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So here's the deal, my FI's brother got married last month. We had to travel 12 hours (there and back total), give up our weekend plus 2 work vacation days, and pay for our travel expenses. In addition we gave them a nice monetary wedding gift. Now I have no qualms about anything we had to do to get to the wedding, it's his brother and my soon to be family, so of course we would do it. But my issue was the Thank You cards.
Granted, we received a card within a month of the wedding which is excellent, however the part that bothered me was that the card was not a personal note to us. Maybe I'm a just old fashioned in the etiquette realm, but it really really bothered me that the note was a few lines printed on a mailing label sticker. Basically these stickers were placed in all their cards and sent out to guests. Generic.
What's more is the cards didn't start out with example "Dear Sue and Jim" nor were they signed by the bride and groom. Basically, a label stuck in blank cards.
I feel like they could have cared less about their guests being there for them. I feel like just another card they had to send because it's appropriate to send thank yous. Lastly, I feel like our presence there really didn't matter, even if my FI was in their wedding AND the groom's brother.
Am I wrong for this? I mentioned it to my FI, but he's a guy and doesn't get half of the things people should or shouldn't do with weddings.
There was a very similar vent posted a few days ago. That worries me...does no one write normal thank-yous anymore??
Long story short, I agree with you. I would be irked. Some bees may not find it "that bad" and others will tell you to be thankful you even got a thank you (which is good) but really. Can't even sign their names and write in the name of the recipient? O_o
It's clearly tacky, but I wouldn't let it bother me. It's not like it's representing you or your FI!
I think you need to let it go. It's still technically a thank you. While their thank you card reminds me of my angst with holiday cards of the same nature (generic, already pre-printed), for them it's what worked. Some people don't even get a thank you!
Are there some other issues with your FBIL and his wife that make their lack of care in thanking their guests seem like a more annoying offense than normally? Or is it more because you bent over backwards and feel underappreciated....
I am venting being as though I got the card just a few hours ago when I got home from work. It's not something I would hold against the bride and groom in the future. It just hit me in an unpleasant way.
We've never had any issues with the couple, everyone gets along fine, and we hang out when everyone is in town.
And I get that writing Thank Yous cards is tedious and not a lot of fun. I'm greatful for getting a some sort of acknowledgement. But, I don't know, I just didn't expect the bare effort.
Hmm that is very rude. I cannot believe they didnt even sign the cards... I mean even mass letters sent out by big corporations are genaric letters but have signatures. Idk that would bother me too, but I am picky about my thank yous. It is only appropriate (to me) to hand write your thank yous or if youare goint to type them bc your handwriting sucks or whatever then at least make it so it is personal to those people!! Oh well I agree you just have to let it go, and show em how its supposed to be when your wedding rolls around! lol
You're right - it seems impersonal, and it's easy for most of the brides on this board to share your horror/distaste/dismay/general lack of displeasure with the situation. Thank you cards should be written with a true expression of thanks, an actual heartfelt message of appreciation. They ought to be handwritten and mailed promptly. This is what we know is proper.
However, a big part of etiquette is to be gracious, forgiving, and to never make another person feel uncomfortable by pointing out her shortcomings and flaws.
Aspasia wrote a very nice reminder of this in the last thread on this topic. You might want to look for it if you want an opinion to help keep you grounded. - Sometimes letting go and forgiving feels good after you're done venting for a bit. After all; you went to the wedding and gave the gift because you WANTED to, and because the bride and groom are family.
@AmeliaBedelia: I hand-wrote and signed our thank yous! In less than a week after our wedding! ;)
@PrettyRoyalT: I agree it is impersonal and frankly just rude. It says a lot about them...
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: For the win! ;) I'll probably be like that too, seeing as I'm the girl that gets a card in the mail and immediately sits down and writes a thank you. Or comes home from Graduation and writes thank-yous before doing anything else (read: partying, lol).
As far as other thoughts, I mean it's not like I hold it against people...I just think it's something that irks some of us upon receiving it. It just leaves the recipient feeling a bit let-down maybe?
Wow they could have at least signed it. At least you got a thank you card, we've been to 5 weddings in the past 2 years and only got thank yous from 2 of them. Dont let it bother you.
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: Me too! As soon as we got back from our mini-moon, we opened the gifts and I sent cards out immediately. I handwrote them all and made sure to thank the specific person for the specific gift they gave and how we planned to use it/what we liked about it. It seemed to take forever, but I actually got thank yous in return for my thank yous!
I also made DH sign each and every one. He complained until I pointed out that I wrote the whole note, address, and wrote the list of who gave what. He shut up after that.
my first thought is "tacky" then "rude" then...what am i going to do that other people consider tacky and rude when to me its just a way of cutting corners?
I personally am very excited to spend a lot of time on my thank you cards and write personal notes to everyone:)
Definitely rude. My FI's brother didn't even send out thank you cards! They're such opposites. My FI even writes ME thank you cards when I get him gifts. He writes them to everyone. My parents were shocked when he mailed them one after his birthday. FI's brother is selfish though and his wife is pretty dull so I didn't expect much from them.
Yes, this is rude. If you are getting "too many" gifts for your wedding to write individual thank you notes, you invited too many people to the wedding. Every one of those people worked for the money they gave you (or for the money they spent on your gift), and you should be willing to spend a few minutes thanking them.
I think it is very rude. I am old school when it comes to thank you cards. I always send one for every gift in a very timely manner. I love getting thank you cards to, because I love to see what they have to say about the gift.
While I do find it impresonal I certainly understand the urge to just get some stickers and be done with it. I am planning on hand writing my thank you notes and personalizing each but that is my decision. Generally I wish that people who don't want to send thank you notes would just not send them at all. If I'm close enough to a person to care if thy liked my gift I'll ask them about it, otherwise I personally just don't really care. If I got that note I'd probably be momentarily perturbed and then move on. However, I personal don't really like receiving thank you cards so I just have a hard time understanding thank you card etiquette.
On the bright side it could be worse! At least they mailed theirs, I was at a wedding once where they just had a stack of thank you notes as you left that said "please take one" and that was all she wrote. lol
I don't find it to be "rude" per say... it's still a thank you. I do think that it's impersonal and personally, I wouldn't do it.
I must say I'm intrigued by the situation. I understand it bothers you cause it's something you're used to and you expect, you have certain standards as for what's proper to do and how's it to be done.
I really don't know what the deal with thank you card is. When I first heard about it I tought it was something some people do because they want to, not because it's a must.
In my culture there's no such things as thank you notes, you thank your guests for attending during the party and that's it and no one ever gives it a second thought.
When I heard about this I just think in how much work it must be, but I guess it's cause I'm just not used to the idea.
They definetly should have written a personal note. at least to those who traveled to their wedding. But, you should probably consider that it might have not even occured to them at all. Yes, it's possible. Doesn't make them horrible people, or ungrateful...just a mere lapse in judgment.ettiquite. If I were you I'd be irked too (heck, I don't think I've recieved a thank you card after attending a wedding in years) but I'd try not to take it personally. They simply don't have the couth that you are acustomed to.
My MOH was married last year and she did the same thing. I was her MOH and thought to myself 'geez, you could have written a personal thank you to your MOH at least?!' It just screamed tacky to me. I would never say this to her though because I think it's more a case of it not occuring to her that it's rude.
As pp have said, don't let it eat at you. But, I like the advice of Dear Prudence on thank you notes. Basically, if someone is not going to let you know that they recieved your gift and that it (or the thought) was appreciated you can feel comfortable not giving one.
I've been seeing these a lot lately. FMIL got one and nearly blew a gasket about how rude it was. Another friend who's getting married soon got one from a friend of hers for a destination wedding- she was pretty annoyed about it too, even though the card is pretty and all.
I wouldn't do it. I think it's tacky. But it's the new trend. Hopefully it will blow over soon. I don't plan on doing the matchy-matchy thank you note thing- I'll probably buy a batch of really basic cards from Target or Christmas Tree Shops or something and hand write each one. Number one it's more personal, number two it saves money. Win-win, IMO.
I think this is a hideous trend. I agree with PPs who say that it's very rude but I'd almost go a step further and say that I'd rather not have a thank you note at all than have one that has had no thought to it.
I'll admit that at times I've forgotten to send thank you notes, but I do always try and I always say thank you profusely in person.
SO TACKY!! why even bother with the postage?! Would've been better to send a personal note via text message.
Maybe this is the southern girl in me, but I would think their mothers or grandmothers would get that card, have a stroke, then set them straight.
Thanks Bees! I'm not going to hold it against them in the future. I'm going to continue to be myself and be thoughtful.
Personalization through handwriting is such a sweet (and free) touch in our ever fast-paced, technical, and microwave-ready world. If anything, this situation has inspired me to make my future thank you notes to be super thoughtful!
I think it's rude and I would be pissed about it. I guess I just don't understand why so many people are skipping the thank you notes now, but it just stings when I spend time and money (of which I have neither right now) and never even get a thank you.
No, you are right-on.. that is definitely very tacky. I remember back when I was a teenager and my parents received a thank-you card from a wedding that was just a generic mail-out and my Mom telling me how that when I got married I was never to do that! Haha. I just think a thank-you note is the smallest, tiniest gesture a couple can make to let guests who shared their day with them.. because as you said, it can be a HUGE and expensive effor to come to the wedding! I would rather receive a hand-written post-it note than a mass mailed thank you card.
VERY rude!!!! They may as well have not even sent anything!!!
the last 2 weddings I went to I did not get a thank you card.. for one of them it was my childhood friend and my fiance and I drove 5 hours to get there and had to pay for hotel, and bought them a wedding present as well. she never sent us a thank you card... it never bugged me..
i think thank you cards are a little silly, I plan on giving them out but mehh no big deal if I don't get them.. she told me in person how happy she was that I could make it and she invited me for dinner at her family's house while I was in town, so that was enough for me.. weddings are stressful, cut them some slack :)
I think you are right on. But I've been accused of being old-fashioned and picky, so...lol.
I think this is something so simple to get annoyed over. The favors are a thank you as well. I'm sorry, but I'm not sitting there and writting out 150 thank yous. I have 2 kids, a job, and a house to take care of. I planned on going to walmart and printing out a picture card that says something like "Thank you! From Mr. and Mrs... so and so" This is one of those things that people get mad over, that's really stupid.
Its something that you shouldn't worry about different people do things differently - if they choose not to write thank you cards that is their business -
I completely agree with you and think you have every right to be annoyed. It is alarming to me how many people don't understand the importance of a well written thank you card. I got a Facebook message as thank you for their wedding gift which was pricey. At least that's better than the wedding that I attended last January. Still waiting on an acknowledgement or a thank you for their lovely gift. My fiance and I send thank you notes out the day we receive an engagement present and plan to have our wedding thank you notes in the mail no later than 2 weeks after the wedding.
I would be a irritated if that happened to me too. I took the time to hand write in every single card and sign our names. Totally personalized, sometimes painful, but completely necessary!
As much as I prefer personal thank-you's, and will do this myself....I really wouldn't be upset if I received something of this nature myself as I understand people are often very busy these days, especially before and after weddings. But then I'm probably just ridiculously laid back lol.
I've been to three weddings since May and have yet to receive one thank you note from any of them. One wedding was my FI's brother - we cooked several dishes, donated booze and decorated in 100 degree weather for their backyard affair (FI also gave a generous check). In addition, I've attended and given generousseveral showers, bachelorettes, etc. Nothing.
At this point, I'd be thankful if I got an unsigned thank you note. I realize that some people are getting photo thank you notes and those take longer. I'm not holding my breath though.
I went to a wedding for one of my cousin's a while back. My invitation was included with my parents invitation, like a child! (I am 25, & haven't lived at home in 7 years, AND my SO wasn't listed on the invite) I ended up going to the wedding, and bringing them a gift just from SO and I. (I thought I would be the better person here ignore the fact that the ticked me off). I never got a thank you card from them! I was one of the few people to actually buy them a gift (most did cards) and I traveled the farthest to get there AND could have easily went in with a gift under my parents (since my invitation was with them). Not getting a Thank You from them was the rudest I have ever seen!
My brother and his wife got married last spring, and their thank you cards were a generic picture of them, electronically signed with no personalization what so ever. It was kind of annoying, but none the less, I at least got one! I would take a generic thank you over no thank you any day!
The last wedding I went to they did something similar, they printed one of their wedding photos and put underneath the photo, "Thank you for being part of our day" so it was the same message to all the guests, I guess I didn't even notice it not being a hand-written note. It wasn't a big deal to me.
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