(Closed) Am i being petty?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: am i being a petty witch?
    yes. get over it. : (6 votes)
    7 %
    nope. i wouldnt go either. : (78 votes)
    88 %
    other. : (5 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee

    It is an invitation, not a mandate.  If you don’t want to go, don’t go.  I know I’d be inclined to skip a wedding that was similar.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Not going is not petty. RSVP’ing yes with no intention of going would be petty (which is kind of where i thought you were going with the story haha). 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If you don’t want to go, don’t go.  You’re not required to give them a reason.

    Post # 7
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I don’t think you are being petty.  I would do the same thing!  If it were the wedding of a close friend maybe but in this case, I wouldn’t feel bad about not going.

    Post # 8
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    How close is he to your husband?  Does he really want to go?  If he is a very good friend of his, then you probably need to suck it up and go, but if he isn’t one of your husband’s best friend’s then I think you have the right to suggest not going. 

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I definitely wouldn’t go.  If it is really really important to your husband to be there then send him alone.  At least you’ll save some money that way.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1254 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is the wedding located in an area you and your husband can make a nice trip out of? That way you can hit two birds with one stone…attend the wedding and have a short vacation. If not, then I wouldn’t go either. Not because I wasn’t invited to the formal reception, but because I am not particular close to the couple and I’d rather spend my time and money to those that mean more to me. Now if money grew on trees I would definitely go! 😉

    Post # 11
    Member
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I agree with everyone else that you’re under no obligation to attend this wedding, no matter what his behavior was like in the past. Even if it were kingly you would still be under no obligation to attend. It just sounds like it doesn’t make financial sense to make the trip. If it’s not worth the money to you, then it’s not worth it. Send your regrets (without explanation) and get them a gift if you feel so inclined.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I wouldn’t go! But if my husband really wanted to, I’d go just to support him, unless I knew he was really truly okay going by himself.

    But yeah, you’re not being petty at all. I think that’s crappy you weren’t invited to the “real” reception. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I probably wouldn’t go either, but not because of being bitter. Just because the trip would be too expensive for us. We don’t expect most of our OOT friends to come in for our wedding.

    I think you should talk with your husband about it though before deciding anything – I don’t think it’s cool for you to decide his friend’s wedding is a “waste of money” without even talking to him about the possible expenses first!

    Post # 14
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think you’re being petty.  I’d just RSVP no and let it go.  If it was your husband’s best friend it would be a different story.

    Post # 15
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I definitely agree with the others that it’s not petty to decline the invite.  But if your husband wants to go, then you may have figure something out.  Talk to him about it – see how badly he wants to go.  Does he really want to spend $1500 to go?  Will you save any money by him going alone?  Will he be upset if you don’t go with him?  Is there anything you can do while you’re in the area of the wedding, to make the trip more worth-while than just seeing this guy’s wedding?

    Did this guy have to travel to come to your wedding?  If so, then traveling to his seems fair.  Just don’t give a great gift since he didn’t give you one at all.  Also, since you don’t know that he’s having a formal dinner reception that you weren’t invited to, you shouldn’t assume that.  Maybe they really just wanted to save money and that’s why they are doing cash bar and hors duerves.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2237 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    A high school friend of my FH is getting married this fall, we don’t get along at all.  The first and only time we met (it was a camping trip) I ended up in tears wanting to go home.  The friend and his fiancee are just ignorant, and I guess I could let it go if FH was still super close with them, but he’s not, so I see no need to try and get along with them.  I just plain don’t like them.

    But anyway, we got the invite to their wedding recently, or actually, FH did.  It was addressed to Mandamack’s FH and guest.  We’re engaged, been living together for almost a year, and they address his invite to him and guest.  Well, no way in heck am I waisting a weekend traveling across Pennsylvania to go their wedding!  My FH is going but complains about the waist of money all the time.  And now he’s convinced since I’m refusing to go to theirs, they won’t even come to ours.  It’s just a big old hot mess.

    But, whatever, I don’t think you’re being petty at all, haha.

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