Post # 1
soooo…i fully admit that this might be petty, but i wanted some feed back before i sent in the RSVP.
so this week we got an invite to the wedding of a friend of my husband. he attended our wedding last year, brought 2 uninvited guests, got viciously drunk, and came sans gift or card – which may be coloring my actions.
anyways, the wedding is on the other side of the country. so, between car rental, air fare, hotel room, we are probably going to spend about $1500 just to attend. i get the invite and it appears to be a ceremony only invite. after a little more research, there will be a reception, around 6 pm. light hors duerves and cash bar.
so i dont wont to go. i get the feeling there is a larger, dinner reception that night and we are only invited to the buffer reception – like they needed to invite everyone from their church to a simple reception before the big, formal one. but even if im wrong, who has a cocktail reception, and then charges for the cocktails? ive been to LOTS of hor duerves receptions…they are usually late or early (not at dinner time).
everyone says im being petty. that if this was my friend i wouldnt care, which is probably true. if this was a good friend of mind I probably wouldnt blink twice about attending. but since its not, i dont see any value in dropping $$$ to attend a wedding where i will have to pay for my own drinks and then pay for dinner b/c their 6 pm reception is “light hors duerves”.
am i being a total b$*^h? should i just suck it up and book that dang trip?
*i should note that this guy is a GOOD friend of my husbands. i feel a little guilty about telling him that this is a waste of $$ when the guy attended our wedding.
Post # 3
It is an invitation, not a mandate. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. I know I’d be inclined to skip a wedding that was similar.
Post # 4
im pretty sure my husband does want to go though. and i cant tell him its a waste of money. this is a good friend of his.
Post # 5
Not going is not petty. RSVP’ing yes with no intention of going would be petty (which is kind of where i thought you were going with the story haha).
Post # 6
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. You’re not required to give them a reason.
Post # 7
I don’t think you are being petty. I would do the same thing! If it were the wedding of a close friend maybe but in this case, I wouldn’t feel bad about not going.
Post # 8
How close is he to your husband? Does he really want to go? If he is a very good friend of his, then you probably need to suck it up and go, but if he isn’t one of your husband’s best friend’s then I think you have the right to suggest not going.
Post # 9
I definitely wouldn’t go. If it is really really important to your husband to be there then send him alone. At least you’ll save some money that way.
Post # 10
Is the wedding located in an area you and your husband can make a nice trip out of? That way you can hit two birds with one stone…attend the wedding and have a short vacation. If not, then I wouldn’t go either. Not because I wasn’t invited to the formal reception, but because I am not particular close to the couple and I’d rather spend my time and money to those that mean more to me. Now if money grew on trees I would definitely go! 😉
Post # 11
I agree with everyone else that you’re under no obligation to attend this wedding, no matter what his behavior was like in the past. Even if it were kingly you would still be under no obligation to attend. It just sounds like it doesn’t make financial sense to make the trip. If it’s not worth the money to you, then it’s not worth it. Send your regrets (without explanation) and get them a gift if you feel so inclined.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t go! But if my husband really wanted to, I’d go just to support him, unless I knew he was really truly okay going by himself.
But yeah, you’re not being petty at all. I think that’s crappy you weren’t invited to the “real” reception.
Post # 13
I probably wouldn’t go either, but not because of being bitter. Just because the trip would be too expensive for us. We don’t expect most of our OOT friends to come in for our wedding.
I think you should talk with your husband about it though before deciding anything – I don’t think it’s cool for you to decide his friend’s wedding is a “waste of money” without even talking to him about the possible expenses first!
Post # 14
I don’t think you’re being petty. I’d just RSVP no and let it go. If it was your husband’s best friend it would be a different story.
Post # 15
I definitely agree with the others that it’s not petty to decline the invite. But if your husband wants to go, then you may have figure something out. Talk to him about it – see how badly he wants to go. Does he really want to spend $1500 to go? Will you save any money by him going alone? Will he be upset if you don’t go with him? Is there anything you can do while you’re in the area of the wedding, to make the trip more worth-while than just seeing this guy’s wedding?
Did this guy have to travel to come to your wedding? If so, then traveling to his seems fair. Just don’t give a great gift since he didn’t give you one at all. Also, since you don’t know that he’s having a formal dinner reception that you weren’t invited to, you shouldn’t assume that. Maybe they really just wanted to save money and that’s why they are doing cash bar and hors duerves.
Post # 16
A high school friend of my FH is getting married this fall, we don’t get along at all. The first and only time we met (it was a camping trip) I ended up in tears wanting to go home. The friend and his fiancee are just ignorant, and I guess I could let it go if FH was still super close with them, but he’s not, so I see no need to try and get along with them. I just plain don’t like them.
But anyway, we got the invite to their wedding recently, or actually, FH did. It was addressed to Mandamack’s FH and guest. We’re engaged, been living together for almost a year, and they address his invite to him and guest. Well, no way in heck am I waisting a weekend traveling across Pennsylvania to go their wedding! My FH is going but complains about the waist of money all the time. And now he’s convinced since I’m refusing to go to theirs, they won’t even come to ours. It’s just a big old hot mess.
But, whatever, I don’t think you’re being petty at all, haha.