Post # 1
I’m a newbee, but I was a lurker for a long time. I’ve chosen to join to get some advice. My boyfriend is in the Army National Guard, and he’s finishing up his time in school. It looks like he will be deployed sometime in the fall. Besides the obvious stress that comes from that, we have agreed to get married before he is deployed. We agreed that it’s the practical thing to do because deployment pay for a married man is significantly higher than a single man. I love, love, love him to death. He’s my best friend, and I already feel that we would get married anyway. It’s just about having the funds and the right timing. But, if we do get married before he is deployed, it will have to be a quick elopement type of deal in a courthouse. I am absolutely devestated by that thought. I’ve always wanted a white wedding with my family and friends. Even though he has promised that we can do the whole ceremony, and that I can even keep our marriage a secret until that ceremony, I still feel disheartened at the idea of getting married in such an unextraordinary fashion. I feel like such a little brat. Any words of advice?
Post # 3
DO NOT HIDE IT!!!! every one i know who has hid it has had their families find out and they have goten pissed. So what i would say is bank the extra money while he is deployed and have the wedding you wanted when he gets back. Becase besieds the extra pay for being married he also wont pay taxes on most if not all of his pay. So be smart save and don’t lie.
Post # 4
@MsTireSmoke: I don’t believe that you are being a brat. Us ladies dream about our weddings for YEARS, and we want it to be the way that we have envisioned it.
Think of this as the practical thing to do. More $ is better for you both, in both the short and long term. When you DO have the wedding of your dreams, it will feel no less wonderful and special.
Post # 5
@TankIsCute: I agree, don’t lie!
Be upfront; the smart decision is whatever works best for you and your SO. Have faith that your loved ones will support you!
PS welcome to the Bee!! 🙂
Post # 6
I understand why you’re disappointed, but like your FI said, you can still have your white wedding when he gets back. And you’ll also have a little more cash because his pay will be better. Planning your wedding while he’s gone might make the time go by faster, and then he can come home to you and a beautiful white wedding! I know it’s not the way you envisioned it, but your ceremony will be that much sweeter and special because you waited for him to get back. Very romantic, actually!
Post # 7
@MsTireSmoke: I don’t think you’re being a brat, you have every right to want a more traditional wedding. But sometimes things just don’t work out quite that way. :/
My sister and her husband were in the same situation–he found out he was being deployed, they had been together 5 years, wanted to get married eventually, etc. He proposed while he was on leave and they decided to get married 3 days later. There were probably about 25 of us in that tiny courtroom to watch the wedding and the ceremony was honestly beautiful. The JoP was even tearing up!
They talked about doing a reception later, but as they fell into married life, decided that it honestly didn’t matter. My sister says the only two things she regrets about getting married in a courthouse were not having a wedding gown and not getting a honeymoon. Thats it. She’s especially more thankful now watching me get stressed over mine!
So you can still have your wedding down the line, but you may find you don’t feel the need for it as much.
But don’t lie.
Post # 8
@MsTireSmoke: Of course you aren’t a brat! You have every right to feel the way you do. I think that everyone feels twinges of disappointment when they realize that something isn’t going to happen the way that they had pictured it. But the good thing is that you do get to have the big celebration, just not in the order/timing you expected. There’s no reason why your private ceremony can’t be something that is romantic and sweet. If you look up elopement packages in your state on Google you may be able to find something that you two would like to do that would be romantic and sweet.
How about breakfast in bed, getting ready together, getting married, having a romantic dinner, going back to your home/hotel/B&B to eat your cake for two and have your first dance, then having a bubble bath with champagne and putting on music and silk rose petals (you can get these from the dollar store) on the bed to enjoy your first night as husband and wife? There’s no reason why your courthouse ceremony can’t be an unbelievably romantic day for the two of you. 🙂
Planning a wedding during his deployment may be an option worth considering and talking over with him. I am planning our wedding while my FI and I are long distance and it definitely helps to direct my energy and thoughts towards something and helps the days to go by faster.
I wouldn’t recommend keeping your marriage a secret for that long. I wouldn’t be able to lie and say that my husband isn’t my husband, I wouldn’t not want to change my last name, and it would be horrible to always have to watch out for what I say around my family. Your family should understand why you are getting married soon. And I see no reason why they won’t be super excited to watch your vow renewal and celebrate it formally with you two!
At the end of the day, remember what matters most: that you are marrying the love of your life. Good luck hun.