- 5 years ago
I’m always the ‘listener’ in any relationship – with my mum, my brother, my wider family and my friends. I don’t often like to burden people with my problems but I’m always the first to call or text a friend when i know there’s something they’d like to talk about. Don’t get me wrong, I do talk about myself, but *touch wood* I haven’t had any major crises in my adult life that I’ve needed help getting over, and when I do talk about myself I’m more likely to do it when I get the green light from those around me via questions etc (not often in my case).
My relationship with my best friend has always been very much like this – she’s had a terrible time, bless her heart. Two New Years ago her fiance broke up with her and over the following months there was a bit of on-and-off between them and she found out he had cheated repeatedly etc etc. It took her about a year and a half to move on from him (when he cheated on her for a final time and left her for another woman) in which time no one else wanted to know about it anymore and I was the only one who stuck by her and continually helped her through it. I’m glad that I was her rock through it all – literally from NYE 2009-Jan2011 she would text me 100s of times a day as she battled with her emotions and I helped her through every single second of it. This meant that this part of our friendship was primarily ‘about her’ – how do you tell someone who is absolutely heartbroken what a great night you had with your boyfriend, or about a little argument you had – but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
In Feb(ish) 2011 my best friend met her now partner. It was all a bit of a rush but she seemed happy and finally ‘got over’ her ex so I was happy. It allowed the friendship to ‘even up’ a little bit as I finally felt like i could share with her how happy I was in my life without it being a slap in the face for her. After about 10 months she fell pregnant with this new parter. Some people in her life didn’t approve, others were unsupportive, others were disinterested, but (again) I’ve been there for her every single day. While others got on with their own stuff I would make sure to text her daily to check she was OK, let her know how excited I was for the baby, listened to her as she dealt with big troubles with her partner related to the unplanned baby, threw her baby shower for her, looked up answers to every question she had, listened to every morning sickness/hemeroid story… and since the beautiful baby has been born I’ve had pictures sent me to me every day by text and email (“Baby day 2…day 6…day 15” etc) and have always replied to let her know how lovely he is. I’ve had 2am convos about how much breast feeding is hurting her, her experiences with the breast pump, and yet more relationship issues…
I’m sorry this is all really long but I wanted to paint a very REAL picture of how much I have been there for my friend even when I couldn’t personally relate to her situation.
I got engaged last week. She text me on the day saying how happy she was etc… and since then she hasn’t mentioned it.
I get that she is VERY busy with her young baby but if she has time to text, surely she has time to talk to me about the thing she knows I want to talk about?
I get that maybe she isn’t in the most happy place in her life, and with her past experiences of engagement plans etc it may be a little bit uncomfortable for her.
But given how much I have been there for her, do I not have a right to expect a little more? I wanted to ask her to be my maid of honour but now I’m worried that her heart just won’t be in it.
Should I just start talking to her about it and hope she’s alright with it? Should I wait and see how long it takes for her to bring it up in conversation?
I don’t want to make her talk about things that would make her feel sad or annoyed, but I feel a bit like I have no one else to talk to.
I don’t really have my mum either – she’s spent the last seven years upset and angry because her partner won’t commit or marry her and I feel horrible bringing up my own wedding when I know that’s all she wants for herself…