(Closed) …am i being pushy?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Whoa, slow down!

You are not out of line for asking him to look at engagement rings. However, I think that a lot of this could be cleared up if you have a talk with him because you don’t know if:

1. Maybe he’s secretly saving to surprise you. He might be more traditional than you and likes the romance of doing that, so to him, he wouldn’t want to just buy one together. You can let him know that you’ll still be surprised, even if you know it’s coming (I mean, you’re already engaged so the secrets out of the bag!), because he’ll have picked it out and chosen the time to give it to you.

2. Maybe he WANTS you to have something more than a $200 ring and is embarrassed that he can’t give that to you now

3. Maybe (and I recognize this is a terrible idea, but somethign that you should consider) he’s nervous about getting married

In regards to the 2nd possibility, one way to resolve this is to buy you your $200 ring and then tell him that you’ll save up and he can give you a blingier anniversary ring. Or “1st child” ring. Or a blingier wedding ring. Whatever. The 3rd possibility is not pleasant, but you owe it to yourself and to him to at least have “the talk” before you take the plunge.

In the meantime, you can always buy yourself a cheapy fake ring and wear it on your left hand. For whatever reason, people have less of a problem when SOMETHING’s, even if it’s fake. You can also lie and tell them that your ring is being resized in case they’re pushy about it.  

Post # 4
4512 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, just give him a little nudge and take him out shopping! It’s not like you’re being unreasonable and asking for a $20k ring or something, when that’s not in your budget. Guys do tend to forget about things like this…he just needs a reminder.

Post # 6
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I hate to say it but my FH is kind of the same with the whole needs a nudge to get things done. He is much happier when things are done and taken care of but he hates having to do things, to him he thinks if he ignores it long enough whatever it is will magically be done. We have been together for over 6 years, we talked about marriage and a ring and would look at rings together sometimes, but I knew if I was gonna wait for him to bring home a ring like in a fairytale, I was dreaming. For us cost was a big factor -I was out of work for 8 months and the job I ended up with doesn’t pay very well, but I am happy to be earning! And we have lived kind of as husband and wife, with finances combined and everything for over 4 years and bought a house together last year right before Il ost my job. So it wasn’t up to him to find the money for it, it was on both of us. So I had a diamond ring that was passed down to me and I suggested we use that diamond. He was less than thrilled. Being on a tight budget and all for birthdays the birthday peron gets to pick what we do for the day withour compliant. So for my b-day i asked if we could go look at rings. He was into it, we looked at settings, and I showed him how afforable it could be and he actually got excited. We went back a couple months later and purchased it. He held onto it for a couple months, which was for me pure HELL. I was aliitle bummed I didn’t get the whole suprise ring, and he didn’t pick it out himself. But we are both very happy with our decision. Hope it goes well for you. I would say just don’t nag about it (I was guilty of that). But just asking so that you know what is going on is good. Good Luck!

Post # 7
493 posts
Helper bee

Sounds a little similar to my FH. Very slow at things. Sometimes needing to be reminded. Which sucks in this situation. No woman wants to TELL their man to get a ring and propose. 

Only because he has already proposed I like the idea of you just purchasing the ring that YOU want for $200 just as a filler to ease your mind when spreading the news and planning. Then while your totally not thinking about it he can suprise you with the ring HE wants you to have. Then you’ll have ring he purchased and wedding band. Then your filler ring can then be worn on the other hand to symbolize your birthdays, etc.

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