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It is an invitation, not a mandate. If you don't want to go, don't go. I know I'd be inclined to skip a wedding that was similar.
im pretty sure my husband does want to go though. and i cant tell him its a waste of money. this is a good friend of his.
Not going is not petty. RSVP'ing yes with no intention of going would be petty (which is kind of where i thought you were going with the story haha).
If you don't want to go, don't go. You're not required to give them a reason.
I don't think you are being petty. I would do the same thing! If it were the wedding of a close friend maybe but in this case, I wouldn't feel bad about not going.
How close is he to your husband? Does he really want to go? If he is a very good friend of his, then you probably need to suck it up and go, but if he isn't one of your husband's best friend's then I think you have the right to suggest not going.
I definitely wouldn't go. If it is really really important to your husband to be there then send him alone. At least you'll save some money that way.
Is the wedding located in an area you and your husband can make a nice trip out of? That way you can hit two birds with one stone...attend the wedding and have a short vacation. If not, then I wouldn't go either. Not because I wasn't invited to the formal reception, but because I am not particular close to the couple and I'd rather spend my time and money to those that mean more to me. Now if money grew on trees I would definitely go! ;)
I agree with everyone else that you're under no obligation to attend this wedding, no matter what his behavior was like in the past. Even if it were kingly you would still be under no obligation to attend. It just sounds like it doesn't make financial sense to make the trip. If it's not worth the money to you, then it's not worth it. Send your regrets (without explanation) and get them a gift if you feel so inclined.
I wouldn't go! But if my husband really wanted to, I'd go just to support him, unless I knew he was really truly okay going by himself.
But yeah, you're not being petty at all. I think that's crappy you weren't invited to the "real" reception.
I probably wouldn't go either, but not because of being bitter. Just because the trip would be too expensive for us. We don't expect most of our OOT friends to come in for our wedding.
I think you should talk with your husband about it though before deciding anything - I don't think it's cool for you to decide his friend's wedding is a "waste of money" without even talking to him about the possible expenses first!
I don't think you're being petty. I'd just RSVP no and let it go. If it was your husband's best friend it would be a different story.
I definitely agree with the others that it's not petty to decline the invite. But if your husband wants to go, then you may have figure something out. Talk to him about it - see how badly he wants to go. Does he really want to spend $1500 to go? Will you save any money by him going alone? Will he be upset if you don't go with him? Is there anything you can do while you're in the area of the wedding, to make the trip more worth-while than just seeing this guy's wedding?
Did this guy have to travel to come to your wedding? If so, then traveling to his seems fair. Just don't give a great gift since he didn't give you one at all. Also, since you don't know that he's having a formal dinner reception that you weren't invited to, you shouldn't assume that. Maybe they really just wanted to save money and that's why they are doing cash bar and hors duerves.
A high school friend of my FH is getting married this fall, we don't get along at all. The first and only time we met (it was a camping trip) I ended up in tears wanting to go home. The friend and his fiancee are just ignorant, and I guess I could let it go if FH was still super close with them, but he's not, so I see no need to try and get along with them. I just plain don't like them.
But anyway, we got the invite to their wedding recently, or actually, FH did. It was addressed to Mandamack's FH and guest. We're engaged, been living together for almost a year, and they address his invite to him and guest. Well, no way in heck am I waisting a weekend traveling across Pennsylvania to go their wedding! My FH is going but complains about the waist of money all the time. And now he's convinced since I'm refusing to go to theirs, they won't even come to ours. It's just a big old hot mess.
But, whatever, I don't think you're being petty at all, haha.
I wouldnt go. But there is no reason your hubs cant go if he really wants to
I don't think I would go either unless your husband really wants to go...seems like a lot of money to spend on someone you don't really like.
I agree that if you don't want to go then don't go, as far as the hors duerves reception, I can tell you that a lot of people including myself just do that and then have a cash bar. The last few that I have been to have been that way also, so that isn't something new. We let everyone know beforehand that was how it was going to be and we didn't have anyone complain that we were only serving hors duerves at dinnertime. I guess maybe it depends on your location and maybe it isn't the norm where you live, but it does happen and is happening a lot more! Our ceremony was at 6 pm also. Now we did have a couple kegs, but a lot of people just went ahead and purchased what they wanted to drink. I would just come out and ask your husband how bad he really wanted to go and then go from there. You can always search for good deals online if he really does want to go, but maybe explaining to him how much it will cost you guys in the end, maybe he will understand and you can just send a gift! Good luck!
Wow you just gave me a ton of anxiety about my wedding. Showed up with 2 univited guests?!? Got viciously drunk?!? No thank you, I would not go in a second. However, I see the situation you are in. If your husband is close friends with him you may need to go. But if they are that close of friends and there is a reception later that you are not invited to that is pretty crappy too. If i were you I would casually bring up to my husband your feeling that there is a reception later on. See what he says. He may say yea, the guys an idiot and not want to go or you may bring this to his attention. Worth a shot. I would just talk about it with your husband.
Why can't your husband just go by himslef then? Don't waste money for you to go if you are going to be bitter or upset about it. There's no need for that. Your husband would have a better time by himself, if this is how you feel, anyways!
I think I'm with Adira on this one, it really depends on how your husband feels. To me, it seems like your decision is really NOT about whether or not to go, it's more about whether or not you want to die on this hill with your husband. If he strongly believes that he wants to go and equally strongly believes that you should go with him, you have to decide if this is a battle you want to pick.
I don't think it's petty at all to secretly harbor some ill will toward this goober- he was clearly a buffoon at your wedding, but I'm afraid there is much to lose if this drives a wedge between you and your hubby. There's not much that's worth doing that.
Its already been mentioned but you have no obligation to go
BUT with that being said, if your husband is going (and really really wants to!) then i think you should accompany him as well. In all honesty I am with you...I would just like to stay home, save my time and energy rather then spending it on someone like that. But if your husband wants to go then i really think you should as well....I have been to many things (that cost money) that i would rather have not done....but thats part of being in a marriage!
I don't think you are being awful at all! That is a very large expense to take on for someone that you are not only not that close to, but who acted horribly at your wedding. I have frequently heard family members say they have been unable to travel to a relative's wedding due to the expense, limited vacation time, obligations- you are in no way obligated to attend any wedding.
I would say let your husband go if he wants to, but you don't have to!
If I were you I would honestly leave it up to my husband. I would present the invitaiton to him and ask him what he thinks. While the gears are turning, I would inform him just how much it's going to cost us (in a nice way). Then I would remind him how this friend acted at our wedding, gently. If DH still wanted to go at that point I would be supportive and go along with it. But I doubt he would.
The plane ticket will be the biggest expense, if it's important to your husband to go, then he can go alone. And you two can save the money by you not flying across the country with him.
I gotta say, I wouldn't wanna go either! The expense is far to great. Not even considering his conduct at your wedding. I'd approach the issue by first asking your hubby what his thoughts are. He might actually not even want to attend. But feels torn because this is a good friend of his. I'd send a nice gift and call it a day!
I wouldn't want to go, either.
Moderndaisy's approach is a good one, I think, since it's his friend who's getting married. Instead of focusing on how this person behaved at your wedding, though, I'd make it clear to your FI what the two of you will be giving up to spend major money on this trip. No vacation? Smaller Christmas? Time until you've got the downpayment for a house?
I just worry that if you make it about how the guy acted your husband might feel the need to defend his buddy and dig in his heels about going, whereas if it's strictly a money conversation his self-interest will probably kick in.
If one of my FI's friends was getting married across the country and I didn't want to go I'd stay at home and leave it up to him whether or not he went.
I voted "other." I certainly don't think you're being petty. I just think this decision should be primarily up to your husband since it's his good friend. What does he think about the $$ and the reception arrangements?
I wouldn't go if I were you (unless if it would make fiance happy) and you're not petty for not wanting to go. There are people you would move mountains to attend their weddings and there are those that you don't..and that's okay!
I dont think you're being petty either. I wouldn't want to go AT ALL. I agree to leave it up to your husband, since it's his friend.
I don't think you are being petty - but, if your hubby wants to go - I think you may be stuck. Instead of feeling like you are wasting $$ on the wedding - make a trip out of it and enjoy exploring a new town... that's what I'd need to brainwash myself with, in order to enjoy it. Plus, if your hubby knows you aren't happy about it, then it will likely dampen the whole trip for him. Talk to him about it - tell him why you are feeling the way you do - and see what he says. Maybe your husband doesn't think he's as good of a friend anymore!
Keep us posted!
I don't think you're being petty either. They didn't spend much on your wedding and you're spending a ton to attend theirs. If your husband wants to go and you're able to make a little mini trip out of it, then leave it up to him.
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soooo...i fully admit that this might be petty, but i wanted some feed back before i sent in the RSVP.
so this week we got an invite to the wedding of a friend of my husband. he attended our wedding last year, brought 2 uninvited guests, got viciously drunk, and came sans gift or card - which may be coloring my actions.
anyways, the wedding is on the other side of the country. so, between car rental, air fare, hotel room, we are probably going to spend about $1500 just to attend. i get the invite and it appears to be a ceremony only invite. after a little more research, there will be a reception, around 6 pm. light hors duerves and cash bar.
so i dont wont to go. i get the feeling there is a larger, dinner reception that night and we are only invited to the buffer reception - like they needed to invite everyone from their church to a simple reception before the big, formal one. but even if im wrong, who has a cocktail reception, and then charges for the cocktails? ive been to LOTS of hor duerves receptions...they are usually late or early (not at dinner time).
everyone says im being petty. that if this was my friend i wouldnt care, which is probably true. if this was a good friend of mind I probably wouldnt blink twice about attending. but since its not, i dont see any value in dropping $$$ to attend a wedding where i will have to pay for my own drinks and then pay for dinner b/c their 6 pm reception is "light hors duerves".
am i being a total b$*^h? should i just suck it up and book that dang trip?
*i should note that this guy is a GOOD friend of my husbands. i feel a little guilty about telling him that this is a waste of $$ when the guy attended our wedding.