Am I being inconsiderate?

posted 5 months ago in Guests
  • poll: Is it inconsiderate for me to ask people to show up on a weekday.
    No, its your day do what you want. : (132 votes)
    43 %
    Yes, it is rude/ doesn't matter cost. : (102 votes)
    33 %
    Yes, but i get why. : (68 votes)
    22 %
    I am not sure. : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6374 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    You can have a daytime, weekday wedding but you will get a lot of declines. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    4752 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

    If you are in 20k worth of debt I would say do not take on another 10k of debt for a party. If I were you, I would either go to the courthouse or have a small family/close friends ceremony in the backyard and then once you are out of debt do the big blow out wedding.

    Tbh, I wouldn’t take a day off work to go to a weekday 9 to 5 wedding. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    You can have your wedding in the middle of a tuesday night if you want. It’s your wedding and you’re footing the bill. You just can’t be upset if people don’t come. As long as you accept that a HUGE portion of your guest list maybe won’t attend, then sure!  

    Post # 5
    Member
    1555 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Virginia Kingsford :  Why don’t you just elope? Or have an at-home reception with less people? Or if you guys only include your parents you can go out for a nice dinner for much less.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4419 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    While I can’t see the sense in paying $10k for a party when you’re $20k in debt, if you’re going to do it, I think it would be better to cut the guest list, find a smaller venue and have it on the weekend. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2232 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’d decline.  It sounds lke you cannot afford to have a wedding for 100 peoplei f you are 20,000 in debt. Bad idea all around.

    IfI were 20 thou indebt Id be having panic attacks and looking for a way to pay it off before incurring more debt.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1174 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

    I would not be having a wedding while I’m in debt! Why don’t you wait until the debt is paid? Or elope

    Post # 9
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t think it’s rude to have it on a weekday, you’ll just have to accept that a lot of people won’t be able to make it. As long as you’re gracious about that, you’re not being rude.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2994 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    Yes, its inconsiderate and incredibly inconvenient for your guests. Not only do you want to have a weekday wedding but also from 9 am – 5 pm, is that correct? So anyone working Mon-Fri would be required to take the entire day off. If it were evening at least they might get away with a half day or come after work. Please stop with this idea that there are certain things others *normally* pay for, thats just not how it works for most anymore. A lot of us here are paying for the wedding without assistance.

    Post # 11
    Member
    465 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Honestly, I’d cut the guest list to just a few essential people…maybe parents, best friends, and siblings. Buy a dress, hire a photographer, do a tiny ceremony, or courthouse and take everyone out for a nice dinner.

    If I received an invitation for a wedding in the middle of the day on a Wednesday, there’s no way I would be able to (or try to, honestly) go. And (no offense) my interpretation would be that the bride/groom was looking for a gift without actually wanting to have to pay to host people, since they’d know 2/3 of people wouldn’t be able to come.

    Post # 12
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Farm

    I think that you can elope and pay down the debt. If you want to have a wedding you could always do a courthouse wedding in most places they can accomodate a small group on a Friday or Saturday night. It could be a close grou of family and friends making it more intimate. You could do a reception at a nice restaurant and still have a photographer take pictures and have a cake at the restaurant.  You would spend way less than 10k and you could put the additional funds on the debt. If you want to wait a year to get married. Take the 10k and put it on the debt. Then start saving for the wedding and have a wedding towards the latter part of the year.

    Post # 13
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee

    Generally I am very pro “do what you want” but even I wouldn’t do this. Elope and have a small party after. Many people would decline an invite for your current plan so you’d be wasting your $ anyways

    Post # 15
    Member
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    A wedding invitation is not a summons so it’s not rude per se, but it’s very inconvenient. Unless you were a sibling or a best friend I would decline. It’s very unlikely you will get anything close to your hundred person attendance and I’d really question why you were trying to have such a large party in the middle of the week like that. Since you know that most people wouldn’t be able to attend, inviting that many comes across as gift grabby, even if it’s not intended that way. 

    Agree with the others that you should plan a much smaller wedding. Oh, check with any of your VIPs first to make sure they can attend on your date and time, like parents, siblings or any best friends. Because I think planning on wedding on a date that those people find challenging is bordering on rude. 

    Also, I get that you guys are paying for it without any help, but so are a lot of brides. So it’s not that unique to your situation. There’s no point in continuing to mention it, because it terms of treating people well and not being rude, it’s not a good justification. 

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