I am trying to figure out if I am asking my MOH and BMs to spend too much money. I do not want a shower (not that MOH has offered). I just want my bachelorette party ( I am having to plan since she is refusing to go) in Vegas and for them to come to the wedding. My MOH claims I am asking for her to spend too much money. So far their costs are:
Dress- $60
Shoes- $40
I am paying for their hair and make up. The proposed cost for flight and hotel to Vegas is under/around $500. When I asked MOH to book her flight it would have been flight and hotel for $300.
The hotel for the wedding will be at the most $300 and that is not sharing a room and staying at an expensive hotel. Am I asking them to spend too much money?
So $100 for dress+shoes, $500 for flight, and $300 for the wedding hotel? $900 is too much IMO if your'e insisting on them going to the bachelorette party. If they have to stay in a hotel for the wedding, do they have to fly there too? I figured that $200 was the max for the wedding, and then whatever costs they have to spend to get to or stay there they would have had to spend even if they weren't in the bridal party. I definitely won't insist on them coming to my bachelorette/bridal shower if they have to fly, but if they want to come that's great. I think you have to make Vegas optional...
@CoachSerendipityBride: Yep! That's way too much. Agree with PP- the max most people are willing to pay is $200.
Well, everyone's different but here is my opinion:
That amount of money for a bachelorette party is crazy to me. There are already a lot of costs associated with being in the wedding (hotel room, etc) that a party with a flight and hotel on top of it seems excessive. When I hear about the budget, I think about how useful that money could be elsewhere.
If I were a bridesmaid considering the cost that you have proposed for the bachelorette party and the wedding, I would choose to opt out of the bachelorette party and only attend the wedding if that was an option.
No, they do not have to fly to the wedding. It is a three hour drive for some and a 30 minute drive for others. The bridesmaids that live close to the wedding have offered their spare bedrooms to the other bridesmaids. Also, the MOH is staying with her brother who lives in the same city so she will not have to pay for a hotel.
My mom thinks I am asking too much and my mother in law to be doesn't think I am asking too much of them so I am just trying to get some other opinions.
Agree with PP -- $500 for Vegas is too much, in my book. You don't want people to resent you/your wedding. Make it optional! That way, you know no one will be in a bad mood bc of it, they can make their own choice. But that will also depend on how you present it.
That depends on their life situation and the amount if time to plan it. If you are asking someone with several kids the money and logistics could take 6-8 month notice. If the are single or married and child free and gainfully employed then not so much. I would be irritated nit because of the cost but because of the pressure and demands.
I am having a DW in Jamacia so my coats will be high but there is no pressure to attend if they can't, or do anything. I hope they can make it but I understand that because my location is not at home that that may pose a hardships to others and they may not make it.
@CoachSerendipityBride: The dress and shoes are completely reasonable, but I really think you need to consider letting the girls share rooms. Five hundred dollars for a bachelorette party seems a little expensive, considering they'll also have to pay for drinks and food.
ETA: When I went to Vegas for a bachelorette party, I paid about $300 for the flight and shared hotel room for two nights. That being said, everyone's financial situations are different.
Yes that is way too much money !!! I would not be able to do it, plus they will have to pay for dinners breakfast lunch out each day in Vegas on top of that!!! Why do they need to book a $300 hotel room for
your wedding ? Our honeymoon hotel didn't even cost that much ????
I'm spending at least $700 for my best friend's bachelorette in Vegas. She's my best friend, so really I would spend any amount for her and I always have fin in Vegas with her :) It'll be another $300-500 for dress, shoes, hotel, etc.
So personally, I don't think it's too much to ask them to spend because it's a unique occasion for your besties. If they have the money and appropriate income and desire, they won't resent you.
I wouldn't go to your bachelorette party. If I had a 3 hour drive to your wedding, that's good enough for me. I don't drive three hours one way just for shits and grins.
I think that the bachelorette party is far beyond what most people are willing to spend on a wedding. Other people have mentioned making it optional, but I feel like that makes it a little exclusive. These are your closest girlfriends, right? So wouldn't you want them ALL to be there, even if it meant have a more low key BP close to home? That's my opinion at least.
The flight to Vegas makes things too much. If you all live close, why not have the bachelorette party close to where you all live?
The bachelorette parties I've been to were very low-key, cheap, fun, and quite close to the wedding (like the same week as the wedding). I suggest you pick something that you could do a night or two before the wedding in the same city, and request that they come an extra day. Then they're only adding to the hotel fare. It's a great way to just get to enjoy each other's company before the wedding craziness, but it won't be fun if you have to twist their arms to get them to join you.
@CoachSerendipityBride: Can someone explaine to me why it is necessary for bridesmaids to attend all these functions. They really should be optional. Besides the money, some may just find it hard to fit some of the events into their lives. Or may just not like to go to certain venues/destinations.
If you make it optional then you will have the people there that really want to be there. You can also just have a simple drink/meal in your home city for those who cannot make it. That way everyone is happy.
I feel like the whole Vegas trip is a little unnecessary. That's a lot of money to ask them to spend. Maybe do something local? As far as how much their dress and shoes are that's a great price! My BM's are spending much more for their dresses.
I feel like it is too much for a Bachelorette party.
The other wedding cost are fine.
Most of the hotel rooms are $150 a night where I am getting married and that is with a "wedding" discount. I am sure it would be cheaper to book through hotwire, etc but I am saying $300 as worst case senario.
I am not making them come and some of my bridesmaids can't because of law school, etc. However, my moh knew about the bachelorette party being in Vegas when I asked her to be MOH. I am torn between being disappointed that she isn't coming and how much am I really asking of everyone.
I would not make anyone come to my bachelorette party and especially NOT one that is far away. I dont think a BM should HAVE to pay for anything other than their outfit (even that is only if they have it).
To help with this issue: I am doing 2.
Most of my BMs wanted to go somewhere so most of us will be going to Jamaica. It totals to $900 all-inclusive. However, I have 2 BMs who will not go so we will be doing something local in NYC that will cost them either nothing or just the cost of parking (if they choose to park in a garage vs train or street-parking) or if they buy drinks.
If your girls say it is too much then change your plans or assume that one will not make it.
YES, just because the dress you chose is on the less expensive side, the EXTREME weight of all the other costs way outweigh the cost of the dress AND shoes combined....for pete's sake let them wear their own shoes! I hope you aren't expecting a gift on top of all this!
Yes, asking for a Vegas bachelorette party is out of line, and to be honest I think it's more than a little bit rude to ask for that sort of thing. I'm not sure exactly when bachelorette parties became vacations - it seems to be a trend on this board, but I don't know anyone in real life who has done anything like this. Unless it's your friends idea and they're excited about and can afford it, it's completely inappropriate. And obviously it's not realistic for your friends based on what your MOH is telling you.
You said that you have to plan your own party because your MOH won't go. She might have planned something if you'd given her a chance instead of telling her what you expected, which is a big lavish trip that will cost hundreds. Yeah, that's probably a drop in the bucket when it comes to your wedding budget - but to your BMs and MOH it's a LOT of money, and then plus on top of transportation and the hotel they'd still have the normal bachelorette party expenses like alcohol, cover fees, meals, etc. I think it's time to give your MOH a big apology for asking for something so expensive, and if you can muster up a sincere apology and back off maybe she'll plan something on her own - but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't because she's too worried about not meeting your super high expectations. The fact that she knew that was what you wanted when you asked her to be a MOH means nothing - it was a way over the top expectation then, and it still is now.
I don't think it's too much. I guess it really depends on your bridemaids financial standing.
I think $60 for a dress and $40 for shoes are very cheap. The Vegas thing doesn't seem too expensive either. $500 is average in my opinion. My girls want to go to either vegas or meixco for my bachelorette party (their idea not mine) and I know it will cost around $500 or more.
I think a huge factor is where you live. What you mentioned is pretty normal in NYC and I think most bridesmaids here are expecting to spend around that much for everything.
Yea that's a lot of money. I felt bad about asking them to all wear a 80 dress. None of mine will have to fly and one will end up probably staying at a hotel. I have flown many places for many weddings as a guest (when I had a good job and made good money) but requiring a $500 bachelorette party is just a lot to ask for, if I had known a year in advance maybe I would have saved to go but it would have had to have been a nice conversation like hey I'm the bride and I would love to do this is this okay with you guys? And then we would all see what we could do.
Not a hey the bachelorette party is in Vegas be there or be square. Where do you live? If I were in the east we would all go to Atlantic City to save money or if you are near New Mexico there are a ton of casinos there. I'm sure you could find a way to get the experience you want for less money. If you still want to go to Vegas go yourself or with a willing participant who can afford it.
I think that's a lot for the bachelorette party because it's not just $500, it's also food money (and that can really add up if you're only eating at restaurants on the strip), gambling money (if you're into that), any shows, and other random expenses. So the girls are probably looking at 700-1000 for the trip depending on what you guys do. Around here Vegas is kind of the norm for bachelor/bachelorette parties but it's also only a 4 hour drive and I felt bad asking my girls to pay $150 for room and Chippendales show, I can't imagine asking them to pay $500 when this wasn't a group decision.
when i was a bridesmaid for one of my closest and oldest friends, she had her bachelorette in miami (live in cali) AND a bridal shower in LA. i don't remember the exact breakdown but between bachelorette, bridal shower, gifts, dress, etc., i spent a good $1200 to be in her wedding. it was painful and i definitely grumbled about it to my hubs, but i had fun and she is one of my best friends so it was worth it.
all the girls in the bridal party felt the same way. we were all in our late 20's and had good jobs. we could all afford it. if anything, i probably had the tightest financial situation but the costs were spread out over a few months so i was able to budget for it.
so it's up to you to take a look at your friends and their general lifestyle. are they the type to splurge on trips? would you spend the same for their bachelorette?
@Mrs Christopher: I live in Texas. When I first talked about booking I had the flight and hotel for $300 total per person but the deal expired and not everyone booked when I suggested. It's now $500 for flight and hotel. That is with putting 4 girls to a room. The flights change in price hourly. For example this morning it was $438 round trip and then tonight it was back to $308 so it might be cheaper. There really isn't anywhere else to go. New Orleans is out of the picture and would be just as expensive as Vegas.
I absolutely would spend that much. I picked the cheapest dress and shoes I could find because I knew the bachelorette party would be expensive. I think I am just mainly upset with the moh because at first she was all into planning this and going. Then, all of sudden she changed her mind. I have a feeling it is because her bf wasn't invited to the bachelor party that is also in Vegas that same weekend.
I think that's way too much to spend. I think $400 is max I would make my girls spend, and thats for everything. You have to remember they also have you buy you a gift, that adds another $50-100. Plus having to request off time of work for a bachelorette party. (assuming your not going for only 2 days) Thats beyond $1,000 for a wedding. You better be buying them an awesome present if you're expecting them to spend that much. I also agree that it's unreasonable to force your bridesmaids to go to your bachelorette party. I understand that your upset your MOH changed her mind, but maybe she's in a tough financial situation and doesn't want to make you feel bad about the expenses already associated with the wedding.
If they are saying it's too much, it's too much, no matter what anyone else says.
My fiance's bachelor party is in Vegas and not all the people he hoped would be there can attend (flight and hotel worked out to $400 per person, but total expenses will be more like $1500 with restaurants and shows, and that's not even including if they want to gamble or spend money on strippers), and that's totally okay. It was more important to him to go to Vegas with his three best friends and a few random other people than to make sure everyone was there. Almost every bachelor party he has been to was in Vegas, so that's what he cared about. I know it was more important to me to maximize the number of peope who'd be able to come (my friends are 10-15 years younger and make much less money and are mostly in grad school, so realistically like two could have gone to Vegas, maybe three if you count my brother lol) so I'm just having on in my city, possibly even in my house.
I gues the other thing is that you can't "require" the bachelorette party. You or whoever is hosting it tells them when and where it is and then people can go or not. It's not like the wedding where the bridal party has to be there. Unless you made it clear up front with costs that you expected anyone in your bridal party to be at the bachelorette in Vegas.
If you think your MOH doesn't want to go because her boyfriend wasn't invited, why not just invite her boyfriend? My fiance and I pretty much have just done open invitations to our friends who are invited to the wedding for the bachelor/bachelorette. If they want to bring their boyfriend or spouse, why the heck not?
Even if my very best friend was doing this for a bachelorette party, there is no way I could justify spending that cash for a Vegas trip. Unless all of your BMs have good jobs, have a lot of money, can easily take vacation and don't have kids or families.. I wouldn't expect them to be all in.
Yeah for me that would be a lot (but me and my BM are all in our mid-20's, just starting out in our career). If your BM already have an established career & they have a lot of cash as disposable income, that's a different story, but all the travel expenses you mentioned would make my wallet pretty unhappy if I were a BM.
I'm paying for dress, hair, & hotel room for my BM. No bridal shower or bachelorette party. So all they have to pay for is alterations and the filght to & from the wedding. Total cost for each BM is probably around $300.
@CoachSerendipityBride: However, my moh knew about the bachelorette party being in Vegas when I asked her to be MOH
Ummm, YOU don't plan your bach party. Your Bridal Party does. So you've pretty much planned this, and want them to shell out, when in reality, your bach party is supposed to more or less be a SURPRISE party, hosted by the bridal party, with little or no input from the Bride.
Personally, I'd back out. I'd feel as I mentioned above:you're planning everything, and just want me to pay for my part. That's not fair, nor does it sound fun. Your BP is looking at $900 just for the logistics portion. That doesn't include alcohol, gambling, gag gifts(which is part of the BP, for some), or meals. If you just HAVE to go to Vegas, go on your honeymoon. Or, if you're in a state that allows gambling(aside from Vegas), go local. OR, even better in my opinion, YOU pay for them to get there.
Something else. I've been to Vegas twice. I've been to Lake Charles PLENTY of times. I've gambled at both. Guess what? Lake Charles is more expensive than Vegas, when it comes to lodging. I paid $65/night in Vegas, by staying at a basic Motel(with OMG good reviews, LOL, not just a random spot in a ghetto). I pay $100+ in Lake Charles(unless you go with Motel 6, which is ALWAYSSSS booked!), just during the week.
I'm probably going to get hated on for this, but I think this is where weddings are getting out of hand. It's like we're now throwing big parties to celebrate an even bigger party. I just don't get it. What happened to a cheap night out with a few girls? Sometimes the simplest things are the most fun.
My maid of honor has spent about $700 on a dress and shoes (she'll get to wear them again though) $900 for flight, and about another $1000 for hotel stay (though she's staying for more then just my wedding) but she isn't paying for my bachelorette party
That's a very expensive party you planned. Did you check with everyone when you planned it?
I am sorry, but it is a ridiculous amount to spend. Even if I have no kids and a steady job there are other important things I would want to spend $700 or more on. Days off from work and additional expenses for food make it over the top I think.
If they think it's too much, have told you so, I wouldn't question it. Everyone's budget is different, you have to take their opinion on their budget as correct. I think it's too high. I would be able to afford it and do it anyway, but I wouldn't like it. But at younger age, it would have been a huge struggle.
i think its too much unless it was their idea
mainly because thats not all theyre going to have to spend - food, drinks, transport, entertainment. its really going to add up
i agree with pp that bachelorette parties are getting out of hand.whatever happened to simple drinks at a nice bar?!
I don't think thats too much at all. Most wedding's ive been in I've spent around $1500 to $2000.
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