lately. My cousin is changing her DW from Kona to Jamaica because it's going to be about 1/3 of the price for guests to attend.
If you keep it in Hawaii, you might want to consider incorporating some "help" for your close family/attendants into your budget. That way you don't have to feel guilty if Grandma can't afford the trip.
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You aren't selfish and shouldn't feel guilty so long as you don't get upset over guests being unable to attend.
Don't feel bad - essentially, you're asking your friends/fam to come on a vacation with you. If they can't make it, they can't make it... no biggie. That said, if there are a LOT of people who can't be there and you still want to mark the occasion with them, maybe you can have a party when you get back? It can be as simple as having people over to your place for drinks... (Plus, it's another opportunity for you to wear your dress again :-) ).
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THANK LADIES FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
you all confirmed what i was feeling deep down inside. i appreciate your thoughts and now feel as if i can move forward in my planning without looking back. i wil definitely check out yapta.com and research airlines and travel agencies for the best deals. i'll let you know what i come up with...maybe it'll help others in their planning process!
Davndee, I responded to your post on another board, I think.
I totally agree with Miss Purple. It is a vacation for your guests...there just happen to be a wedding happening the same week at the same place. That's how I see it. "If they can't make it, they can't make it...no biggie". Have a backyard BBQ or whatnot when you get back to celebrate with those who couldn't make it. Make sure to provide photo albums so guests can see what they missed.
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I am certainly feeling the same guilt/heartache over airfare to Hawaii. And I live here so it isn't really a destination wedding.
The best advise I have received is to do what feels right for me. And a wedding here is just so right. A friend recently had a destination wedding in Tahoe and she had 60% of her guest list that couldn't attend. But she said she didn't even miss them. She and her now-husband had a perfect day with the people that could be there.
Of course, fingers crossed that the airfare magically drops before my big day!
Airfare to Hawaii has become more expensive. Aloha and ATA shut down. So the other carriers are charging more. In March, as I was finishing our STDs for our DW, the airline craziness started. I was hestitant to continue with our DW, but my fiance and BMs encouraged me to go forward. Hawaii is our ultimate wedding. We appreciate the people who are making a vaca out of it. We are planning on doing a few special things for our guests, ie. a hike, good take home favors, fun OOT bags, and a picnic day.
Check out Hawaiian Airlines Wedding Wings. It used to have a 5% discount for wedding guests but I can't seem to find it or they have removed it.
http://www.hawaiianair.com/Programs/Pages/wed_wings.aspx#
I also talked to off2hawaii.com. There are some pretty good deals if you look into vaca packages. I called for more specific help.
Hang in there, it will all work out:)
You can also try farecast.com It is website that helps you gage when to buy airline tickets and when to wait.
I am struggling with the same thing. We are actually thinking about offering to help immediate family with some of the expenses (some family members need it more than others, but regardless I feel like we should offer to help).
Any suggestions on what is appropriate? Pay for all hotel, flights, a certain $ amount?
Also, I feel so new to all of this, but is anyone offering to pay for the dress attire that people will wear that day, i.e. bride's maid dress, mob, groom's men?
We are looking into travel agents, they should be able to get better deals due to their buying power - will let you know.
If you can accept that not everyone will accept your invitation, you are fine. Do not feel guilty! If you get enough flack for the DW, maybe hire someone locally to put your shindig on a webcam or something and give your fam and friends that couldn't make it the link to watch, so they're still part of the big day!
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Don't feel guilty! People that really want to come will come. If you tell people far enough in advance, it will give those on a tight budget time to save. When we were planning our DW to Grand Cayman, I obsessively checked airline prices and sent emails to everyone I knew was interested to let them know when I found a deal. Prices tend to fluctuate a lot, so don't get discouraged!
Sigh. I am having DW guilt. Only one person has expressed negativity over the location of our wedding. FBIL said flat out that attending our wedding in Hawaii would be "terribly inconvenient" for him. I thought this was extremely rude, especially since FI paid his brother's way through grad school.
FI is paying for FMIL/FFIL, and we will probably end up subsidizing some of the other guests' hotel costs. Also planning on buying my MOH's dress (we're only having one attendant each). Apart from FBIL, those closest to us are pretty financially secure, and seem really happy for us. The wedding is not until next spring, leaving people plenty of time to save if they need to. Still, it's hard not to feel guilty.
BubblyBride, I agree, what he said is rude. It's a given that people won't be able to come to the wedding, that can happen even if the locale isn't a tropical destination! It irritated me when people would make it my problem that they weren't coming to the wedding. If I can't attend someone's wedding because of expenses, I say something polite about us not being able to make it. Telling someone that the location they chose for their one and only wedding day is inconveinent for you, a guest, is just rude! My attitude was like, if you can't make it--fine! We totally understand! But please don't make me feel guilty about where I chose to have my wedding!
Mrs Kitten - I agree! It's a shame that not everyone can come, but it's not a surprise. I've had some flak for my DW too but I just brush it off and try to be as helpful as possible w/ the details that I *can* control. But someone's financial and time situation? That's their business and I don't want to know the gory details, like they probably don't want to know mine!
Sometimes I had DW guilt but I love love love our fabulous wedding in Cancun.
We did not help our guests with any cost (other than covering for the parents), but we did plan a welcome dinner the night before and covered the cost for full day activities the day after the wedding. On top of that I didn't have a bridal shower so that helped our guests save some money too. (more cz my friends live all over the world)
The thing is not being upset when people decline the invitation. Especially since times are hard. Another thing I also learned is trying to not be upset about close friends that have different priority in life (ex. rather spend money to vacation somewhere else or buy an expensive handbag that year instead of coming to the wedding)....
@Kitten - Thanks for the support. It is hard not to take things personally, even when it's just one person being impolite. It's true - people would have to travel for our wedding, regardless of whether it's in a tropical location or not.
@ipodgirl - glad to hear your wedding went well! Good advice re: not being upset when people decline. I think that is going to be my biggest challenge. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everyone I want to be there can come!
Don't feel guilty or like you are being selfish...I am sure that other brides don't think of checking the airfare for every guest that they invite if they do not live in the same state...airfare is just a necessary evil.
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my fiance and i are planning to have a DW in oahu. this is primarily due to the fact that we both have huge extended families and lots of friends and our guest list would be at least 350 people if we end up having it in the bay area. having a wedding away would cut our guestlist in half at the very least.
last night we checked airfare from the bay area to oahu for next year (our wedding will be in june 09) and they were starting at $750!!! we went to hawaii two years ago and our tickets were only $300+!
i know that everything nowadays is much more expensive due to our failing economy, but does anyone feel wierd about asking your guests to pay all that money just to go to hawaii? i know that our intermediate family and close friends will pay any amount of money to be at our wedding, but i just feel so selfish.
anyone other DW brides feeling the same way?
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