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Unless you told them upfront at the beginning that you expected them to pay for their hair, I dont think you can require it.
As a BM I expect to pay for a dress, maybe shoes and to chip in for a shower. I dont think anything else should be required unless it was discussed and agreed upon before I accepted. It shouldnt matter if I spend $40 on a dress or $400. Its an entirely different expense.
Its not a trade off: just because you dont get a bachlorette, doesnt mean you get to ask them to spend money on something else instead. Ask your sister to org a bacholorette- or another BM- even just a casual dinner out somewhere.
Sorry, but I think you're asking them to pay too much. I have curly hair that no one knows how to do. Anytime I go to a salon for a wedding, my hair looks like total crap. I have a friend who is fantastic with my hair and she usually does it for weddings. I'm also not very big on make-up, and can do my own very nicely for a wedding. So $145 for something I don't want to do and know will make me look like crap? Yeah...I wouldn't want to do it either.
Short answer, yes, you are asking too much. You can't require your bridesmaids to get their hair and make up done unless you pay for it. And honestly 80-100 for just hair is a lot to ask. Especially if someone does have short hair and there is no chance they are going to have a really crazy up do. If you want them to have everything professionally done then you should pay for it. If not, leave it up to them. You have to trust they can make themselves presentable for the day. As the poster above me said you don't get to trade things off. Not having a bachelorette party has nothing to do with forcing your friends to pay for hair and make up.
I don't think you're asking too much, especially since you had discussed it with them beforehand and they said at that time that they were okay with it.
The only thing that seems off to me is that it seems like a lot of money ($80 and up) to get their hair styled, and I can understand why someone with really short hair would have a problem with that.
Honestly, I think it's too much. That's a lot of money for a hairstyle. I think all you can do is tell them if they would like their hair done, the team will be available at x time and it will cost x amount. Unless you're paying for it yourself, you can not require that they do it.
Just my .02!
I don't really think you're asking them to pay too much since you mentioned all of these things before. However when it comes down to it, it's not really worth a fight to make someone get their hair done.
I think it's pretty generally accepted that if a bride requires her bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup, she pays.
$80 for a hairstyle when you have short hair is too expensive. I wouldn't want to pay for that either. Do you think her hair is going to look terrible if she doesn't get it done professionally?
Unless you are paying for hair and makeup you cannot require them to get their hair done. If they want to spend the money on it then they can but I do think its too much to ask to have them paying for their own hair if they dont even want to get their hair done.
I wanted all my BM's to get updos, so I offered to pay for 1/2 of their hair as a gift. I never actually said they were required to get it done, but I said it would look nice if we all had our hair professionally done and I felt bad about the $90 price tag so I would pay for 1/2.
The only other thing my BM's had to pay for was their dress, which was $150 which I don't think is too bad. They got to wear shoes of their own choosing and makeup was optional. My Mom paid for the shower since it was at her house, but hosted by my BM's.
I don't think you're asking too much. I assume that I'm going to have my hair and makeup professionally done when I'm a BM and that I'll have to pay for it.
In terms of the dress, shoes, etc. I do believe those costs are more than fair. However I do not think it's right to require not only your BM's to get their hair done but alse tell them who they have to get their hair done by. I was in a wedding where the bride required us all to get our hair and makeup done together at the venu by the stylist they chose. It made for a very uncortable situation and it was not a fun morning because a lot of people were not that happy. Let's say you want everyone's hair up, I would ask my BM's to have their hair up, this allows them to go to whatever stylist they chose or even if they have a friend or family member that is really good at hair.
It doesn't sound like you've asked them to pay for a lot and have been really great about keeping the costs down. Is there any validity to the short haird BM not wanting to pay to get her hair done? Would it be worth it? How about if they dont want their hair done, you ask them to pay for the make up since it's cheaper. If they get make up done, and can do their hair just fine, then why argue it. At the end of the day, you and new hubby are the focus of the day, BM's and GM's are on the side lines, I dont think its that big a deal to make them get their hair done.
You are asking them for too much.
If you require them to get their hair and makeup done, then YOU need to pay for it.
You can offer hair as an option but you cannot require them to pay to get their hair done.
Really all you can ask them to buy is dress and shoes. Anything else should be an option for them to accept or turn down OR you should pay for it.
@realeastcoaster: The stylists are coming to us.. so I'm sure that affects the price some.. but in the DC area, that is actually THE CHEAPEST I found for hair and makeup. Even in the salons near us they said it would cost around the same. I remember I paid around $80 to get my hair done for prom! And my MOH's hair isn't really *that* short... it's about shoulder length (but it's short to her).. so there is still plenty to work with. I thinking asking them to pay less than $250 to be in the wedding all together is pretty cheap.... especially since I see some brides posting that just their BM dresses alone cost $350+!
And I'm not forcing anyone to get anything done. I asked them all if they would, and they said yes. They knew the costs beforehand and agreed, so I don't think I'm being unfair now. Nothing has changed! :(
I think that you have really been considerate of cost by choosing a less expensive dress and inexpensive shoes. Most BM dresses that I have worn cost between 150-200 with alterations ('m freakishly short). My shoes for my sister wedding cost $65 and I'm fine with that. We can pick any style we want as long as they are ivory. I have always expected to pay for hair and make up as a bridesmaid, though I have never been required to do it. I gave my BM's the choice, they all wanted hair and some wanted make up and others did not. Their hair was $65+ depending on style, no more than $75. I gave each of them a $50 gift certificate to absorb some of the cost. I think $80 is a lot of money when you have short hair. My understanding is that if you require hair or a specific style that you pay for it. I think that as long as everyone looks nice then it shouldn't matter if they did it themselves or had it done professionally.
Hi - been reading this thread. I sympathize with you, I'm going through something similar. I'm wondering if it isn't more the fact that bridal party is sort of backing out of an agreement than the actual cost of anything that's upsetting to you? It would be to me; I think it's hard to put together a wedding, period, and when people agree to plans and then hedge, it can be frustrating at best. Laughing over here because like I said, I'm currently going through this, I have a very small bridal party and I'm acting as go-between for them and my hair/makeup artist, sheesh you'd think it was buying a house. I'm not hearing that you required anything but what they'd previously agreed to. Sorry it's going like this, but it will get resolved at some point and I hope happily for you.
I don't think that you're asking them to pay for too much at all!! I think you've actually been very generous and thoughtful, especially in going for the less expensive dress and using the miles for your OOT BM's plane ticket!
I dont think youre asking too much of them. youve been a very considerate bride with keeping dress and shoe costs down and even talking to them about hair and make up beforehand. paying for their makeup for a gift is sweet and i would love for a bride to do that for me if i were in her wedding.
@kala_way: I dunno how to say this without sounding mean.. but yes- I do think it will look bad. She never does her hair... for her own courthouse wedding, she went with a wet head. She was in a wedding before and "did her own hair" and didn't actually do anything to it. Someone even offered to do her hair for her and she refused. I love her to death.. and I accept her flaws as I would expect her to do the same for me. It doesn't take away from her as a person.. But I know how she is.. and since she has other things to blame not doing stuff on now, like being pregnant- which she uses as an excuse for everything, I just don't want to stress about everyone not looking nice for a semi-formal wedding. I am reallllly anal when it comes to things like this (little details)... and while I acknowledge that it doesn't/shouldn't matter.. I know it will still bother me. Especially in pictures.
@karenski: I do think that them agreeing then backing out is very frustrating. None of them have said it's a money issue.. they just don't want to do it now. But it would have been nice to know *before* I booked hair/makeup people to come to the hotel and paid a deposit, and had a trial done...I could have just gone to a salon to get mine done if they didn't want to, and let me know beforehand.
I'm paying $500 to get my hair and makeup done. That's a lot to me! But, I want to look great and I didn't want the stress of traveling around Northern VA on our wedding day.
Hmm...money is such a sensitive issue, and I think it's important to consider that your bridesmaids do have other things in life (yes, more important than your wedding) to account for, and sometimes those things are unexpected. At the end of the day, as brides, we all understand this is the most important day of your life, but for a girl friend? I don't know. I'm on a fence here. I hear the dilemma, and know that everyone here understands where you're coming from, but I think it would be helpful to try to think about it from the perspective of a bridesmaid.
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(Sorry this is kinda long. I'm so frustrated!!)
I am getting married on April 16th... NEXT MONTH! This whole wedding process has been pretty horrible with a pending lawsuit on a previous venue to get our deposit back because they suck; my MOH telling me she is pregnant and getting hitched at the courthouse and being *completely* unavailable through the majority of the process; one bridesmaid living in a different state and never responding to emails or phone calls; and now my little sister who is also a BM moving to Florida (who was my only source of help thus far).
I knew everyone didn't want to spend a lot of money on being in our wedding so I made sure to make good choices that would keep the costs low. We got their BM dresses and shoes at an outlet mall: $40 each for the dresses and $30 for the shoes. The dress I chose wasn't my original choice however. My original choice, which everyone agreed to pay for cost $200... but in the end, I decided to go with something else that we saw in a different store that fit my theme better and it just happened to cost $40.
My sister threw me a bridal shower at my parent's house, which my MOH took credit for because she planned all the games and her mom brought some food.. I ended up cooking the majority of the other food for my own shower because they all wanted to use recipes that I had made, and couldn't figure things out. (It was a VERY stressful morning) My sister was still in town then, so she did not have to travel. My OOT BM flew in for the weekend to attend, but her ticket was UBER cheap (Less than $100) because we used FF miles to get the cost down.
I had mentioned to them all before when looking for hair/make up people that I wanted them to get their hair and make up done the day of the wedding and I made sure to pick a company that did a great job and kept the cost low. They all agreed to pay for their hair and make up at that time, and I gave them the costs.
Well just this weekend I got an email from the stylists asking for a final head count so they could make a schedule for our wedding day. I called my OOT BM and my MOH to make sure they were ok with me putting their names down, and still paying for it. My MOH said "Well my hair is really short so I don't want to pay. I don't even know what they would do! It's a waste of money." She then told me that if everyone else was doing it, she guessed that she would do it too but she still protested.
The cost of hair and make up is: $80-$100 for hair depending on style, and $45 for makeup. I told all of them that I would pay for their makeup as a BM gift so none of them could say no to getting their hair done. I want everyone to look nice on our wedding day (My MOH is the type of person who NEVER styles her hair or wears makeup)! I am planning on paying for my sisters hair as a secret gift since she has been such a big help and my only support through the whole process. My OOT BM said she could do her own hair, but if I really wanted her to get it done, she would. I can tell neither of them want to do it at all.. and I know they are going to make rude commetns to the stylists about the costs the day of the wedding.
I would do all of this on my own dime for them for their wedding if they asked... and I just feel like no one cares!
Am I asking them to pay too much?? I think I have been VERY fair with the costs, and since no one is throwing me a Bachelorette party because my preggo MOH is too tired to do anything and just doesn't feel like it, I think that is a fair price to ask them to pay to look great and be pampered for one day! Especially since my FI and I are paying for half of our wedding, and I'm already covering the cost of a lot of stuff for them.