Am I being an unreasonable bride?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee

She’s rude and insensitive (and probably green with envy too). Endof story.

Post # 3
Member
3632 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think she’s really that interested, in participating. To be blunt “I’d can her ass!”

Post # 4
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Oof, that’s pretty rude. I’d be hurt by her attitude, too. Personally, I’d probably stop involving her and just consult your MOH with the details you want feedback on (that way it’s not JUST her who’s excluded, it’s more of a “I didn’t want to bother you all, so I just asked MOH!”). I’m super passive, though, and would likely be upset with her the entire way through to the wedding if her attitude continued (which I see no reason why it would change), and be angry at myself for letting her get to me. FI, on the other hand, would probably suggest hanging out with her and casually bringing up that her comments made you feel hurt. But he’s good at tactful honesty, whereas I’ve perfected the art of say-nothing-for-fear-of-her-hating-me. He’d probably also have responded to her hotel comment with an immediate joke about paying for the dresses and/or her lavish birthday parties, but again: somehow he always pulls it off. And he’s so much less stressed than me over irritating people! Anyways, don’t really know where I’m going here, except to say good luck… if you stay quiet, she’s still going to be rude and insensitive. If you say something, try to be tactful and joke-y, but you do run the risk of truly pissing her off and possibly losing her as a bridesmaid (which maaaaay not be the worst thing…!). 

Post # 5
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry you’re having such a rubbish time with your bm. I don’t have to tell you she’s being incredibly rude and disinterested. If you like the invites, she shouldn’t criticise your choice. It’s what you want. Have you asked her why she’s being like that? I agree with others, she might be jealous. My sister is being awkward with me, hating every choice I’ve made for my wedding and she didn’t want to help me with anything even though I’ve done so much for hers. Does your bm want to get married but isn’t in that position yet?! Just speak to your bm and tell her you need her support and for her not to let her jealousy/resentment out on you. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow she is incredibly rude!!! I would call her out on it, nicely. “BM, I’ve noticed that when anything wedding related comes up you become uncomfortable and irritated. I asked you to be part of my wedding because you are one of my closest friends and I really value our friendship. I would hate to think I was doing something that caused you any discomfort. Is there something going on that you would like to talk about?”

Post # 7
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Sounds like it’s time to ask her to step down as a bm. Is she having any problems in her life, like a recent break up? Or is she single and feeling a little jealous? My sis can have a major jealous streak and I just ignore it most of the time, but sometimes she really gets on my nerves. Sis is in the wedding and that won’t change, she is blood after all. But if a friend acted that way, she wouldn’t be much of a friend anymore. Not unless there was something major going on in her life.

Post # 8
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee

thefuturemrswales:  

Obviously she doesn’t want to be involved so as long as she shows up the day of (even if she didn’t it may not be terrible) I would say just go on enjoying your egagement with your FI and the people who want to be supportive and positive. I am curious why you asked her in the first place is she not normally this rude or mean? Are you related and bound to have her as a BM?

Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

She’s the one not only being unreasonable, but a total bitch. She isnt a real friend. I have a similar problem, one BM casting a black shaddow over something that should be nothing but joyous. Drop her before its too late. What a horrible person she is. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

1. She got the dress so what is the problem? Stop making it into an issue. Not everyone is going to be estatic about your wedding and it’s planning and nor do they have to be. Your wedding is important to you, other stuff is important to other people.

2. So why does she have to pay for a hotel room? If she doesn’t want to then she shouldn’t have to. End of story. And you can’t compare what she decides to spend her money on during her weekends to what she wants to spend on your wedding. And if she insists on something for her birthday then as a fully grown adult you have the right to refuse to do, just like she is doing to you. Stop blaming her for you choosing to participate in her birthday celebrations. No one forced you and life/friendships aren’t tit for tat.

3. You shouldn’t ask for opinions if all you want is validation. Was her delivery rude, sure was but you can’t be angry at her for giving you her opinion after you specifically asked for. 

Going forward just plan your wedding without consulting her unless you want her truthful opinions.

Post # 11
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow, I can’t believe so many people are telling you to “can her” or otherwise ask her to step down from the BM position. I don’t think you’re necessarily being unreasonable, but asking her to step down is a friendship ending move and should be reserved for extreme circumstances – which this isn’t.

A. If she has the dress and wears the dress to your wedding, which it sounds like she’ll be able to, that’s all that matters. It’s on her if she doesn’t particularly love the dress since she didn’t make an effort to go shopping.

B. I sent my wedding party (BMs and GMs) the hotel information, just like the rest of my guests. If they book, they book. If they don’t, they’ll have to make other arrangements (my BMs are local, my FI’s GMs are not so they’ll be stuck at a different hotel). I have not and will not harrass them about it or confirm that they’ve done it – they’re grown adults and as a grown adult I find it annoying to have to worry about their hotel rooms. If the situation were reversed, as a grown adult I would find it annoying to have someone bugging me about the hotel room. If she doesn’t want a room…she doesn’t need one.

C. This was quite rude of her, but if you asked her opinion then you should be ready for it. It sounds like either she’s always a blunt person in a joking/over the top way (I have a friend like this, she thinks it’s “funny” to be mean and as I don’t, I just don’t ask her opinion anymore) or she just really is not interested in wedding planning. Either way, she’s rude and you know that now so don’t ask her opinion on things anymore. But rudeness is not a reason to “fire” her or end the friendship. 

Post # 13
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yeah, she’s definitely rude! Try not to let her get to you too much.

Post # 14
Member
4381 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

j_jaye:  carolinabelle:  I have to agree with these guys. 

OP, yes, your BM has been rude to you, and there’s no excuse for that. Still, she’s human. She might just be getting tired of wedding planning. I can tell you honestly that I would be annoyed if a bride asked me to confirm my hotel reservations for her wedding 7 months before the event, and I might even be annoyed with the invitation selection stuff — but I am one of those people who doesn’t really “get” weddings and all the fuss that goes into planning for months and months. Maybe your friend is like me in that way (although I hope I would never be that rude to you).

My advice would be to trust that she is going to make her hotel reservations and not bug her about it. I also would stop asking her for her opinion on stuff — clearly she is going to have a negative opinion about everything, so why bother?

Post # 15
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I can’t believe some people are kind of sticking up for your friend. She IS rude, it’s that simple! I get that people think she doesn’t have to be involved in everything or even care, but she doesn’t have to be such a bitch. You asked if you are being a brizezilla and no, you are not at all. Why can’t friends just be there for you when you need them. 

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