- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’m back! I started school in September in addition to my job, so I’ve been a wee bit MIA around the bee. Wedding planning is ramping up, though (June 15th!) so I’m going to be hanging around here a lot more in the coming months!
In the meantime, I’m hoping for some advice. After spending all day talking to my mom and a few friends about this, I remembered how insightful and supportive this site can be. Here goes:
I have this friend who lives in the same city as me. We’ve known each other since middle school and have been close for 20 years now. She had a baby in June.
I offered to throw her baby shower back in February, which she agreed to. She seemed excited and I know I was, so I went ahead with the plans and preparations. Two weeks later she informed me that she’d offered four other friends of hers the opportunity to host as well.The shower would now be taking place at another girls’ apartment because it was more centrally located to her friends.
I told her I was disappointed, hurt, and confused since we had already agreed I’d handle it for her at my place. I told her about a few of my ideas, one of which was creating a onesie station where everyone could paint/write on a blank white onesie for the baby. I said no to the co-hosting arrangement, since five women at the helm of a baby shower sounds pretty intense (also, one of the women she designated to be in charge was also in charge of her bridal shower and is a total type A nightmare.) She then said she understood and was sorry she hurt me, but would I be interested in “manning the onesie station” at the shower still? I declined.
Fast forward a few months. We go to her shower, which is an hour away from my apartment. I mingled with her in laws and friends for about an hour and a half. At no point during the shower did she walk over and say hello. She was very busy, and I left without having a chance to even speak to her.
Next up we have the birth of the baby in June. She traveled for most of the summer so I saw the baby in August. She lives 2.5 hours away round trip on the subway, or an hour round trip in a car (appx $60.) My fiance and I took a car to meet she and her husband at a restaurant by their apartment for dinner. We have a nice dinner and part ways.
Since then we’ve been going back and forth trying to find a time to get together. I am in school 6 days a week and work 4, meaning I’m not home until 11pm on those days.
At one point she said it was feasible for her to meet me half way, 30/40 minutes from both of our apartments. I said great, but she was a bit wishy washy about it and we never got together.
We were supposed to hang out today but had a miscommuncation about where. She thought I was coming to her apt and I thought we were meeting half way. So we didn’t hang out since I had another obligation at 5:00.
Bottom line is this: I don’t have a baby. I know that new motherhood is intense and stressful and all consuming, and I can’t imagine what’s involved in going places with a 7 month old. (Although she’s been all over the country with her baby at this point, visiting various relatives.)
What I do know is that my life right now is more chaotic than it’s ever been. On top of having 14 hour days during the week, I also have one day off per week, and it is almost always full of homework and vet appointments and laundry–and as you all know, WEDDING OBLIGATIONS. (Gah.) But, despite the chaos, I love my friends and I’m trying to make time for them where I can. So, all I hoped for was for both of us to do a little bit of lifting, and meet in the middle. 35 minutes and we could walk around a farmer’s market, sit in a cafe, go to a kids’ bookstore–you name it. I just didn’t want to spend my entire free day on the subway. (A $60 cab ride is out of the question right now financially since I quit my full time job and we are on a wedding savings budget like there’s no tomorrow.)
Today she sent me an email about how it’s impossible to go anywhere with a 7 month old, and leaving her neighborhood is not in the cards because what if the baby gets upset or has a huge poop. She also said that she can’t leave the baby with the dad to come see me because any free time she has needs to be dedicated to creating lesson plans for her students and grading papers.
So, I ask you, bees. (Especially those with kids) Am I nuts here, or is she being super unreasonable? Is the expectation that I will now travel 2 hours every time we see each other? No matter what kind of stress is in my life? Is it actually impossible to take a 7 month old out on the town for two hours? Her email left me confused, guilty, angry, and upset. Especially since I’m still kind of recovering from the shower disaster(s.)