Post # 1
So, a quick one – I’m getting married this summer and have been engaged for nearly a year. My best friend (who’s my MOH) got engaged 3.5 months ago has brought her wedding forward to a month before mine.
Myself and my FI are both on low wages and have spent a year saving, and my parents are funding the majority of the wedding. My BF and her FI are funding their wedding themselves.
So I have posted before about friction. The latest subject is money.
She wants us to pay for a room for the two nights of her wedding which is expensive and we can’t afford. Her and her FI took a room at our hotel when we booked the venue last year. Dilemma. I have already bought shoes and a brooch, will be paying for hen party stuff – and this is out of the wedding budget myself and my FI had left ourselves for our wedding. We don’t know if we can yet afford a honeymoon but are thinking of borrowing money, and I have borrowed money to pay for the accommodation and meals for my BF’s hen weekend.
I apologised and explained early on that I would still be there for all of her wedding, including the day before, but that I couldn’t afford to pay for a room. Since then she sent a round robin facebook message asking people to take rooms at the hotel as they couldn’t afford to cover it, and picked me out in the email asking again if we could take a room. I sent another apologetic message but felt a little embarrassed at having to explain myself in front of everybody. Then a few days ago I received an email asking if I could take a room for one night, to which I said I would be there till she went to bed and be there when she got up but unfortunately I really can’t afford it.
I feel guilty and mean and embarrassed. She has messaged me again today saying she’s going to call because she wants to talk to me about it. Am I being a bad friend?
Post # 3
She is being a bad friend by pushing the issue. If the money isn’t there, it isn’t there. Some people don’t seem to understand that.
Post # 4
Not at all, why is it so important that you stay at th hotel?
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
She’s being a bit too pushy about this.
Post # 6
You are not being a bad friend at all. Being a good friend doesn’t mean you pay for things you cannot afford. If you can’t afford it than there is really nothing else you can do. If she wants you there that bad and knows you can’t afford it then why doesn’t she pay for it? I have bridesmaids that I know can’t afford to pay for hotel stay and I felt it was important for them to be there the evening before so my mother and I are taking care of the accommodations for the entire wedding party (we renting a house for the weekend, cause it was much cheaper than separate hotel rooms). If she is not willing to pay and thinks you should pay than maybe you should step down. Tell her you love her and you would want nothing more than to be a part of her day but you can’t afford it right now.
Post # 7
@dahliaitseems: No. She is being the bad friend. If she can’t understand your situation, then let it be. If she kicked you out of the party because of that, then you know how good of a friend she is. Consider yourself lucked out.
Remember, put your foot down and dont give in.
Post # 8
I used to work as a Sales Manager for a large hotel chain blocking rooms for wedding groups and we used to offer 1 free room for ever 10 rooms reserved. I’m wondering if your friend maybe got the same type of deal and therefore is pushing to have you and others stay at the hotel so that way they don’t have to pay for their own room. I might be totally off base but that’s the only reason I can think she’s so pushy when it comes to staying at the hotel
Post # 9
Your friend may have also signed a contract where she is required to fill a certain number of rooms or pay a penalty— it’s bad planning on her part to over-estimate the number of rooms she needs, but could at least give some insight as to why she is so fixated on the rooms. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it, and no amount of coaxing will change that, so you’ll have to be polite and honest but firm.
If she is facing a contract penalty, there are a couple of websites where you can find strangers to book into your block. Of course this will work better in high-demand locations during peak season when hotels are sold out, or if your friend’s hotel block price has a good discount; google around and see what options are available in your area.
Post # 10
I think your friend is trying to make a room quota, and she is being a little pushy. I would have the discussion with ehr and just tell her it isn’t in the budget. You are not being a bad friend.
Post # 11
She’s being a bad friend by being pushy about you getting a room even though you told her you cannot afford it multiple times then calling you out in an email with other people.
I would call her on the phone or tell her in person that you cannot afford it and will not be booking any room and that’s that and don’t ask you again.
As long as you are there for her when she needs you it shouldn’t matter where you sleep.
Post # 12
I feel she is being the bad friend, not you!
Post # 13
You’re not being the bad friend here, she should be more understanding on your situation. She is in the wrong here imo because she is pushing you to take a room you can not afford.
Post # 14
I agree with the PP’s that she’s being too pushy. Your financial situation isn’t going to change before her wedding, especially with your wedding a month after hers, so it’s out-of-line for her to expect you to pay for a room after you declined the first time. You can still be there for her without springing for the hotel room, and your friend needs to realize that.
Post # 15
She’s being the bad friend. You are going out of your way to do what you can. A true friend never wants to put you in a situation where you feel embarrassed or forced to sacrifice your own self for the sake of the friend. Sorry she’s making you feel this way but do not put yourself into debt for someone who seems to care so little.
Post # 16
IMO you are definitely not being a bad friend. You have been engaged over a year, and have been planning your wedding for a long time. It is not your fault that she got engaged less than 4 months ago and decided to plan a wedding for one month before the wedding you’ve been planning for over a year.
She should understand how tight money can be when planning a wedding (unless she is not paying a cent for her own) and that unnecessary costs like hotel rooms when you can be where you need to be on time without staying there, really add up.
I agree with PP’s that there is most likely an arrangement where she has to have X amount of rooms booked and she gets her room free. Tell her FIRMLY, that this is the last time you will say it, but you WILL NOT BE PAYING FOR A HOTEL ROOM because your wedding is coming up as well and money is tight. IF she can’t understand, she isn’t as great a friend as you thought.