(Closed) Am I a shrew? Invitation help!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

🙁

So I take it that “Together with their families” probably wouldn’t be well regarded?

I don’t really have any advice to offer as we’re paying for our own wedding so we just did what WE wanted to do.

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

We didn’t include his parents names.  My mom and aunt both had a fit that it wasn’t traditional to list his parents name and it was too wordy.  He and his parents never said anything (although I didn’t let his parents see a proof until they received their invitation in the mail).  That being said, since she has specifically asked and you do have time to change it.. I think you should.  It’s not worth starting the marriage with bad feelings over something so small.

Post # 5
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

🙁

So I take it that “Together with their families” probably wouldn’t be well regarded?

I don’t really have any advice to offer as we’re paying for our own wedding so we just did what WE wanted to do.

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Since your FI would like it, and it would make FILs happy, I’d just put their names in.  It’s not like the wording, as you’ve posted, suggests that they are paying for the wedding.  It’s the invitations.  Putting their names in, isn’t going be a big deal in the scheme of things.   If it keeps drama at bay….

Post # 7
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Even though my parents are helping with the wedding, my FI and I are contributing just as much.  But, we both don’t like the traditional form of invitation wording, like you have above with the parent’s name after the FI’s because we think it’s a bit stuffy and just not our thing.  So we did the, Please join us together with our families as blah blah blah and it was well received.  Even though his parents aren’t paying for the wedding, their name placement on the invite doesn’t imply they are, it’s just the traditional (and common) way people are used to see weddng invitations.  Do you like the “together with our families…” idea?  Maybe that’ll work.  Then you might have your parents flip a wig about their name not being on the invite.  UGH  invite wording can be such a pain.

Post # 8
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Could you change it to be inclusive of everyone and not as ‘antiquated’:

Together with their parents

Lucy Diamond 

&

Boy Beatle

Would that work? I know it doesn’t only honour your parents but I think it is important to honour his parents also

Post # 9
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

we had the traditional split of finanaces, so I had initially worded my invitations like you did, but it did feel stuffy and my husband didn’t understand why we were doing it that way. So, I talked to my parents and they didn’t have any problem with including my husband’s parents names at the top too, so we did:

Mom and Dad Bride

and

Mom and Dad Groom

Request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their children

Bride

and

Groom

etc….

Have you talked to your parents? Is it important to them that they be the only names at the top because of the finances? Or are they less traditional and might not care.

Post # 10
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i also hate that wording for some reason, and didn’t like the “together with their families” line because it doesn’t honor my parents. the way we did it, the main invite has my parents’ names on it, and the rehearsal dinner/brunch invite says his parents’ (all the out of towners are invited to both, which is more than half the guests, so almost everyone saw both invites…)

Post # 11
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

What do your parents think?  We’re also doing the traditional breakdown of money, and I think my parents would be annoyed if we put his parents’ name on the invitations, since they’re technically the hosts.  I don’t know what I’ll do if his parents are annoyed their names aren’t on the invitations.  I assume his parents are sending out the rehearsal dinner invitations, so their name will go on that?

If your parents don’t care, I might include his parents’ names for the sake of peace, but if they would be upset, I would consider explaining that since your parents are technically the hosts, their names are the only ones on the invitations.

Post # 12
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We had the same “traditional” payment setup, where my parents are paying for the wedding.  Our wedding invitations did not include FI’s parents’ names at all.  It was just:

“Bride’s Mom and Bride’s Dad

Request the Pleasure of your company

At the wedding of their daughter

ME!

to

Groom

…”

Similarly, on the rehearsal dinner invites, we only listed the names of FI’s mom and stepdad, who were paying for that event.  Is it important to your fiance’s parents to be included at the top of the wedding invitation?  In that case, is this ok with your parents? …or do they want to be acknowledged on your invitations as the sole “hosts” of your wedding?

Post # 13
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If it would make your FI happy then add the line. Honestly, why is this even a question? If I know something will make my FI happy I automatically do it no questions asked.

Besides, people aren’t going to question the wording on your invites at all. I sent mine out a month ago and my side of the family can’t even remember my FI’s last name. The only people who will remember are you, your FI, and both your sets of parents, so why not make them happy?

Post # 14
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with pps who said that if it’s important to your FI and to your FILs, then I would add it. I think it’s more important to start the relationship off on the right foot than avoid a “stuffy” format.

Post # 15
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had the same problem as you! Here is the wording that we decided on. I think it was a good compromise and I really like the wording.

Because you have shared in our lives
with friendship and love, we
My first, middle and last name
and
FI’s first middle and last name
Together with our parents
Mr. and Mrs. My parent’s names
and
Mr. and Mrs. FI’s parents names
request the pleasure of your company at our wedding
Sunday, the fifth of September
Two thousand ten
at half past five in the afternoon
Location
Address
City, State
Reception immediately following

Post # 16
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Everlong – I went with your original posting for the wording of our invites.  It didn’t matter too much to me which way it went, but I really cared how my parents felt about it.  It turned out that my parents wanted to include my FI’s parents becuase they are involved in the entire wedding celebration, by handling the rehearsal.  And it made my FI’s parents SO happy.  It also made sense to leave my parents name at the top since they are paying for all of the wedding day, and having FI’s parents name after FI’s so it’s obvious my parents are covering the actual wedding day.

It’s whatever works for you and your family, but it may be worth running it by them, they may surprise you.

The topic ‘Am I a shrew? Invitation help!’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors