Am I being a bridezilla?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I say something to my bridesmaid?
    Yes : (52 votes)
    39 %
    No : (83 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 2
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Jenny1984:  I dont see anything wrong with asking them to wear their hair up or wear a low(er) heel. I DO see something wrong with your other complaints. As someone who wears a lot of high-end makeup and ALWAYS has in expensive extensions I would be very offended

    Post # 3
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2015


    If she’s a close friend she’ll understand.

    My maids are asking me what kind of shoes I want them to have, what to do with their hair and makeup… it’s not unheard of to ask them to dress a certain way.

    I don’t know a tactful way of saying, ‘don’t look better than me’. Realistically everyone is going to be looking at you anyways. So even if she does do the whole fake getup all eyes will be on you, don’t worry about that part as much.

    Post # 4
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    You can only ask them to do a certain hairstyle if you are willing to pay for it. And seriously, don’t worry about what your bridesmaids look like. Most people are there because they know and love you and your fiance, they aren’t going to be comparing you to your friends. And who cares if she is taller than you? I am taller than all my bridesmaids but I wore flats and they wore heels, so in pictures I look shorter. It seriously doesn’t matter at all.

    As far as her trying to outshine you, maybe she just enjoys dressing up? There aren’t many places you get to wear fake eyelashes. I wore them as the MOH in my best friend’s wedding, she didn’t. No one cared, and by the middle of the reception I was sick of them and pulled them off. Just don’t worry about what everyone else is doing and focus on the important part, which is marrying your fiance.

    Post # 5
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    This is a tough one. I totally get where you’re coming from since it kinda seems like she is trying to outshine you since all of this stuff is new, not just how she’s always dressed. Rest assured, all eyes are on the bride on the wedding day, no matter how great the bridesmaids look. 

    I wouldn’t say anything to her individually, but I think it would be fine to ask them all to wear their hair up because you can just say you want a standardized look. Asking for anything beyond that might look jealous and petty, though, so tread lightly! Just remember, even if she steals a few moments of attention because of her makeup or hair or whatever, you and your new husband will still have the spotlight on you on the big day!

    Post # 8
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No you’re not being bridezilla.

    Bridesmaids are there to support the bride, so should dress / do themselves the way bride wants, so long as it doesn’t cost them extra (in either time or money), and doesn’t affect their appearance for more than the wedding day (so e.g. the bride can’t request hair cuts or tanning even if she pays).

    Your situation is kind of the opposite to what I usually read about, because you want the bridesmaid to do less, not more! I can’t see anything you’re requesting which will require her to spend extra, except possibly for the hair updos. For the hair, the way around it would be to pay to get their hair done. Another exception is the eyebrow tattoo is a longer term thing, so you can’t tell her not to that.

    Some people will probably say, “let her wear eyelashes / hair extensions / high heels” if she wants but, in my book, agreeing to be a BM means agreeing to dress how the bride wants on her wedding day, within reason.

    Post # 9
    2189 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    to put this delicately, don’t let your insecurities get in the way of how one of your best friends and bridesmaid chooses to style her hair and do her makeup. Or how you feel about yourself that day. 

    Post # 10
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Jenny1984:  If you are paying for hair and make up then you will get more of a say in what they have/do. So there is always that as a solution.  Are you getting your make up professionally done? Even if you aren’t a real make up person you could get a nice natural look with the temporary little fill in lashes?  It is standard where I’m from that everyone gets their hair and make up done by professionals (bride pays, it’s just how it is here) and I’ve never thought that the BMs outshone the bride because they had nice make up too.  

    With regards to the heels thing, I don’t think this is an issue. I am 5 foot 8, my MOH was five foot 11 and my other BM was 6 foot 1. We were all in the same sizeish heel so of course they were much taller than me (just as they are every other day of the year). It’s not like I felt bad on the day because of this nor do our photos look weird?

    Post # 11
    3698 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Can you ask that she looks like “herself” for the wedding? I mean, tell her that you love the way she looks and that is how you want her captured in pictures? You want the “real” her. 

    It it all depends on how the friend would take that though

    Post # 12
    195 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Jenny1984:  I accidentally voted “Yes”. I do not believe you can approach her about. It’ll seem bitter and jealousy driven and well a friendship would not be the same afterwards. Also… believe me no one will be able to outshine you! You’re the bride. They’re there to see you and your future husband. 🙂

    Post # 13
    3018 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Trust me. You are the bride, and you will be the one with all the eyes on you. She won’t outshine you.


    I think it is a little silly that you seem to write as though it was a huge concession on your part to get them dresses that actually look nice. Just saying.

    Post # 15
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    If you want to dictate their makeup, you need to pay for it. Period. Asking them to wear their hair “up” is vague enough that you wouldn’t necessarily need to pay for a stylist, and asking them to wear a certain height of heel (or even a specific shoe, if it’s affordable) isn’t exactly bridezilla material, either. But there’s not a good way to tell your friend “don’t look fake or prettier than me.”

    Honestly, my biggest worry in everything you listed would be whether her eyebrow tattoos would be nice and healed up by the time your wedding happens. I’ve had friends with tattoos who are still itchy/have really dry skin a month on and it would suck for her to be standing there desperately wanting to scratch the whole time.

    ETA: Regardless, you’re the bride and all eyes will be on you and not her!

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  MadamPince.
    Leave a comment

    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors