(Closed) am i being insensitive?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: am i being silly
    yes : (17 votes)
    33 %
    no : (34 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9561 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    You’re not being insensitive at all, I understand, if you’re just moving the wedding date up for the loan, I would want to wait too, and celebrate it when you were planning on it. You should still be able to get a loan not being married yet 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think a lot of unmarried couples buy houses together. If you want your wedding in 2014 then just go ahead and buy now regardless of the loan process. It’s a pain no matter what to be honest!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My SO and I bought our first house 6mths ago…and we are getting married in May 2014 😀

    Post # 6
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    Why can’t you buy a home before you get hitched? We are planning too. Plenty of couples I know have. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Why do you want to get married in 2014? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    12569 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m confused about why you say you don’t want to be his wife before 2014.  It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

    You definitely can get a house together before you’re married, so I wouldn’t worry about that too much!

    Post # 9
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee

    @abbie017:  +1.

    I get needing to wait, but why don’t you want to be married until 2014?

    Post # 10
    Member
    5425 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    FI and I just bought our first house together.  We had no issues we are not married.  I dont think it will help you to be married.  The bank is more concerned about your financials then your legality.

    Post # 11
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    i told him if we did get married in the court house in 2013 i really didn’t want to celebrate it i feel like then no one will take our wedding seriously.

    he said what does it matter he wants me to be his wife right now that we love eachother and it should not make our wedding any less special

     

    It won’t make your wedding any less special if you get married now.  Because your wedding will be NOW.  What it will make you is dishonest if you get married now and then *pretend* to get married in 2014, which is what I *think* your FI is proposing, if I read your question correctly.  Or, if you get married now and tell everyone but then have a *big* wedding in 2 years and tell everyone?  Yes, no one will take that “wedding” seriously…. because it’s not a wedding.  You could do a vow renewal, though.  And have a big party with all your friends and family in 2014.  You could also elope now, rather than go to the JOP.

    People do timelines and make decisions for all sorts of reasons – and if you guys WANT to move up your wedding date and get married sooner rather than later…. I think there is validity to that.  I’m not sure why you want to wait??????

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @HisNightOwl2014:  This does not make sense, I’m sorry. Your marital status has nothing to do with your loan approval. It’s against the law to discriminate against someone for their race, gender, marital status, religion, disability and so forth. Maybe they said something about your current debt to income ratio. I handle loans everyday for a living and I know this industry like the back of my hand. If you were told that, money is the least of your concerns because you have a fat discrimination lawsuit. Many unmarried people buy property together. All that matters are your credit scores, your prior two years income and your current debts. You will get preapproved based on those factors. It does not matter if it’s husband and wife, sister and cousin, Bob and Steve, Ahmed and Pryia, Susan and Lisa or brother and sister buying the home together. Do some research and educate yourself before you make the biggest purchase of your life. I don’t want you to get taken advantage of. Good luck.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Who told you that the banks would give you a loan faster if you are married?  I have never heard of this… FWIW, we bought a house while we were engaged, no trouble getting a loan.  As long as the two of you can afford a house, it should not be an issue.

    Post # 14
    Member
    8889 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I’ve never heard of this bank thing either.  My DH and I got a house last December before we were married, didn’t change a thing.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    You obviously picked your wedding date for a reason, you had your heart set on a larger affair, and you realize that by getting married in the courthouse now and then having a “wedding” that isn’t a wedding in 2 years is wrong, you wouldn’t get gifts or cards, and on top of that many more guests would skip the whole thing since it’s not the actual wedding. 

    If you have your heart set on doing it as you previously planned, in front  of your whole family, then stick to the original plan. No reason you can’t still buy a house together, mortgage approval is mortgage approval and all that matters is your finances.

    Post # 16
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m confused.

    Sorry, if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you and FI? 

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