Am I a total b&$@h and Scrooge?

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Other issues aside, don’t you feel the toaster is “just” for your MIL, as opposed to both? Will your FIL really use/appreciate the toaster? 

I would personally go in on the gift.

Post # 5
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NLbride:  Families handle money and gifts in different ways. His family will never be as generous as yours, so the sooner you drop the comparison the better.

I suggest you and DH establish a firm budget and do what you can within that budget.

Post # 6
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@NLbride:  Lol! I love toast too! 

Well in thst case, just politely decline and tell them you’ve already gotten them a gift. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Post # 7
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would still give your MIL the toaster, and the wedding album to both of them, but it would be unfair for your FIL to not receive a gift that is mainly for him, since your MIL will be receiving a gift mainly for her – the toaster. So I would either go in on the generator or get something else for your FIL. As you said it would be unfair to your MIL to not give her the toaster and give your FIL the generator, but why do you think it is fair to give your MIL the toaster but not give your FIL anything besides the wedding album for both of them?

Post # 11
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@NLbride:  I don’t think you are. However, I would rethink the toaster. Considerate(stainless steel to match), heart in the right place (fil likes toast) but it is so generic. Like if they adored coffee and you got them a coffee/espresso maker that is useful, thoughtdul and fun!

Don’t compare families with gifts, like another poster said everyone caps gifts differently and handles money differently. If you decide to spend X on one side then be consistent with the other.

Post # 12
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NLbride:  the person you have to convince is your DH. One budget- applies to both sets of parents.

Post # 13
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s not worthwhile to compare your family to his. They will never be the same.

ETA: I love toast, but I wouldn’t want a toaster for a christmas gift. Just sayin. A 100 dollar toaster makes toast just as easily as my 15 dollar toaster.

Post # 14
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think most of us are at an age where we should be making generous gifts to our parents, even if our parents don’t make generous gifts to us.

Post # 15
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@NLbride:  Oh by the way, I am not a fan of people suggesting going in on gifts UNLESS they know and are 100% certain that the people they ask can 1) afford to spend that amount and 2) want to spend that amount

Post # 16
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@NLbride:  ok as long as you give the toaster to both (both names on the card) then it should be enough 🙂

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