Post # 1
So, this isn’t about the typical worries with strippers and clubs for my FI’s bachelor party. This is about the timing of the bachelor party. Now, we have been engaged for 11 months. My FI picked his best man about 10 months ago. So there has been plenty of time to plan a bachelor party.
Needless to say, the best man is a poor planner and it turns out he is getting married just two weeks before our wedding. Now, I had my bachelorette party about 3 weeks ago. With less than 3 weeks before the wedding, the best man texted me and asked if its ok if the bachelor party is the night before our wedding.
My response was very nice and said, “I would prefer that it isn’t because we all (including the wedding party) will need to be up by 9am to help with set-up and last minute preparations.”
His response was, “Well between our wedding and honeymoon, there are not very many days to choose from.”
So, I am standing my ground. I suggested doing something low key during the week. My FI is a little bummed and said that I got to enjoy my party, so why can’t he. He is grumpy and grumbly about it now.
For the record, I don’t mind him having a party, I just do not want it to be the night before our wedding. They have had months to figure something out. Of course I want my FI to have a fun bachelor party, but I don’t want him to be hungover or tired and grumpy on the morning/day of the wedding. My FI isn’t a huge drinker, but staying out until 2 am is going to make him tired.
Bees, am I being unreasonable? Should I just let him have his bachelor party on the night before our wedding?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t like this either. I don’t think you’re over reacting at all.
Post # 4
@bmo88: You sound very calm — not like a bridezilla at all! And you’re absolutely right: Both your FI and his BM had plenty of time to plan this. Since you’re waking up at 9 am and you might even have a rehearsal dinner the night beforehand (and those often go longer than you’d think!), your FI will appreciate having a party before all this goes down. That said, the BM could plan something for everyone else to attend while he’s out of town, and maybe even just admit that he’s been preoccupied and needs someone else to take over these plans.
Post # 5
Not at all!! I plan on making sure my FI gets as much sleep as he humanly can because he will be sweating buckets and stressed to the hilt the day of. That’s just the kind of man he is. He even stresses over exciting things, lol.
I think (just my opinion without the whole story) that it’s kind of selfish of the Best Man (presuming he decided to get married that close to your wedding AFTER you started planning and set your date) to make it all about him instead of working things out with your FI earlier. I don’t blame your guy for being grumpy and grumbly…Maybe suggest he do something with the guys the weekend before and if the best man can’t be there, oh well?
Post # 6
@bmo88: That’s a stupid time for a bachelor party.
Post # 7
At first I was thinking not a good idea….then you said he isn’t a big drinker. If it just him being tired you are worried about then I say let him have it the night before. We got hardly any sleep the night before, but we were too excited to be tired. Now, if you think he will drink too much, then I would suggest they at least do it two nights prior to the wedding.
Post # 8
DH was exhausted the day before the wedding. His brother took us out for drinks after the rehearsal dinner. We stayed out all the way until 11 p.m.and we were still tired the next day! I’m with you on that one.
Post # 9
I think it’s pretty unreasonable of the best man to suggest that, and I would freak if it went through. Though I may be a bit biased–I remember watching one of those ridiculous teen wedding shows where the bachelor party ended at 3:00am the day of the wedding. The groom was still pretty tipsy when he was walking down the aisle. (The couple was also from my home town! So strange.)
Post # 10
@bmo88: What your FI does the night before the wedding is his business. It’s not your place to tell FI and his buddies when they can have their party.
What time is the wedding? If it’s an afternoon wedding he can probably get away with sleeping in until midday anyway.
Post # 11
@OtterHalf: Although just because he isn’t a big drinker doesn’t mean the rest of them aren’t. That would be a major concern for me too. Can you imagine the BM or groomsmen passing out or puking because they’re still semi-drunk/hungover?! I’ve seen videos of stuff like that and it was not pleasant.
Honestly I would just say no and that they should have planned better. Tell him he’s free to go the weekend before and if his BM isn’t there that is HIS fault.
Post # 12
I don’t know why you guys choose to marry someone who you think needs a bedtime or a curfew. In my case, my husband didn’t go out the night before the wedding and I was out until 12:30 with it being about 1:15 before I got to bed and 1:30 before my MOH got to bed KNOWING we had to be up and in the hair salon at 7am, all while trying to pack a bag in the morning to get dressed at church after the salon and sit down and eat breakfast at a restaurant with my MOH. He is usually the one who can deal with little sleep, but asking me to do so is like a ticking time bomb. Guess what? Everyone was fine.
Please stop trying to parent him. He knows he’s getting married the next day and he’s supposed to be marrying his fiance, not his mother.
Post # 13
@paula1248: She did say that he needed to be there at 9 for the setup so sleeping in is not an option. I think she has good reason to be upset about this. Of all the weekends that they’ve had they wait until now?! That’s ridiculous and if someone misses out on something because THEY didn’t plan or think things through then so be it.
Post # 14
@Luayne: OK then remind them of the 9am start and trust them. I agree with @DJones69: , they’re not children and they don’t need a curfew.
(ETA: But it’s up to your FI, not the best man. If your FI wants to veto the night before, he can. But since it sounds like FI wants to go out, he can do that too).
Post # 15
Your friend is being unreasonable in my opinion. Doesn’t he know that the night before the wedding is usually reserved for last minute preparations, rehearsals, etc, and that everyone has to get up early the next day??
He can find ONE other day to do it. Come on, dude.
Now, this isn’t to say it’s bad for your DH to go out the night before your wedding or anything – but let’s be real here. He should be focusing on him, you and and the next day. Not getting a best man wasted the day before his wedding.
Post # 16
@paula1248: No, they are not children however the BM asked her and she told him how she felt about the situation. Also the fact that her FI is having a temper tantrum now does not help prove him an ‘adult’. Seriously any responsible adult would NOT do this because they would know it’s a bad idea. Since they are getting married less than 24 hours after this poorly planned bachelor party I think tht it only shows respect to honour her feelings. She shouldn’t have to parent him but we all know that sometimes even the best need a nudge in the right direction.