Post # 1
My SO and I have talked many, many times about getting engaged this year. A few weeks ago, he was waxing poetic (unprompted) about what a lucky guy he is and how excited he is to spend forever with me (he’s really sweet like that & yes, I’m a lucky girl!). And I said “but you’re not sure yet” and he asked why I thought that and I said because he hasn’t yet proposed. He was a bit perplexed because he said you can be sure and be in the process of making a proposal happen – buying a ring, deciding where to propose, etc. I agreed and told him he had a valid point. He was totally right and my point was totally baseless – I realize that so no need to flame me for this.
Fast forward to last night when we’re going to bed. He looked like he had something on his mind and he finally said “I want to give you an update on the ring so you don’t think I’m stalling or that I don’t plan to propose” and he goes on to tell me that he thought he could buy the ring and get it with a 2-week turnaround but it turns out the setting is on backorder and they won’t get it to him for a month. So he ordered the ring, told me what day it was expected to ship, and when he was expecting to receive it and that he wants to compare it to a ring at another store on one of the following specific dates (the 3 days preceding my birthday).
Bees, I love that he was considerate enough to look out for my feelings and give me an update so I don’t wonder what’s going on, but at the same time, I want to be SURPRISED! I haven’t hounded or even asked him for ring buying updates but I’m guessing he told me because of our conversation a few weeks ago. Should I tell him not to give me any more updates or just let him tell me whatever he wants? Am I asking for too much by wanting a surprise on top of everything else? Should I just let this surprise thing go and be happy that this amazingly wonderful man wants to ask me to be his wife?
Post # 3
@mojitolady: Tell him thank you for easing your fears, but that you’d like it to be a surprise from here on out. 🙂
Sounds like it’s coming soon. Good luck with your waiting.
(Also, I hate surprises, I’d love if my SO told me that much.)
Post # 4
Yeah, you can’t UNknow that it’s been ordered or when it should arrive. That doesn’t mean he can’t hold onto it for a few months. Just let him know that you appreciated the update and it made you feel more secure about his intentions. Then tell him that planning the proposal will be up to him but you want it to be a surprise. Then never mention it again.
Post # 5
You can’t have it both ways! Just let him know thanks for the update but I don’t want to know anythign else. FWIW, I knew exactly when the ring was delivered and my DH proposed 36 hours later and it was a COMPLETE surprise. I had no idea he was going to do it that day.
Post # 6
My fiance was pretty forthcoming with the details as he was planning, and I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. I even had a pretty good idea the night he went to buy the ring. It occured to me that it might be the night he would propose too, and I even went and got a manicure just in case! Honestly, I was still absolutely shocked and trembling!!! It really won’t matter in the end. You’re going to be surprised no matter what.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs,say something like “Thank you for making me feel better! I look forward to the surprise of when you decide to ask!”
Post # 8
@mojitolady: I think it’s very sweet that he wants you to feel secure that it’s coming and he’s serious about proposing. I would definitely thank him for that, and then ask that he keep the rest a secret!
Post # 9
@mojitolady: Poor guys… they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If I were you I would have stopped him before he gave specific dates. My SO is very likely to do something like that, too, just to keep me happy and calm, but I want a surprise.
I don’t know your relationship, but in mine I would probably tell him “I am so thankful you wanted to give me the update and I know you did it to make sure I knew you are serious. I love you for that. Since it seems like we are on the same page, I’m not going to ask any more questions and please don’t give me any more updates. I will let you plan the proposal without risking the surprise.” Just so he would KNOW not to give me any more details.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
Your guy sounds so lovely to want to reassure you so thoroughly ^^ mark me as jealous :3
Even though when yoknow the date the ring should arrive doesn’t mean you know exactly how or when he’ll do it! Obviously it won’t be a complete 100% surprise but isn’t that worth trading for a lot of peace of mind? It’ll be surprise enough when it happens and certainly certainly romantic and special enough.
Good luck to the both of you!
Post # 11
As PP have said, it is so nice that he thinks about your feelings!! But if that doesn’t make you happy, you should tell him that you want it to be a surprise!
Post # 12
Thank you all for the feedback! Over dinner tonight, I mentioned that it made me really happy that he was so open about the process and the steps he’s taken and he said it’s important for him that I know the wheels are in motion. So I said I really appreciated it and am now confident that he is moving forward with his plan so he doesn’t need to share any future updates with me unless I’m still ring-less a year from now. 🙂 He smiled and agreed so I think we’re good to go.
I was just feeling bad because you all are right: guys can never win! When they’re cagey and vague, we want them to be more open. And when they tell us everything we want to hear, we say “no, surprise me!”. I’d be happy to marry this man surprise or no surprise, so I hate to be too picky or put too many restrictions on him.