(Closed) Am I a terrible friend? :(

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

You’re not a terrible friend.  You both are getting used to a different relationship than you had before.  If she’s going through a lot and feels lonely she might just be saying a bit more extreme things than she usually would.  Since you value her friendship I’d try to figure out what you can do.  Like send her an ‘I’m thinking of you’ email cards in the morning or just an email and making sure you call her regularly. 

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s terrible.  I know it’s hard on you but I’d really just try to be strong, don’t take her emotional outbursts personally, and be there for her when you can. 

Post # 7
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You’re not a terrible friend and neither is she. I think she’s just scared b/c of her kidney problems and is thinking irrationally right now. I’m sorry you’re both going through this tough time 🙁

Post # 9
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

it doesn’t sound at all like you’re a terrible friend, and i agree with the other posters that she’s probably extra emotional with the health problems. friendships can change a lot when other relationships are forming, it’s totally natural, especially since it sounds like you two were so close before. since you mention you were “seeing” each other before, do you mean you were in a romantic relationship? if so she may be feeling jealous of her bf, which may also make her question her relationship with her fi…?

Post # 11
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think either of you are bad friends. Friendships change, nothing stays the same. She probly really liked/ fell in love with her now FI & usually boys take priority over other friendships. I’m not saying you can’t still have best friends. I’ve had good friends drop out of my life because they got married. I’ve also had good friends stay in my life after marriage & we’re better friends than ever. Every couple is different.

Its the circumstances, she can’t visit you & you can’t really visit her. You can explain you’re there for her anytime even thou you can’t physically be there, you’ll always support her. Its hard when best friends live far away. She probly thinks you can drive, you have a car, but she’s not seeing the entire picture.

She’s going thru so much & I’m really sorry she’s so sick :(. That’s probably why she’s kinda going thru these “outbursts” with you. If she’s afraid of dying (& I really hope its not that severe, & that she gets better), she may feel alone in what she’s going thru. In times like that, emotions usually drive people. Maybe her FI is terrified to loose her & he’s probly being distant. Idk for sure, I may be completely wrong. I really hope things work out ok. I don’t really know what to say that would help. Just that from what you said, you sound like a very good friend who really DOES care about her friend.

Post # 13
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, sometimes when people have something disturbing them, they let small things get to them easily. Things that normally wouldn’t make a difference can set someone off. Him not having a job is probably tough. My FI doesn’t have a job & it drives me crazy sometimes. I know he’s looking thou. Finances are super tight so that also adds onto it & if FI was lazy all day, I’d be super frustrated. It drives one of my friends crazy when her husband would be lazy & she worked.

Yea I would bet she still has the fear, its scary. I had a friend who had a life threatening disease & she was in the make a wish foundation cause she wasn’t expected to live long. She had to have treatments & it was super scary. That was over 15 years ago & she had a kidney transplant & is fine. She was super upbeat about it, but her parents acted up because they feared she would die. They would act irrational sometimes.

Honestly, if she’s being irrational you should talk about it with her. If she’s stressing you out past your limit, you can tell her that you’re sorry but the stress is affecting your work (if it is, usually stressful things do), relationships & that you’re there for her, but you can’t be told that you don’t care cause you DO care & that it hurts you to think she would think you didn’t. Something like that.

Post # 14
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

& I don’t mean that her going thru stuff is stressing you out, but how she’s treating you & that she’s saying you don’t care about her.

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