Post # 1
hi, so i have something that is bothering me, and would like feedback from girls who are into weddings…
the situation is this: one of my bridesmaids is going all out for the wedding. she is getting hair extensions, fake eyelashes, buying high-end makeup so that she looks just perfect on the special day. she doesn’t plan on ever marrying her bf of 10 years, so I feel she is using my wedding as an excuse to go all out. the thing is that I’m not really into extensions or fake eyelashes and wasn’t planning on doing those for myself (maybe the non-permanent false eyelashes, but not the semi-permanent ones she wants). Oh and she is getting her eyebrows tattood to fill them in – right before the wedding.
I feel so awful, but she is already gorgeous, so I’m nervous that she will completely outshine me. I was very kind in letting them choose beautiful dresses to wear, floor length wine colour dressses…but i kind of thought that the girls would be more modest and wear their hair up and have tasteful , classy makeup but not all out fake everything.
Would it be rude to say something to her? What would i even say without sounding like a jelous b*tch? I guess I kind am being that way….
Is it wrong to ask her to wear her hair up, if i ask all of them to? Also, is it ok to ask them to limit themselves to 3 1/2″ heels so that they don’t tower over me, as my dress limits me to that height of heel…
Your advice is appreciated.
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Jenny1984.
Post # 2
Jenny1984: I dont see anything wrong with asking them to wear their hair up or wear a low(er) heel. I DO see something wrong with your other complaints. As someone who wears a lot of high-end makeup and ALWAYS has in expensive extensions I would be very offended
Post # 3
If she’s a close friend she’ll understand.
My maids are asking me what kind of shoes I want them to have, what to do with their hair and makeup… it’s not unheard of to ask them to dress a certain way.
I don’t know a tactful way of saying, ‘don’t look better than me’. Realistically everyone is going to be looking at you anyways. So even if she does do the whole fake getup all eyes will be on you, don’t worry about that part as much.
Post # 4
You can only ask them to do a certain hairstyle if you are willing to pay for it. And seriously, don’t worry about what your bridesmaids look like. Most people are there because they know and love you and your fiance, they aren’t going to be comparing you to your friends. And who cares if she is taller than you? I am taller than all my bridesmaids but I wore flats and they wore heels, so in pictures I look shorter. It seriously doesn’t matter at all.
As far as her trying to outshine you, maybe she just enjoys dressing up? There aren’t many places you get to wear fake eyelashes. I wore them as the MOH in my best friend’s wedding, she didn’t. No one cared, and by the middle of the reception I was sick of them and pulled them off. Just don’t worry about what everyone else is doing and focus on the important part, which is marrying your fiance.
Post # 5
This is a tough one. I totally get where you’re coming from since it kinda seems like she is trying to outshine you since all of this stuff is new, not just how she’s always dressed. Rest assured, all eyes are on the bride on the wedding day, no matter how great the bridesmaids look.
I wouldn’t say anything to her individually, but I think it would be fine to ask them all to wear their hair up because you can just say you want a standardized look. Asking for anything beyond that might look jealous and petty, though, so tread lightly! Just remember, even if she steals a few moments of attention because of her makeup or hair or whatever, you and your new husband will still have the spotlight on you on the big day!
Post # 6
gelaine22, i think if she always had the fake eyelashes and the extensions it wouldn’t bother me, but it’s the fact that she is going absolutely above and beyond what she would normally wear for this wedding. she’s a close friend and we’ve been bridesmaids together when we were younger in two other weddings and she didn’t do this sort of thing. we’re a bit older now, and she’s decided that she will not have a wedding , so she’s treating this as if it’s like her wedding in terms of hair and makeup , which is what bothers me.
Post # 7
you guys are right, i shouldn’t care. she’s a dear friend and it’s not worth offending her. i paid for their dresses, and if i was to tell them to do their hair up, i’d pay for that too. we’re all planning to get ready togethre.
wow, this is the first time i’ve asked for help online and it’s actually really helpful. thank you
Post # 8
No you’re not being bridezilla.
Bridesmaids are there to support the bride, so should dress / do themselves the way bride wants, so long as it doesn’t cost them extra (in either time or money), and doesn’t affect their appearance for more than the wedding day (so e.g. the bride can’t request hair cuts or tanning even if she pays).
Your situation is kind of the opposite to what I usually read about, because you want the bridesmaid to do less, not more! I can’t see anything you’re requesting which will require her to spend extra, except possibly for the hair updos. For the hair, the way around it would be to pay to get their hair done. Another exception is the eyebrow tattoo is a longer term thing, so you can’t tell her not to that.
Some people will probably say, “let her wear eyelashes / hair extensions / high heels” if she wants but, in my book, agreeing to be a BM means agreeing to dress how the bride wants on her wedding day, within reason.
Post # 9
to put this delicately, don’t let your insecurities get in the way of how one of your best friends and bridesmaid chooses to style her hair and do her makeup. Or how you feel about yourself that day.
Post # 10
Jenny1984: If you are paying for hair and make up then you will get more of a say in what they have/do. So there is always that as a solution. Are you getting your make up professionally done? Even if you aren’t a real make up person you could get a nice natural look with the temporary little fill in lashes? It is standard where I’m from that everyone gets their hair and make up done by professionals (bride pays, it’s just how it is here) and I’ve never thought that the BMs outshone the bride because they had nice make up too.
With regards to the heels thing, I don’t think this is an issue. I am 5 foot 8, my MOH was five foot 11 and my other BM was 6 foot 1. We were all in the same sizeish heel so of course they were much taller than me (just as they are every other day of the year). It’s not like I felt bad on the day because of this nor do our photos look weird?
Post # 11
Can you ask that she looks like “herself” for the wedding? I mean, tell her that you love the way she looks and that is how you want her captured in pictures? You want the “real” her.
It it all depends on how the friend would take that though
Post # 12
Jenny1984: I accidentally voted “Yes”. I do not believe you can approach her about. It’ll seem bitter and jealousy driven and well a friendship would not be the same afterwards. Also… believe me no one will be able to outshine you! You’re the bride. They’re there to see you and your future husband. 🙂
Post # 13
Trust me. You are the bride, and you will be the one with all the eyes on you. She won’t outshine you.
I think it is a little silly that you seem to write as though it was a huge concession on your part to get them dresses that actually look nice. Just saying.
Post # 15
If you want to dictate their makeup, you need to pay for it. Period. Asking them to wear their hair “up” is vague enough that you wouldn’t necessarily need to pay for a stylist, and asking them to wear a certain height of heel (or even a specific shoe, if it’s affordable) isn’t exactly bridezilla material, either. But there’s not a good way to tell your friend “don’t look fake or prettier than me.”
Honestly, my biggest worry in everything you listed would be whether her eyebrow tattoos would be nice and healed up by the time your wedding happens. I’ve had friends with tattoos who are still itchy/have really dry skin a month on and it would suck for her to be standing there desperately wanting to scratch the whole time.
ETA: Regardless, you’re the bride and all eyes will be on you and not her!