Post # 1
This is shower related – but baby shower, not wedding shower, hope that is ok!
A good friend of mine is pregnant and due in September. When she told me, I offered to throw her a shower b/c I knew she didn’t know many people in our town and most of her family is out of state. She was very excited, and asked if it could be a couples shower, which I said yes too.
Fast forward a month to today, when she sends me a spreadsheet of everyone she’d like me to invite. It is 60 people plus their children – in her email to me she even said it was everyone she knows. Now, I realize I didn’t give her a cap on guests, but she knew I would be hosting it at our house (which she’s been too many times, including packed parties), so she should know there is no way that 60 people could fit in our house. We could handle 30 – 35 but even that would be pushing it. (We have a good party floorplan, but it’s still a townhouse, no getting around that).
She’s requested a meeting to discuss this – am I unreasonable to say I can’t fit 60 people in my home, and that she either needs to make it ladies only (which would drop us to around 30 plus kids), or that she will need to cut some of the list (removing coworkers for example). The list is entirely local.
I realize another option would be for me to host it offsite, but I’ve already called around to the parks in our area and they all charge to rent their outdoor pavilions, and I can’t afford to pay for location plus food plus decor, etc.
Am I being unreasonable, or is the right thing to do to suck it up and make this happen, since I offered to throw a shower?
I do realize that some people won’t attend, but I can’t take the risk that all of them (or most of them do).
Post # 3
Tell it to her straight-up: you can’t fit 60 people in your townhouse. Explain about the price factor with parks, etc. (and throw in a comment about the weather if you want), and let her know that if she REALLY wants to invite all 60 people, she needs to suggest an alternative, or offer up some dough. (It’s unusual to invite men & children to a baby shower, anyways, from what I understand…if she wants to meet these people on her own time, that’s fine, but 60 people at a baby shower just sounds like a gift grab!)
Post # 4
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think 60 is a really big number for a baby shower. Especially if you are the only one hosting it, that is going to cost a ton of money. And I think you’d have to have a pretty big house to even be able to accomodate 60 people. Maybe someone else could throw her another one, coworkers or something to bring down the guest list.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell her that you simply cannot accommodate 60 people at your home. Just because you offered to host her a shower doesn’t mean you offered to break the bank doing it. As hostess, you’re really in charge of how many to invite and what goes on. Just tell her you can’t accommodate 60 and that you can probably only have 30-35 people. Then give her your two suggestions (all ladies or cutting the guest list down) and let her decide which she’d rather do.
Post # 6
I dont think it’s unreasonable at all. You cant fit 60 people, you cant afford another location. End of story. Just explain it to her, i’m sure she’ll understand.
Post # 7
I’m hoping she will – but responding to her vey nicely about it in email prompted a “meeting to discuss”, which is just odd to me. I don’t think I can be convinced that they’ll fit!
Post # 8
Surely she’ll be up for compromise. This just sounds like the first steps in the planning and that she just threw out everyone she knows because she’s making up for not being from the town you’re in.
I think you can flat out tell her to change it because of the space. I think that since you are at the beginning stages you can do it openly and not fear that it will seem confrontational.
Post # 9
Maybe what she’s hoping to discuss is that she doesn’t think most people on the list will come; they’re just courtesy invites. I don’t know how somebody who knows nobody in-state found 60 people to invite to the shower 🙂
Post # 10
So, did you meet with her? Make a decision?
Post # 11
You definitely need to tell her that’s too many people. She is being unreasonable!! I’m sorry that she’s being so self-centered. 🙁 You are being a kind friend for hosting something but that doesnt’ mean she’s entitled to take advantage of you!!! I hope your meeting goes well. I’m curious to hear what happens!!
Post # 12
I think that is way too many people for a baby shower. I can understand if you wanted to invite couples and kids if the total number is under 30 or so.
I think its fair for you to bring it up and just ask how you guys can come to a resolution. Either she cuts down the list (i would say even to 40 or 50) or she needs to make it a woman and child shower. I think you also need to think about what type of activities you are going to do with all those people!!
Post # 13
We did meet and she’s letting me take off her coworkers, as they are already planning a work babyshower and I pointed out that inviting them to the second one could be seen as too much. So that takes off about 10 people, so we’re down to 50, but I couldn’t get her to budge on the guys being invited or the children – so as of right now it’s in my house and I’m really hoping some of these people stay home. My husband and I have discussed and we’re definitely going “cheaper” with the food than I normally would, we’re going to make it work since I made the offer without providing stipulations. But I’ve learned a lesson, and definitely won’t be offering to throw people parties anymore.
Post # 14
Awww Man!!! That’s a stinker that she won’t have it as all women…
– You can have special kid food, like hot dogs and chicken nuggets so that can keep cost down.
– In my neck of the woods we have PotLucks, even for things like showers…I’m not sure if that would work in your case because it doesn’t seem like you know a lot of the guests, but for the ones you do know, it wouldn’t hurt for you to ask them to help out… think large things like lasagna, salads, sandwhich platters… no offense to your friend, but you can’t get too fancy for a party of 50 people that you’re throwing all on your own!!
– Favor Decoration Idea: Life saver pacifiers. I’ve made them to have as necklaces and to put on cupcakes. I didn’t make the ones below- I googled the pic and the directions… the one below look a little messy, but mine never looked that way.
Post # 15
If you’re hoping some of the people stay home, why don’t you send the invitations out a little later than you normally would? That way some people will have things on their calendar already and won’t be able to come. Sneaky, but it could help you with the number of guests issue.
Post # 16
Love the lifesaver pops, so cute!
She has requested the invites go out at least 6 weeks in advance – to make sure everyone has time to plan (sigh….). I am tempted to stagger them and only do a few (ahem, hers) 6 weeks out!
Regarding food – she requested hot dogs and hamburgers, and I think we can buy everything we need for a cook out fairly inexpensively. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely willing to spend a few hundred dollars on food (plus gift, decor), it’s just definitely not going to be what I consider “traditional” shower food.