Post # 1
Back in October, my boyfriend said he was going to propose. Told me he’d looked at rings and everything. Was saving money to buy the ring. He has the money now, and has had the money since December. No proposal. The problem is, I can never go more than about 2 or 3 weeks before I have some sort of melt-down and freak out about it. Every time I do, he says that he’s going to ask but that he doesn’t want to ask when we’re not getting along about it or when he feels like I’m pressuring him. He keeps telling me that he’s “sure” that he’s going to and he wants it to be a surprise. But it keeps getting “put off”, usually by me throwing a fit (my words.) The problem is that I don’t know if I’m being insecure or if I’m being strung along. Sometimes I think that I am putting off the proposal and sometimes I think, it shouldn’t matter how I’m acting, if he really wanted to ask, he would.
We just talked about it again the other night and he said that he wants to ask when we’re on the upswing, not when we’re arguing about it. He also admitted that there have been lots of times that we’ve been on the upswing but he wasn’t able to pull the trigger on it. Part of me thinks, just keep my mouth shut and wait for it, and part of me thinks, yea… he hasn’t done it on the upswing because he keeps “finding other stuff to do” (stalling?)
My friends and family tell me if I would have shut up about it, it probably would have happend by now. They’re sure of it… But they don’t “know” this, he hasn’t said anything to anybody about it, they’re just speculating.
Anyone see situations where the guy said he was going to, and never did?
Post # 3
I think you’re being insecure (to reply to your title). Getting the ring is great, but would you want to ever feel like you’d pressured him into it by having a freak-out? He loves you – he’s with you! Trust him and relax. I know it’s hard to do, but it sounds like he just wants you both to feel like the occasion is happy and stress-free.
Post # 4
I agree with @ lilacwire…. I was doing the same thing there for a while and I had shut up about it since January and now HE is brining it up… We had a talk last night and I asked him about how i havent brought it up at all and how I know he needs the money for the ring but he said it has been great that I havent brought it up and it has helped him want to do it sooner. Maybe your man will get the hint if you just stay quite for more then a couple of weeks like I did. He also may have a plan in his head like my SO does, he even told me last night that it is on a certain day, I asked him what if something happens and ruins it for that particualr day? He said nothing will get in my way of proposing on that day. I wonder what day now? soon I hope… but what I am trying to say is mine has a certain day soon where he is planning on doing it and yours might to.. just have to relax like I had learned to do and it will happen for you.
Post # 5
I was in your situation…and I really just had to have self control, and remind myself every day that he will propose when I calm the hell down. Eventually, he did propose, and it was after about a month and a half of no outbursts. Just vent to us on WB, and let things happen on his end naturally 🙂
Post # 6
I wouldn’t even say insecure, I would say pushy. He wants it to be a surprise, and you keep asking about it. That’s like being in the car with kids in the back, saying “are we there yet” “are we there yet” “are we there yet” every 5 minutes. Its aggravating and causes everyone involved to get upset. So I would say RELAX! Find something to do. Find a hobby, join a Zumba class (its soo much fun!).
I know you really want it, but you have to stop bringing it up, it only pushes him back from doing it.
Post # 7
I would stop talking about it, let it just happen, if he has the money, let the man be and do it his way, stop freaking out about and and having fits. The more you pressure him the longer it will be, just enjoy being happy together and everything else will fall in to place.
Post # 8
DH and I are home together, and I read this to him. He said “I think proposing on the upswing is BS”. Then my love quoted my favorite quote by Marilyn Monroe: “If you can’t handle me at worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” He thinks he’s delaying. He said tell him you need a break so that you can figure out where you stand and if you’re willing to wait for him. And actually go somewhere for a night a least. He said this will make him make a decision. He will have to think about what he wants while you’re gone. Wait for him to call.
I would have told you to stop nagging him. What do I know I guess!
Post # 9
@mwitter80: Agreed, and it is nice to get your mans opinion on this for her, we need other mens opinions because we dont know how men think and never will.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
How is it supposed to be a surprise if he’s told you he’s saved for it and he’s definitely doing it? He set you up for failure. Of course you’re anxious now. Had he never said anything, then he could have his way of a surprise. But now the cat’s totally out of the bag and I think it’s just a little cruel to “punish” you by telling you to basically behave better.
Post # 11
It’s really difficult when you are waiting with the degree of certainty that you have. I suggest you wait say 3 months and not mention this ONCE. That is adequate time for him to sort his end out so if he hasnt done it by then or mentioned it then you have cause to think he is stringling you along. Give the guy a chance to invoke the element of suprise!
Hang in there x
Post # 12
I think it depends on the guy, mine hates nagging and doesn’t respond well to it and honestly I don’t either. I am a teacher and when my kids whine and whine I ignore it. Yes he should love you at your best and worst, but this sounds like nagging to get your way. I wouldn’t continue to do it. Maybe wait for him to say it or wait a month or 2 and then say something about a timeline. but give it a rest and he can’t use that excuse anymore.
Post # 13
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I’ve definitely been there!!! My advice is to find something else to focus on. When I was feeling this way I realized that the pending engagement/wedding was the only thing that I was thinking about and that was causing anxiety. Once I realized that I picked two things that didn’t have to do with the engagement and focused on them instead. I started running and looking for races to run in instead of venues for our wedding (LOL). I also threw myself into cooking. I had always cooked for us before but this time I made it my mission to find new recipes and expose us to different (usually healthier) kinds of cooking. Focusing on those things really took my mind off of it!! I definitely still had low points but there were a lot less of them and I did a much better job of keeping them out of my relationship with FI so that he wouldn’t feel like I was nagging/pushing.
If I were you I’d try to do something like that, try it out for a while. Give yourself a goal of how long you’ll go without emotionally breaking down to SO also. For example, I told myself that I was going to go 2 months without nagging and I’d go all out with my new focuses for those 2 months. With my new hobbies I was happier, able to focus just on the basics of my relationships and I didn’t feel like a psychotic girlfriend.
I know that it’s hard, feel free to vent here whenever you need to! A lot of us have felt the same way 🙂
Post # 14
since your friends and family, who know you in real life, are telling you to shut up about this, you’re probably talking/nagging too much.
to be completely honest, NOTHING you do will cause him to propose. he just will decide when he wants to and will just do it.
if he doesn’t, do you really want to marry someone who you had to CONVINCE AND NAG into proposing? you deserve someone who is so in love and so ready, financially and maturity wise, that they are going to do it of their own accord.
honestly, i feel like the girls who are nagging and being control freaks over a proposal ARE ruining it. don’t try to control it. he should be man enough to handle this all on his own.
Post # 15
@mwitter80: I agree with your husband unfortunately. Good luck OP. Melt downs get you no where and you need to get in control of that.
Post # 16
@Elleymae: Believe me, I feel for you! I was in a similar situation…constantly thinking about it, stressing that it would never happen, etc. I would bring it up almost daily (which my BF found super annoying I’m sure). Finally, he told me that I really needed to stop bringing it up all the time because he wanted it to be a surprise and because he did not want to do it because he felt pressured.
So I shut my mouth. It was hard. Very hard!
Finally, the day arrived…I was surprised and of course, happy! In hindsight, I see where he was coming from with my constant bringing it up. It’s hard to see that beforehand though!
Just keep biting your tongue!!! It will happen soon! Fingers crossed.