Post # 1
One of the perks in moving (at least for me) is to be able to decorate our new place. I moved in with my Fi and although his furniture is nice for a single guy, it really isn’t my taste at all! I can’t imagine most of in our new home. He’s given me free reign with deocrating, but I’m struggling with 1) feeling bad about replacing everything 2) not wanting to spend so much – we will be putting 20% down on a house! 3) Wondering how his Mother will react when she sees all the things she’s picked out for him is completely gone.
Today I had a brilliant idea of selling some of his old stuff on Blocket.se (like Craigslist). I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier because we have another month before our move and a few weeks after that before our lease expires. Selling stuff now makes more sense since our current apartment is located in a lot bigger city than where we’re moving.
As for watching our budget: I found some really nice (and cheap) real wooden furniture on the site. We can technically buy things now and move it in all together! For instance, we can go 2nd hand on shelves, cabinets, and antique chairs I can reupholster.
All of this sounds great to me, but I haven’t told Fi yet. He’s not that sentimental when it comes to furniture but I’m wondering if I’m being inconsiderate and impractical. Some of his stuff was chosen by his Mom (for instance she’s made him a few curtains) and I DON’T like any of it. I want to replace all of it! At the least put it in a room not used often, but even then it would be a room I just don’t like.
Anyone else in my postion? How did you handle it? Did it come to a compromise? Am I being inconsiderate? Impractical? Please vote.
Post # 3
Well, while it was nice of Fi’s mom to help him decorate, there comes a time when you decorate as a couple. Just because my mom gives me things, if they are ugly and my husband says so (and i agree), we don’t put them up! So if your FI gives you free reign, run the ideas by him and see what he says. Tell him it’s not your taste, find out what his is, and try to mesh it togther. If there’s a chair he likes, find a way to keep it.
But i hear you on the ugly+money thing. We have some ugly furniture but don’t have the money laying around to just replace it all. I recovered a hideously gingham orange chair though, and bought some stain, and hopefully i can do that and fix it up next weekend. So think about doing stuff like that!
Also–the ugly stuff can totally go in spare bedrooms. Our spare bedrooms have some ugly things in there (some broken drawers, too!) but i don’t want to replace them b/c of the cost.
Post # 4
Just ask him what he thinks! For instance, when I moved to my first apartment, I bought all this Ikea furniture. Not especially nice, but I did splurge on a sale desk from Pottery Barn. R and I kept that furniture when we moved into our current apartment with roommates, but now that we’re getting our own place, we’re listing some of it on Craigslist. It was my idea, but R is so excited about it because now we have “us” furniture.
I don’t think he’ll mind, and this way he can pick out specific items he may want to keep, while compromising on others. It can work out really well, too – we’re breaking even on that desk I bought and swapping it out for a new West Elm one.
Post # 5
Talk to FI first but otherwise, I think selling off his furniture before the move is a great idea – less stuff to move as well. Lucky (or unlucky) for me, FI had nothing when I moved to Germany to live with him. He had a brilliant idea to donate all of his furniture before he left to spend a year in the US (this is one of those things that only made senes to him because he planned to return after a year so I’m not sure why he didn’t think he would need things). It was expensive and we were happy to pick up a few hand me downs from his parents otherwise we slowly furnished our apt. from Ikea and some classifieds and it’s our stuff. Eventually, we plan to move back to the US so we have not invested in furniture but it is still expensive to furnish an apartment!
Post # 6
your fi’s mom doesn’t have to live there, you do. as long as your fi is ok with it, i’d change it! when i moved in with my husband, he also said i could do whatever i wanted to his place and at first i felt bad and asked about every single little thing i did… but as time went on i realized he wasn’t lying to make me happy… he really doesn’t care. he was a little sentimental about some of his pictures he had up- but they were obviously for a boy’s place and/or they just plain freaked me out (he had a photo of a tornado above the bed. i’ve been in a tornado and i don’t want to see that in my room!) so we still have those things… but in a closet stored away.
Post # 7
The Fi doesn’t really care so much. For instance, as soon as I moved in, I’d taken down the hideous curtains in our bedroom that he seemed to love (that his Mom sewed together) and he was completely fine with it. It’s more his Mom that I’m worried about.
For the record, the Fi has free reign on our bathyard furniture and BBQ. He’s already fallen in love with some big-o chairs he says he can fall asleep in.
Fi was raised to believe that the woman should have say on the decor, mainly because his Dad is totally like this and is happily verbal about it. The logic is, “I don’t care either way, so she can have it any way she wants.” Thank goodness for his Dad! I <3 FFIL! But I guess I just don’t wanna seem impractical because the stuff Fi has is totally fine and I don’t want to make FMIL feel bad about getting rid of some of the things she’s helped picked-out.
Post # 8
I think there is a huge difference in the practicallity of changing out furniture (sofas, etc) and curtains (decor). Decor is something I change out all the time for fun and I totally agree that you should do this as part of the move into a house as a couple. However, the practical side of me says that swapping out furniture just for the sake of getting new stuff might not be wise unless you can recoup some of that money by selling the old stuff.
Post # 9
@artbee I totally LOLed when I read about the tornado because it’s such a random guy thing to have a picture of one of those! Thanks for sharing! It made me feel better.
@caszos Half of me says – DOO ITTT! It’s your house, you have the right to have it the way you want. And the other part of me thinks I’m being soooo impractical! Sigh. But Fi says he didn’t pay much for his furniture anyways, so if we can sell it, it’d be all the better. But I can’t shake off the feeling like I’m splurging, even if I don’t replace it with “new” stuff (2nd hands).
@lilyfaith Oooooh US furniture! I like the sound of that!
@ejs4y8 You’re right, it’s not his Mom’s house. I should just take a stand no matter what she may think. Fi doesn’t have much furniture to begin with, thank goodness! Ha! And I already know of the things he thinks is nice. What I’m concerned about is getting stuck with the stuff since it’ll be harder to sell once we move.
Post # 10
This is how I would do it: I would say, I can spend double what ever I earn back from selling. So if I get $200 from selling stuff then I can spend $400 on new stuff (really only $200 out of pocket). This way you have the inentive to get rid of the old stuff (plus maybe some other stuff laying around) and you stick to a budget.
Post # 11
Although its tempting, I don’t think you need to buy all new furniture just because youre moving. I don’t know about you but when we FINALLY close on our house we won’t have a ton of extra money to replace all our furniture (I wish we did though!!). So right now I am trying to fix up the stuff we do have. For example, the ugly black bookshelves that the boy had, I am painting white so they look clean and new. We are trying to upgrade from our “college” furniture but piece by piece. Just remember that youll be in the house for years and eventually it will look just the way you imagined,but it wont happen overnight.
Curtains and deocorations are different though. I know we can’t really use any of the curtains from our apartment in the house, because we have different amount of windows in each room.
Post # 12
You don’t have to replace everything all at once. I would go room by room, starting with the ones you care about the most, and meanwhile his ugly stuff can furnish the rooms you don’t care about. That way when his mom comes to visit she might see that you’ve replaced the living room set, but all the office furniture is the same or something. Then just make upgrades over time. No one expects to hold on to their first set of furniture for the rest of their lives. So if you make it a situation where you are slowly upgrading rather than starting with a clean slate, you should be fine.
Also, I would talk to him about it and see if there are any pieces that he likes better than others. Then if he has something like a favorite bookcase, you can try to work that into the new design so there are still elements of the old mixed in.
Post # 13
Have a yard sale =]
His mom’ll get over it. Surely she doesn’t REALLY think you all have the same taste, right?
Post # 14
Yeah I wouldn’t replace it all at once – just because it could be totally overwhelming – and leave you unable to unpack things if you’re waiting on the right furniture.
I’d start with the main rooms and then move to bedrooms once those are completed. I seriously doubt he will mind. A lot of guys don’t really care so long as they don’t have to deal with a million pillows on their bead.
My FI mom had an antique store so his whole house was decorated with stuff that’s not my taste. I took over the living room immediately with my stuff but am in less of a hurry to replace the stuff in the guest bedrooms since it would just be taking away from money I can spend on the wedding right now.
Post # 15
First off, I just wanna say that I really appreciate hearing all your thoughts! Thank you Bees!
I’d like to add that all of the furniture I want to replace are all cheap-o college/single guy furniture. Case in point, IKEA bookshelves in our computer room. Fi thinks they’re cheap too and doubts anyone would buy them! Then there’s our couch – from afar it looks kinda nice, it’s leather, and relatively small … then you sit on it and realize it gives no back support, once your back starts hurting, you’ll know what I mean. There’s also black IKEA chairs and IKEA plant stands. We live in Sweden … he bought a ton of IKEA stuff! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE IKEA, but I don’t want mismatching Ikea everything in our home! Yes, it’s mismatching! I care more that it’s mismatching than anything else.
Our bedroom furniture is brand new (also from Ikea but it’s nice) so all of that stays. But the white dresser that was once his sisters (when she was a kid)? The TV stand that doesn’t fit into our new living space? This one is actually nice but won’t match what I envisioned of our living room, and it’s also too big so I guess I lucked out!
So I guess I don’t really want to replace every single thing, but what if most of it won’t fit into anything? Where’s the line between being practical and stuffing things into a room for the sake of just keeping it?
Post # 16
My FI doesn’t care too much about furniture as long as it’s not frilly/pink. I think you might be being a little impractical but not really inconsiderate…just becaues I know that my FI really wouldn’t care.
Maybe replace a few of the ugliest things and then hold off/save up for the other stuff later on down the road. I’m going through the same thing right now with FI moving in, thankfully he doesn’t have a lot of stuff, and what he does have most is going to be sold. Some things we are keeping out of necessity like his dresser, but it will later be replaced.