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So I take it that "Together with their families" probably wouldn't be well regarded?
I don't really have any advice to offer as we're paying for our own wedding so we just did what WE wanted to do.
We didn't include his parents names. My mom and aunt both had a fit that it wasn't traditional to list his parents name and it was too wordy. He and his parents never said anything (although I didn't let his parents see a proof until they received their invitation in the mail). That being said, since she has specifically asked and you do have time to change it.. I think you should. It's not worth starting the marriage with bad feelings over something so small.
:(
So I take it that "Together with their families" probably wouldn't be well regarded?
I don't really have any advice to offer as we're paying for our own wedding so we just did what WE wanted to do.
Since your FI would like it, and it would make FILs happy, I'd just put their names in. It's not like the wording, as you've posted, suggests that they are paying for the wedding. It's the invitations. Putting their names in, isn't going be a big deal in the scheme of things. If it keeps drama at bay....
Even though my parents are helping with the wedding, my FI and I are contributing just as much. But, we both don't like the traditional form of invitation wording, like you have above with the parent's name after the FI's because we think it's a bit stuffy and just not our thing. So we did the, Please join us together with our families as blah blah blah and it was well received. Even though his parents aren't paying for the wedding, their name placement on the invite doesn't imply they are, it's just the traditional (and common) way people are used to see weddng invitations. Do you like the "together with our families..." idea? Maybe that'll work. Then you might have your parents flip a wig about their name not being on the invite. UGH invite wording can be such a pain.
Could you change it to be inclusive of everyone and not as 'antiquated':
Together with their parents
Lucy Diamond
&
Boy Beatle
Would that work? I know it doesn't only honour your parents but I think it is important to honour his parents also
we had the traditional split of finanaces, so I had initially worded my invitations like you did, but it did feel stuffy and my husband didn't understand why we were doing it that way. So, I talked to my parents and they didn't have any problem with including my husband's parents names at the top too, so we did:
Mom and Dad Bride
and
Mom and Dad Groom
Request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their children
Bride
and
Groom
etc....
Have you talked to your parents? Is it important to them that they be the only names at the top because of the finances? Or are they less traditional and might not care.
i also hate that wording for some reason, and didn't like the "together with their families" line because it doesn't honor my parents. the way we did it, the main invite has my parents' names on it, and the rehearsal dinner/brunch invite says his parents' (all the out of towners are invited to both, which is more than half the guests, so almost everyone saw both invites...)
What do your parents think? We're also doing the traditional breakdown of money, and I think my parents would be annoyed if we put his parents' name on the invitations, since they're technically the hosts. I don't know what I'll do if his parents are annoyed their names aren't on the invitations. I assume his parents are sending out the rehearsal dinner invitations, so their name will go on that?
If your parents don't care, I might include his parents' names for the sake of peace, but if they would be upset, I would consider explaining that since your parents are technically the hosts, their names are the only ones on the invitations.
We had the same "traditional" payment setup, where my parents are paying for the wedding. Our wedding invitations did not include FI's parents' names at all. It was just:
"Bride's Mom and Bride's Dad
Request the Pleasure of your company
At the wedding of their daughter
ME!
to
Groom
..."
Similarly, on the rehearsal dinner invites, we only listed the names of FI's mom and stepdad, who were paying for that event. Is it important to your fiance's parents to be included at the top of the wedding invitation? In that case, is this ok with your parents? ...or do they want to be acknowledged on your invitations as the sole "hosts" of your wedding?
If it would make your FI happy then add the line. Honestly, why is this even a question? If I know something will make my FI happy I automatically do it no questions asked.
Besides, people aren't going to question the wording on your invites at all. I sent mine out a month ago and my side of the family can't even remember my FI's last name. The only people who will remember are you, your FI, and both your sets of parents, so why not make them happy?
I agree with pps who said that if it's important to your FI and to your FILs, then I would add it. I think it's more important to start the relationship off on the right foot than avoid a "stuffy" format.
We had the same problem as you! Here is the wording that we decided on. I think it was a good compromise and I really like the wording.
Because you have shared in our lives
with friendship and love, we
My first, middle and last name
and
FI's first middle and last name
Together with our parents
Mr. and Mrs. My parent's names
and
Mr. and Mrs. FI's parents names
request the pleasure of your company at our wedding
Sunday, the fifth of September
Two thousand ten
at half past five in the afternoon
Location
Address
City, State
Reception immediately following
Everlong - I went with your original posting for the wording of our invites. It didn't matter too much to me which way it went, but I really cared how my parents felt about it. It turned out that my parents wanted to include my FI's parents becuase they are involved in the entire wedding celebration, by handling the rehearsal. And it made my FI's parents SO happy. It also made sense to leave my parents name at the top since they are paying for all of the wedding day, and having FI's parents name after FI's so it's obvious my parents are covering the actual wedding day.
It's whatever works for you and your family, but it may be worth running it by them, they may surprise you.
We actually went with that wording:
My Parents request the honor of your presence at the Marriage of their daughter, Me to My Husband, son of His Parents.
His parents contributed to the rehearsal dinner only while my parents and I paid for the rest of the wedding. I didn't feel right not including their names on the invite, and this best pleased both of our parents. I know you're not a fan, but if it will make both his parents and your FI feel better, it would be a nice thing to include their names.
No, that doesn't make you a shrew lol. But I will say that I put that on our invitations without a second thought. Just something I felt was the right thing to do. I have a really good relationship with his parents though (I don't know about you) and wanted to "honor" them by putting their names on there.
I understand not liking how it looks, but think it's probably wise to find a way to incorporate his parents' names, regardless of what they're adding to the financial pot.
They may not be hosting, but they did contribute something essential to the wedding: the groom!
If it would make your FI happy then add the line. Honestly, why is this even a question? If I know something will make my FI happy I automatically do it no questions asked.
They may not be hosting, but they did contribute something essential to the wedding: the groom!
so true!
I'd include them if it will make them happy. Does it really hurt anyone to include them as his parents? It won't sound like they are hosting is that's the concern. I'd do everything I could to keeep everyone happy...especially because it's so easy in this case.
We're doing the traditional split as well and worded it the way you have in your original post. I think that wording makes it clear that my parents are hosting the wedding and since he really wanted his mom on the invite, I felt this was the best way to word it.
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Setup... traditional split of finances (my parents wedding, his parents rehearsal...)
We've been working on our invitations for a while now...
We had them down to the proofs. We sent them around for proofreading.
His mom wants to know why his parents names are not on them... not at the top, but down below his name as in
...marriage of their daughter
Lucy Diamond
to
Boy Beatle
Son of Ann Jones and Joe Beatle
blah blah blah location etc
That wording feels antiquated to me, (feels like announcing pedigree and like i'm marrying into some prestigious family) and i dont think its necessary as my parents are paying for the reception... it also looks like trash on the invitations we picked because his parents names would be the longest line...
He likes it but had accepted my wishes until his mother brought it back up...
am i a shrew for not wanting it there???