- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
FI and I have been together four years. Of that time, we’ve been living together for a year and a half and engaged for six months.
In those four years, I’ve spent a fair amount of time with FI’s family… including holidays, birthdays, vacations with both the immediate and extended family. FI has a tenuous relationship with FMIL, but I’ve done my very best to develop a positive relationship with FMIL. In the past two months, FMIL has really challenged me.
September – FMIL announces to FI that she booked a vacation home for a week, 7+ hours from our home and not pet-friendly. She announced that I was invited, but regardless, FI “had” to come and she was “making it part of his Christmas gift, so [he] really ought to go with her”. Admittedly, FI (and I) didn’t particularly want to go in the first place, but it is very easy to decline knowing that her ‘mandatory’ vacation would cost us approximately $1,200. ($350 for dog boarding for multiple pets and $800 for two flights to said destination.)
When FI told FMIL he would not be going on said ‘mandatory’ trip, she freaked. I could hear her screaming over the phone and she didn’t speak to FI or I for two weeks. (This isn’t an unusual turn of events.)
October – FI’s cousin is getting married in two months. Invitations go out. It’s been made very clear that while FMIL, FSIL, and FI are invited, I am not. (Admittedly, this bruised my ego a bit, as FI’s cousin indicated earlier in the year that we would *both* be invited.) Nevertheless, I understand budgets are challenging and plus ones are not to be expected.
November – FMIL has asked FI to go to an alternative destination for the two days preceding the rehearsal dinner for FI’s cousin’s wedding. Ok, she wants to see her only son around the holidays, that wouldn’t bother me.
… Except that she just texted me out of the blue saying “We can go that night, and the next night. And then we can celebrate at [x’s] wedding.” She then sent an immediate follow up text: “Sorry. Wrong person 😉 “
Bees, I’m getting the feeling that FMIL is taking great pleasure in my not being included in family affairs. I can’t help but think that the winking smiley face indicates that she is really pleased by how this is turning out? FMIL is known for mind games, but this would be the first time she’s actively doing this to me.
Is FMIL flaunting that I am not a part of the family? Or am I paranoid?
More importantly, FI and I have discussed that I’m not invited to the wedding, but I’ve tried to not talk about it, to avoid causing an issue. I haven’t told him about his mother’s text messages. Do I include him in this or deal with her woman-to-woman?