(Closed) Am I asking for too much if…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

This weekend I had all my BMs meet me at David’s Bridal.  I told them to pick out what they wanted in my color and in tea-length.  It was wonderful because they all got what they wanted.  So they can’t complain about the fit or cost because THEY picked it out not me! 

It was nice to because I just stood there watching them try on dresses, it was sooo laid back compared to other dress shopping I’ve done for other weddings.

Post # 4
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

They need to stick to your criteria, not the other way around!  It is your day, you decide what you want you girls to look like!  They should be happy if they get any input 🙂

Post # 5
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you are asking too much.  A lot of brides still pick what they want the BMs to wear without much input from the BMs.  I originally wanted my girls to pick up whatever they wanted to wear in the color of my choice, too, but now I am having second thoughts, worrying what if they pick a dress that doesn’t go with the wedding/style I have in my head.  I am actually thinking doing what you are doing, having a selection of dresses for them to pic, rather than letting them have the whole rein.  Just make sure you have styles that flatter all figures. 

Post # 6
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I don’t think you’re asking for too much.  You could be a lot more strict like some other brides.

Post # 7
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m doing the same thing for my bridesmaids and I don’t think I’m asking too much!

I think by letting them pick the dress, they can pick something they like and maybe even wear it again.  But in the end, the choice is yours and I think you’re giving them plenty of room to choose.

Post # 8
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think it is asking too much! I just took my matron of honor and got her to pick out what dress she wanted and I just of course picked the color. So I made her make the decision for what everyone else was wearing. And trust me, I had my input on which one was chosen too! I just knew I wanted them to have short dresses. But remember, it is YOUR day, NOT theirs!!


Post # 9
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Someone will always be unhappy when they aren’t the ones with total control!

I think it’s great that you’re trying to be so accommodating & you’re trying to figure out what works best for the majority. I don’t think you’re asking too much… stick to your guns. Don’t let them bully you into something you won’t be happy with.

Post # 10
2641 posts
Sugar bee

It doesn’t sound like you’re being unreasonable to me.  You are giving them choices so they can feel comfortable based on different factors.

But can you give us more info on what it is that they are pushing for?  Were the styles you selected varied enough to allow for some different body types?  Sometimes we think we’ve been accomodating.  But when we step back and look at the situation objectively, we might find that isn’t the case.  I would try to hear their case and be objective about it.  If someone is asking for a wrap or empire waist because they are heavy and don’t want to hide certain parts I’d allow it.  If they feel all the choices are too low cut, I’d take that into consideration.  If they are griping about the color or length, I’d tell them to suck it up.

Post # 11
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well, it depends. If all of your options are $600 gowns and your BMs are all struggling grad students, then it might be asking a bit much. However, if the prices are reasonable, I think you’re being nice by giving them options. Quite honestly, agreeing to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man can often mean having to buy a dress you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise. And if buying a (to me ugly but to her gorgeous) dress is the price I have to pay to stand next to a close friend on her wedding day, it’s worth it to me.

Post # 12
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I did the same thing for my girls with J Crew dresses. A few told me things they would “appreciate” in a dress (i.e. straps cause they had bigger boobs). But you need to make an executive decision. They should be able to find something they can wear!!!

Post # 13
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

this is the exact reason i chose to skip the whole bridesmaid thing. well, that and the fact that everyone’s strapped for cash and i didn’t have any $$ to get the bridal presents.

Post # 14
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

I don’t think you’re asking too much. I think we’ll go a similar route.

Post # 15
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m doing exactly what you’re doing and my BMs are perfectly pleased with the situation. I’m working with a lot of different body types and they all very much appreciate the fact that they get to choose a style that will most flatter their figures. Yeah, I’m picking the color because DUH it’s my wedding, but I also chose a color that will look good if not great on everyone. You’re fine. Don’t stress. If anyone gives you slack they are stupid because you could just as easily be picking them yourself and putting them in something terrible.

Post # 16
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Find a middle ground. 2 of my BMs are wearing Dessy dresses, but my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t want to spend the money for a dress she wasn’t excited about. She ended up finding something that she liked better at White House Black Market for cheaper. Dresses don’t all have to be from the same designer. You’d be surprised how easy it is to find dresses in the same color family.

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