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not to complain

Am I behind?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    paigesprinkles    June 26, 2010  

    Hi Hive,

    I just got engaged Friday (haven't posted story or pics yet b/c apparently I am incapable of taking good pics!). I know people have mentioned it in posts before, but whenever anyone finds out I'm engaged they ask me when the date is, what month, what I have planned. Then they look at me like I'm crazy when I say we have not done anything yet. I know people are just curious and I appreciate that they are taking an interest, but honestly it makes me feel like a big loser. I have an idea of when I would like to get married, but i was planning waiting to decide until after the holidays b/c I am overwhelmed with a few things right now.

    I am just curious if I am behind. Should I have set the date right away? I have not had any relatives or close friends get married, so I don't know what I am supposed to do. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!

     
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    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    Nope! It's awesome that you're getting to enjoy being engaged! I love it when people take alot of time to figure out what they want and they're not in a rush, I think it's really sweet.

     
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    OttawaBride2011    May 21, 2011   Ottawa, Ontario

    No, no no you definitely don't need to pick the date right away! Unless it's really soon, there's no rush. Enjoy your holiday season and then think about wedding planning :)

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    no way! there's no way that people would be about to get engaged and poof, know the date that they want to get married. unless they've been planning before the engagement. my fi and i didn't have a clue, and we didn't really want to at least for a little while. just tell them that you're waiting until after the holidays to start planning, i'm sure people will understand.

     
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    HunnyBear    September 11, 2010   New Jersey

    First, congrats on the engagement! And no, you do not need to set a date right away.  We didn't start doing any planning for about a month, and yes, some people thought it was odd, but we knew we wanted to take our time.  If anything I would think about what time of the year you want to get married..that's a good starting point.  Otherwise, enjoy the engagement and the holidays and then start planning in the new year!

     
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    GirlWithARing    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC, marrying in Philadelphia

    Definitely not! Everyone asks these questions out of curiosity or just to be polite (because, after all, what else are you going to say when someone announces their engagement after "Congratulations" and "How did he propose?"). I did nothing for the first couple of months, and it took us until November to set a date (we got engaged in June). When I really started planning, by the way, it came together very quickly.

    So enjoy the holidays, and don't worry about the questions from everyone! Oh, and congrats on the engagement! 

     
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    melv0802    September 18, 2010   new jersey/philadelphia

    congratulations=) i don't think you're behind at all! i think that's people's initial question once they congratulate you...definitely enjoy your engagement period and enjoy the moment then you can start planning...people asked me that question too after i got engaged, and we didn't know until probably a month or 2 later...

     
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    notasaint    December 31, 2009   FL

    You're not behind.  I guess most people think couples now talk about engagements and wedding dates prior to it happening or that every woman has a fantasy date in mind already.  Go at your own pace, you'll be fine.

    We got engaged on 10/31/09 and set our date a week later, getting maried 12/31/0i9.  Fast engagement, LOL.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Lees4308    March 13, 2010   Panama City Beach, FL.

    You are so NOT behind! I bet all of these "people" asking you if you have a date set are women, right?! It's probably because all of these women, when they get engaged, rushed right to the calender to pick out a date. I guess it's just one of those things you do out of excitement of being engaged.

    You don't have to set a date right away. I pretty much picked a date right away but had to change it three times because there's more than just "picking a date" involved. First you have to make sure your venue isn't booked, and if you have a photographer in mind you need to make sure they're available, etc.

    It can be completely overwhelming! So waiting until after the holiday's is not a big deal at all. I've kind of put my wedding-planning on hold until the new year!

    Good luck girl!

     
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    LadyGoodman    September 25, 2010   Baltimore, MD

    Don't worry!  The night that I got engaged, people asked me whether we chose a date and what colors we were having.  The next week people started asking me about my dress!  Don't let them get to you and stress you out!

     
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    ErinMarguerite    July 2009   DC Area

    I think people are just interested and excited for you.  Since you haven't picked a date yet, start with the bigger question of dates: do you want to get married soon (before next September) or later?  Do you have a season, or are you waiting for someone to finish school for example.  Enjoy the process and congratulations!

     
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    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    I don't think you're behind.  You are allowed to take your time.  People do get excited and they probably don't mean any harm but just because you're engaged doesn't mean you have to immediately begin planning, that's how the stress begins!  When you're ready, you're ready.  But, once you pick a venue, you will have to begin researching the other vendors because you don't want to miss out on booking them which could happen if you wait too long.  Lots of other brides move fast!

     
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    mizrunzou    June 26, 2010   Kansas City, MO

    Congrats!

    I remember getting that question right after my engagement...and now I don't ask that!!  We didn't find our venue (and therefore our date) until about 3-4 months after we got engaged...we wanted to relish being engaged.  But, we also knew we would want to get married in the summer b/c of my job and we had a little time to wait.

    But, long story short  - - those people are nuts and just trying to make conversation :)

     
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    esrockhold    November 5, 2010   Seattle

    We didn't plan right away, as things came along and caught our interest naturally, we planned. Inspiration doesn't come all at once.

     
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    amariem25    October 2009  

    no you are not behind.  i set everything right away and wish i hadn't.  take your time booking the big things or you'll regret it later like i did!

     
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    SXMBride    May 5, 2010   Hudson Valley, NY - Wedding in Sint Maarten

    I agree with everyone on here - Not behind!  But I know how you feel....I'm realizing this about the entire process so far.  Its almost like because you're the bride you have things figured out already....a lot of pressure sometimes!  But don't let it get to you!  Just breathe and ENJOY this time of your lives!

     
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    prettylizy    November 24, 2010  

    I think people just ask that because they don't know what else to say! It's like the go-to thing to say to a newly engaged couple. You're not behind!

     
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    scissors    June 19, 2010   Atlanta, Ga

    You can set the date whenever you feel like it. We waited awhile to set ours, and people just had to get over it. :p

     
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    Blushing bee
    redhead87    July 2, 2011   Rochester, NY

    Congratulations!!! My fiance and I didn't pick a date for a couple of months after our engagement.  We got engaged in November and around the holidays everyone was asking us when the date was.  ha we got engaged in November 2008 and aren't getting married until June 2011 due to me finishing up my bachelors and masters.  People will get over it!  Take your time and don't feel rushed.

     

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