Post # 1
I just got an invitation for SILs second bridal shower. I got married last summer and she didn’t come to either of my showers or my bachelorette party, made no effort to let anyone know she wasn’t coming, made no mention of any of it to me, no card, no nothing. I was joining her family and it sure didnt’ seem like she cared. I really don’t feel like going to her showers or party. Why should I put that effort forward when she didn’t for me. Am I being really childish and should I just suck it up? Or is it ok if I don’t go since she didn’t put any effort forward for me?
I know this is stupid but I don’t know what to do and I’m kind of frustrated about it. Any advice or thoughts would be very appreciated! Thanks bees!
Post # 3
Personally, I would suck it up & be the bigger person as to not cause waves within family.
Post # 4
@ashkat: What does your DH think? Is it important to him that you go? If you don’t go, what are the repercussions (will she make future gatherings hell, or will it be no big deal?). It seems she didn’t support you and didn’t face any consequences, but sometimes it doesn’t work both ways. If you get along with your in laws and it would make them happy, then maybe you should just suck it up and go for the sake of your family relations. However, I am of the mind that if I don’t want to do something, I don’t. FI would never try and make me – we both feel that life is too short to spend fulfilling “obligations.” Then I’d never get to do anything I enjoy!
Post # 5
Honestly since I have the world’s crappiest SIL also, I would just suck it up, she is family. Be the bigger person.
Post # 6
@ashkat: As someone who wont be having a bridal shower, maybe I don’t quite understand the details, but my take on it is this:
If you want to go, go. If you think it’ll be fun. If you have mutual friends you want to see. If the food is going to be good. etc.
If you don’t want to go because you have other things you need to do, you just don’t quite care for your SIL, etc. You dont think you’ll have a good time. You wont LOOK like you’re having a good time. etc. Then don’t go.
However, I wouldn’t suggest not going just out of spite. Just because she may have been “inconsiderate” by not going to yours, doesn’t mean you have to act the same way back, ya know? Make the decision based off of what you really want to do… that’s my opinion. But just remember, I don’t live by the etiquette book, so you might hear otherwise from those that do 😉
Post # 7
You are not going for her, you are going for the greater good of your Family. That’s what I always tell myself 😉
Post # 8
@ashkat: Put this one in the “be the bigger person” column, and go to hers, and be super gracious. Don’t let her turn you into someone less nice than you really are.
Post # 9
I don’t know, it depends. My SIL isn’t my favorite person in the world at all, but she was there for all mod my wedding festivities, even though she managed the make them all about her. But I wouldn’t go to her wedding stuff whenever she is getting married and do the same thing. But I would be very upset if she didn’t come to anything of mine. I’m sometimes spiteful, so I would either go but bring no gift or just not go at all. You going makes you look like the bigger person but not getting anything is letting her know you are kind of pissed. However, depending on how his family runs, if it would cause major trouble, I’d just suck it up and go and buy her a crap gift.
Post # 10
Go. Resorting to her level of behavior won’t make it any better. If you go, you know that you were the classier one. As PP’s pointed out it’s probably better for your family, especially if your MIL is there.
Post # 11
Since you’re apart of their family now I would just go. Show up, get her a card – maybe something inexpensive off of her registry, and leave it at that. Perhaps when you’re leaving say, “This was so fun! I wish you could of been at my bridal shower!” ; ) With kindness, of course. Haha.
Post # 12
If you went to the first shower, you don’t have to go. I feel that one shower is plenty to attend. However, if you weren’t at her first shower, then you really have no choice but to paste on a smile and go to this one.
Post # 13
I don’t want to go…I don’t know any of her friends that would be at her first shower and I don’t actually know the extended family that are throwing the second shower. Both would just be awkward.
I don’t think she (or my MIL) would even realize I didn’t go cause she didn’t go to mine.
I’m crazy stubburn and don’t do things I don’t want to. I was just so upset last summer when none of my DH’s family seemed welcoming or care about me joining their family.
**My biggest piece of advice, know your fiance’s familiy before you get married!
Post # 14
don’t be petty. you look like a better person than her by going anyway
Post # 15
Also, she might have been in a bad place in her life then. Who knows? I probably shouldn’t be making excuses for her on her behalf, she could just be a sucky person, but that doesn’t mean you have to harbor all of those bad feelings! I’m sure you’re thinking about how mean she was to you way more than she is concerned with whether or not you go to her events. Hang in there! 😀
Post # 16
@ashkat: Honestly, I wouldn’t go, but that’s just me. 🙂 When I didn’t attend bridal or baby showers, I just sent a gift. (I hadn’t seen these people in years.)