Post # 1
I’ve been a long time troller of this board but am new to posting. Just needed your opinion about my situation…
There’s a “friend” (more like frienemy) who I feel like is stealing my thunder. It started when I got engaged. I announced I got engaged, then 2 days later, she got engaged. I can understand that that was a coincidence. But then, she would ask me about my wedding preparations. What venues I was visiting, etc. Thankfully we ended up taking different venues.
She asked which photographers I was looking at. I told her I found one I really liked and what I liked about him. Next thing I know, she booked the same photographer. She asked me about my colors. I told her. A few weeks later, she picked the same colors. She told me she was looking at short bridesmaid dresses, I told her I was looking at long ones. She picked long dresses so similar to the ones I picked.
I think the most hurtful was when I showed her a pair of shoes I LOVED and desperately wanted but because my FI and my parents’ financial situation, we are paying for our own wedding and I couldn’t afford them at the time. I told her I was going to try to budget and save up for them but she bought the shoes for herself. (Her fiance is paying for their wedding.)
It’s gotten to the point now that I don’t discuss any of my preparations with her. But what’s done is done. And because we have the a common group of friends and her wedding is 2 weeks before mine, it’s going to look like I copied her.
Every bride deserves her day to be wonderful and I wanted that for her. But she’s making it seem like she’s the only one getting married and everything is about her. I just wanted to have a wedding that is uniquely us as a couple and that I could call my own. Now I feel like it’s tainted and everything I’m doing will have already been done by someone else even though they were all my ideas.
What do you think, bees? Am I being petty?
Post # 3
First of all, change your stuff around. What is the same about what you have so far? Change it.
Second of all, you don’t need shoes you need to budget for. Find another pair!
Third of all, screw this girl. You did the right thing by ceasing to discuss information with her.
Post # 4
Sounds like she must be jealous and insecuryou you’re. Not being petty, I understand why you’re upset. But take comfort in the fact that your day will be special because it’s about you and your FH and what you want, nota out copying someone else.
Post # 5
You’re not being petty. Stop talking to her, though! I was going to suggest you change some elements of your wedding (not because others will notice, but because it will bother you if you know they are too similar), but if your date is October 6th, you may not have a ton of time for that. There are still things you can do to make it different, though- different jewelry/colored sash on bridesmaid dresses, adding a different accent color to color scheme….
I don’t know whether she is necessarily stealing your thunder, though. Just your ideas. The whole time between your engagement and your wedding is not about you- but, I’m sure you know that. She gets one day, you get another. It’s a bummer that she’s a major b**** and taking your ideas, but at the end of the day, no one will notice. Truly.
Post # 6
Thanks, ladies! 🙂
@peachacid – with the wedding 4 months away, I can’t really change much. the BM dresses are already ordered, our color scheme is set (with the flowers and decorations we’ve already ordered) just going to have to find ways to make it different. just sucks that i’ve been planning and dreaming of this day with unique touches and colors and in one clean sweep, it feels like it was all for nothing.
Post # 7
@honeyhalo: not being petty at all! this is bizarre…and completely rude on her part. with all of the wedding inspiration available on blogs, in magazines, on pinterest, she had to just copy everything you’ve done?! she couldn’t even find the energy to find out what her own taste is?
ugh. well, you’re right, what’s done is done. you have every right to be upset about this. is everything set in stone — can you change something slightly, like add a different color to your wedding? or add something different to the table settings? i went to a really lovely wedding where the bride and groom added little vintage bird figurines (cute, not creepy) from etsy to the table, and that gave everything a personal touch. also, are you going to do a setting with pictures of your grandparents’ at their weddings or pictures of your guests? because she definitely can’t copy that 🙂
but my guess is this — if you’re at a different venue with different food, it won’t feel like the same wedding. you already sound 1,000 times more awesome than this frenemy, so my guess is your wedding will also be really wonderful and no one will notice the things we all notice as brides.
Post # 8
@honeyhalo: Welcome to the Hive!
You’re not being petty about this. You made a wise decision to stop sharing your wedding plans and ideas with her.
They say when someone copies what you do it’s supposedly “flattering.” (Ugh, for real though, it would bug the crap of me completely.)
Post # 9
@honeyhalo: No 2 weddings are identical. Yours will look very different, you may have similar color schemes and even similar bm dresses, but no one will notice. Stop discussing your plans with her and let it go, it will all work out.
Post # 10
@honeyhalo: Since it is in fact impossible to patent a wedding or anything in it….the best course of action is to keep your wedding preparations and choices to yourself and stop worrying about it….a wedding isn’t made or broken by a totally unique color pallete or fabulous bridesmaid dresses….those are all just things
Post # 11
Doubting the fact that you guys will have over 70% of the same people at the wedding, you are fine. Just use what you already have. No one is going to care or point that out. Besides, just stop sharing info with her. Then you can decorate the way you want, and I am sure it will be different.
Post # 12
Prior posters have given you excellent advice. And, consider this, anyone who knows ANYTHING about wedding planning knows that it takes MUCH longer than two weeks (the amount of time between her wedding and yours) to plan almost any part of them. There is no way anyone who is able to understand this is going to think that you chose your colors, bridesmaids dresses, etc. because you saw hers and decided to copy them.
If any of your mutual friends does notice and happens to mention something to you about the similarities, you could answer in a manner that would set the record straight, while still being very polite: “Yes, ________ asked me about some of my ideas, and she said she really liked them. I’m flattered that she though they were good enough to consider for her own wedding.”
Post # 13
You should have stopped giving advice a long time ago!! Haha oh girl, that really sucks!
People keep asking and I just give suuuuper vague answers.
“Oh we’re looking at some places.”
“Oh, we think the wedding will be sometime next year.”
Post # 14
She’s probably just jealous because your fiance is probably hotter than hers.
Post # 15
@honeyhalo: this is gonna sound mean, but this is your fault for still talking to her. She showed you who she was, it’s about time to believe her.
ETA more to your question. No you are not bring petty she’s n ring a copycat. She’s either jealous or just to lazy to plan her own wedding. She’s also not a friend…of any kind. Distance yourself from Her.
Post # 16
@honeyhalo: I can’t believe you discussed more than one detail with a “Frienemy” in the first place, especially more than once.
Like everyone else said, just be very vague, and I’d still totally change my stuff around.